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Q&A with Dr. Neil Clark Warren
Dear Dr. Warren,
I am a widow of only 16 months. I love the Lord and I know he is watching over me. He has filled my life with loving friends and activities since my husband passed away, but I feel a deep sense of loneliness. My husband loved me very much, and I miss him. Many of my friends use online dating sites, but I'm not sure if I feel comfortable joining them. When I met my husband, things just clicked. Should I pursue this or just rely on the Lord to help me find a new mate?
Thank you,
—Nancy
Nancy,
I can only imagine the pain you must feel at the loss of your husband. I know you miss him deeply every day. Sixteen months may not be enough time for you to grieve and prepare yourself for a new relationship, so I suggest that your first step is spending considerable time in prayer asking for God's guidance. Make sure you are ready to share your heart with a new person and are not just acting out of deep loneliness.
The final question of your letter, "Should I use an online matching service or just rely on the Lord?" is a common one.
Nancy, I don't believe the two approaches to finding a loving relationship are exclusive. As a passionate Christian, I never would suggest that you forsake a reliance on God. I believe every decision of your life should be made after a sincere and passionate dialogue with him. I also firmly believe that, if we let him, God uses the tools of this world to create his vision for our lives. Many times modern wonders are the "miracles" of our time. God often answers our prayers with the skill of a surgeon's hand, the bravery of a helicopter pilot, or the knowledge of a financial planner. These are not accidents.
In the same way I would suggest visiting a tax specialist for advice on planning for April 15th, I recommend using online dating services. Meeting and getting to know members of the opposite sex can be very easy as a young adult. The high percentage of singles and a plethora of available social activities mean that almost no effort is required.
As we grow older, however, the pool of available candidates shrinks. It becomes difficult to meet enough eligible and diverse people to have a good chance at choosing a compatible mate. This is where online services can give you a distinct advantage. To complete my tax analogy, all specialists aren't created equal, and you won't be surprised to learn that I'm partial to my own organization. You will need to consider the services of each organization and learn about who can serve your needs the best.
Dating again after years of successful marriage can be challenging. My best advice is that you take advantage of modern methods for meeting new men while you pray diligently for God's counsel.
I wish you all the best.
Neil Clark Warren
Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International.
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