After serving on church boards for fifteen years, I've learned a few things:

• Flat roofs always leek—but never over the baptistery.
• Don't plan a "Seal the Parking Lot" workday on Saturday—unless you want a "Clean the Carpet" day on Monday.
• The furnace breaks down only on weekends.
• Agendas that look the shortest take the longest time.
• Committees choose beige.

But the greatest of these is:

• Church boards don't like surprises!

Surprise, Surprise

My first experience with the no-surprises rule of church politics occurred when I was leading the youth group. We had planned an outdoor concert on the front lawn of the church. Unfortunately, we hadn't told the board that "Amazing Grace" and "What a Friend We Have in Jesus" weren't in the band's repertoire. Instead, the huge speakers blasted Christian rock music into the next Zip Code.

Suddenly a board member appeared and made a determined run for the electrical outlets. He was intercepted by an understanding pastor. I'm not exactly sure what was ...