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Become Each Other's Publicist
Why it's important to heap praise on the ones we love
by Dr. Les Parrott III
"Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips."
—Proverbs 27:2
English author Samuel Butler once said, tongue in cheek, "The advantage of doing one's praising for oneself is that one can lay it on so thick and exactly in the right places."
If we reflect on our own lives, many of us may know what he means. Men especially, but also some women, grow up with a compulsion to blurt out their own self-praise:
"Did I tell you about my promotion?"
"Did you know I met with the governor?"
Many people, on the other hand, are quite the opposite, rarely bringing extra attention to themselves.
As you can imagine, maturing from a child into an adult causes some inner reflection. And as we age, each of us hopefully finds a better balance. Braggarts become less self-promoting, and inch by inch, the overly humble get a little more comfortable discussing their accomplishments when appropriate.
But above all, as we grow wiser, we learn to practice the proverbial secret of affirmation: Let another praise you and not your own mouth. This truth may not have been written with couples in mind, but the wise couple will see its applicability to the relationship setting.
In social situations, it's often all too easy to tell loving couples from warring ones.
Almost everyone has been at a party where one half of a couple has taken a public jab at the other. Perhaps it was along the lines of "I keep wishing John would get out of his recliner, turn off the television, and come dancing with me instead of watching sports!" But it's a bad idea to use the cover of an audience to say something you wouldn't say in private. Couples who can't contain their criticisms in public are in serious trouble.
Loving couples, on the other hand, use every opportunity to boost each other in front of other people and to cast each other in the best light. This happens especially when we realize this is the person we think we want to marry. We want our friends and family to like our new love, so we compliment them openly in a way that would sound like bragging if the person said it themselves.
You might hear an engaged person say something like, "Sarah just got a promotion, but she won't tell you that." Or, "Rick may not mention it, but he secured a huge grant for his company this week."
Loving couples praise one another in private and in public. They tell each other's stories of accomplishment. This is good for the relationship, and good for each of us individually as well.
To make sure that we who are in a romantic relationship become our match's publicist, and not our own, we must ask ourselves:
1. On the continuum of bringing attention to myself, to desperately trying to avoid it, where do I fall?
2. How about my loved one?
3. What are we doing to help one another out with our differences?
Then, when we have an opportunity to bring praise to ourselves in a social setting, we need to remember to skip it. But when an opportunity arises for us to compliment our match in front of others, we don't want to let the opportunity slip away.
Article provided by Les Parrott, The Center for Relationship Development, www.realrelationships.com.
Copyright © 2003 by the author or Christianity Today International.
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