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Why Won't She Forgive?
posted 08/27/07
Q: When her younger sister apologizes after a fight, my five-year-old has a hard time saying, "I forgive you." I'm worried she's harboring resentment that'll build and show itself later in life. Is she too young to understand forgiveness?
A: The relational patterns set in place during childhood will likely continue into a child's future. And forgiveness is a key concept to grasp since all relationships—most important a person's relationship with God—are built on it.
It's never too early—or too late—to teach your children about forgiveness. But how you teach them at this age is crucial. Your five-year-old probably won't understand a discussion about the benefits of forgiveness and the consequences of harboring resentment. Although you may still use words, you're often more successful using a tangible method for teaching young children.
You could try reading books together that illustrate forgiveness and resentment. Ask your daughter questions about the stories and help her make connections to her life and relationships. Choose Bible stories and children's devotions that talk about God's love and forgiveness.
But remember just because your daughter can quickly say the words "I forgive you" doesn't mean she understands them. Don't be satisfied with external compliance; look for cues in her attitude and demeanor that demonstrate her heart's condition. You'll never regret taking time to mold her heart while she's young.
Finally, model forgiveness. How you respond to those who've wronged you is a good indicator of how your children will respond. As you learn about this precious gift from God, you can pass it on to your children with confidence. To help you do so, read through Raising Forgiving Kids, a new resource from ChristianParentingTodayStore.com. This download offers advice from authors who know what you need. May you and your family will be blessed as you explore forgiveness together.
Blessings,
Janine Petry
Managing Editor, Women's and Family Issues
Christianity Today International
You can e-mail Caryn a question at ResourcefulMom@ChristianityToday.com.
Click here for a FREE downloadable Bible study from the ChristianParentingTodayStore.com.
© 2006 Christianity Today International. All rights reserved. Click for reprint information.
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