Friday Five Interview: Mary DeMuth
Mary DeMuth's painful story of childhood sexual abuse fuels her advocacy for victims.

For today's entry in the Friday Five interview series, we catch up with Mary DeMuth. Mary is a well-known novelist, speaker and blogger. Her books include Everything, Thin Places, and her latest, The Wall Around Your Heart. She's a passionate voice for victims of sexual abuse.

Mary is also a frequent contributor to Christianity Today, including a much-discussed piece on the language husbands use to describe their wives.

Today we talk to Mary about the importance of vulnerability, sharing her own painful journey, and why she's calling the Church to take sexual abuse allegations seriously.

Your latest book, The Wall Around Your Heart is written for people who have experienced deep hurts. Sadly, it seems there is a big audience for this. What prompted you to write it?

The fact that there is a big audience for it, meaning so many people are walking around wounded, particularly by other believers, and they don't know how to process their pain or move forward. But the deeper answer (and the more vulnerable one) is that I needed the book. I'd built up walls around my heart in many ways, using all sorts of clever disguises and methods. And I just got plain tired of living that way, guarded and bitter. I wanted freedom and joy again in my life. So this book is my journey toward what I call "welcome-hearted living."

Your own story of sexual abuse has been catalyst for some of your writing and blogging. How hard was it to begin telling your story?

Initially, I shared my story in my late teens to garner attention, so, oddly, I wasn't scared. In my twenties I naively assumed I'd been healed, so I kept the story locked away. In my thirties, my life exploded in pain, and I had no desire to share that with the world. God used that decade to heal me further and birth in me a desire to see that past pain as a platform to help others be set gloriously free. So now? I find it a huge privilege to tell my story, almost as if it's sacred ground when I share it. I see folks set free. It's humbling. God is so very good to let me see fruit from my own deep brokenness.

You recently signed, with other prominent evangelicals, "A Public Statement Concerning Sexual Abuse in the Church of Jesus Christ." Why do you feel this document is needed at this time?

Because that document should've been written eons ago. The church should be the protector of the innocent, but instead (in broad terms) parts of the church have championed or preferred perpetrators over dignifying victims and seeking their healing. This hush-hush secrecy must stop. I recently wrote a post about sexual abuse in the Amish community. In it, I write: "We are not to be so freaked out about our church's or community's reputation that we ignore abuse and prefer the perpetrators over the victims. This kind of culture of silence, making victims mouth-less and churches bastions of secrecy does not represent the authentic grace Jesus offers."

July 26, 2013

Displaying 1–2 of 2 comments


August 01, 2013  12:43pm

As a survivor of mild sexual abuse from a person in leadership in my church 45 years ago, I am very glad to see this being dealt with publicly. I suffered greatly for two years without telling anyone because Satan kept telling me that it was somehow my fault. God graciously brought deliverance through a camp counselor whose name I don't remember, but her reward will be great in glory. I believe the true value of this movement is that it will create a place where those who have been abused can go for help and will make fear of exposure more of a deterrent to the perpetrators. Sadly, I believe that the main reason perpetrators are not dealt with more effectively when they are discovered is that many of those charged with leadership are engaged in sin of their own and thus feel unworthy to deal with the sin of others.

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July 27, 2013  8:09pm

Daniel, Good post. Thank you for the Mary DeMuth interview and link to the Child Abuse Statement. It's important that people take this topic seriously and add their name to the list. I agree with her comment, "...that document should've been written eons ago." Let's all sign it!

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