Home > Singles > Dating
How to Do Something You Both Enjoy
Broadening your sphere of interest can bolster your dating relationship.
by Drs. Leslie and Les Parrott
Sometime soon you're going to meet someone special. You're going to long for time together, for ways to create a lasting bond. But your schedule is already jam-packed, and you're not even sure how you'll squeeze in any more activities.
Well, here's some advice that has helped countless couples get to know each other better and feel for each other more strongly.
Broaden your sphere of interest.
You might be saying to yourselves, "What do we do if there are few activities we both enjoy?"
The answer: Cultivate your spheres of interest.
Don't allow yourselves to lose out on a great relationship because you can't find something enjoyable to do together. Too many relationships fizzle because couples don't use their creative energies to build enjoyable moments of fun and relaxation together. These are good skills to bring into a marriage, too.
So let's get practical. Make a careful list of recreational interests your partner enjoys.
Here are a few to get you started: antique collecting, tennis, racquetball, camping, canoeing, table games, puzzles, cooking, dancing, hiking, horseback riding, jogging, going to a lecture, art galleries, museums, movies, ice-skating, downhill skiing, cross-country skiing, sailing, listening to music, swimming, traveling, walking, woodworking, hitting a bucket of balls, and lifting weights.
Your list should be as long as possible. Next, circle those activities you might find somewhat pleasurable. You probably can find a good half-dozen activities you could enjoy together.
Your next task is to schedule these activities into your recreational time together.
Make time.
All the good intentions you can muster will never replace actually doing the activity together. And the first step toward making that happen is setting aside the time.
Relationship and marriage expert David Mace says, "Love must be fed and nurtured … first and foremost it demands time."
How true. Studies indicate that relationship happiness is highly correlated with the amount of time a couple spends together. So, right now, get your calendars out and find a slot of time the two of you can call your own. It's that simple.
Brace yourself for change.
As couples learn to cultivate shared activities, it can be a bit jolting. After all, change is never easy.
Take the configuration of the letters on a computer keyboard as an illustration. Back in the 1870s, a manufacturer of keyboards received complaints about the typewriter keys sticking together if the user went too fast.
Engineers for the company decided that the best way to keep the keys from jamming was to slow the operator down. So they developed a more inefficient keyboard with letters such as "O" and "I" (two of the most frequently used letters in the alphabet) positioned for the relatively weaker ring and little fingers.
Depressing these keys simply took more time. The problem was solved—no more jammed keys.
Since the time of that solution, however, typing technology and word processing have advanced significantly. Today's word processors can go much faster than any human can type. The problem is we don't want to change the keyboard—even though it would help us type faster.
Change is hard. It's especially difficult when it hits you at an emotional level, with the one you love.
But don't allow that to stand in the way of trying to do something new in your life, and in your relationship. Finding a shared activity can be a challenge for some couples, but a little change can do you good.
Article provided by Les & Leslie Parrott, The Center for Relationship Development, www.realrelationships.com.
Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International.
|
 |
|
|
eHarmony is a completely new way to build a relationship. We turn the process around, so you learn about people from the inside-out before you get involved.
Falling in love still takes chemistry, but eHarmony gives you the confidence to take the first step, knowing that you and your matches are truly compatible for the long-run.
Only eHarmony creates matches based on 29 proven dimensions of compatibility and over 30 years of relationship expertise. Combining this knowledge and experience with our commitment to personal care ensures that eHarmony will work for you.
|
|
|
|
| 
