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Q&A with Dr. Neil Clark Warren
I am a divorced single parent who has not dated for 5 years. It sometimes feels like there aren't any available men. I have attended many social functions and sometimes feel like there must be something wrong with me. My friends keep telling me I'll find someone when I stop looking. I'm really tired of hearing that. Do others share my same frustrations?
—Laurel
Laurel,
I often hear from single parents who are beginning to explore the dating world for the first time in many years. It isn't surprising to me that you are noticing a profound lack of available men. If you're over the age of 30, in most parts of the country your pool of available dating candidates begins to shrink, and this process continues the rest of your life.
As we get older, and when work becomes a larger and more pervasive component in our lives, most people make fewer and fewer new friends. This fact, combined with the decreasing number of single individuals, means that just meeting someone who is available can become a difficult task.
But Laurel, I believe the most important element of your question is whether or not you should actively search for a gentleman to share your life with. I know many people believe as your friends do, that you can only find "the one" when you aren't searching. I don't share that opinion. In my experience, I've rarely seen a general policy of inaction yield the results a person desires.
In fact, I started an online matching service to give single persons, just like you, a way to put their communication skills to work and find a loving, caring, life-long relationship. We have a database of almost 500,000 single adults from all over North America. This database can give you an extremely large pool of dating candidates, to a degree you never could develop on your own.
So far we have helped well over 250 couples meet and get married. These newlyweds come from all walks of life and all layers of the socio-economic strata, but they have one thing in common: Each person, in each relationship, took the initiative and reached out to find their soul mate. Their action was the first, and I believe, the most important in their journey towards meeting the love of their life.
I encourage you to take wise action in your search for a new relationship. Take action to make sure you have regained your emotional health since your divorce, to read and develop your knowledge of what a healthy marriage should be, to find a relationship service, such as eHarmony, that can guide you in your search, and, most importantly, to seek God's guidance in this vitally important arena of your life.
Finally, I advise you to pursue this task with a gentle spirit. Taking action doesn't mean acting desperately. Treat each potential mate with a careful heart and an open mind, and I believe you will be richly rewarded.
Copyright © 2002 by the author or Christianity Today International.
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