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The Right Touch
December 11, 2002
I've been reading The Gift Of The Blessing by John Trent and Gary Smalley. One of the elements of "the blessing" is meaningful touch. Usually this takes the form of a hug or kiss among family or close friends, or a heartfelt handshake. It also could come when others pray for you while placing their hands on your head or shoulders. You even could even give yourself a hug, take a relaxing soak in the tub, or curl up in a warm robe or sweater with a good book and a cup of tea or hot chocolate. You also could go for a good massage.
While I think these things are considered more socially acceptable for women than for men, we all need to treat ourselves well. The benefits of meaningful touch are numerous both physically and emotionally. In Ephesians 5:29, the Apostle Paul states, " … no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church." God has entrusted us with the care and maintenance of our bodies. They are the "temple of the Holy Spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:19). Being single doesn't lessen the need for meaningful touch; we simply need to find positive ways to fulfill that need.
Glen Chastain, Ohio
Take a Cohort to Costco
November 27, 2002
If you want to take advantage of the great bulk deals at warehouse stores, such as Costco and Sams, but don't want to get stuck with a lifetime supply of paper towels or peanut butter, consider taking a fellow single friend with you when you shop there. You can split the bulk deals into more usable and easily storable amounts, and still get great deals on things many singles use — such as prepackaged food, toiletries, and frozen entrees. A friend and I even split the annual membership cost, and have tons of fun when we shop there together — especially when there are free food samples! It makes for a fun afternoon, and we save money. What could be better than that?
Kate, Illinois
Take a Trip
November 13, 2002
Take a vacation by yourself. This seems to be a foreign concept to most of
my single friends, but I love holidays on my own!
I have done two types. Sometimes I will take off on a weekend to a nearby
city just to spend some time away from home. I might take in a special event
or sports event. It's a quick getaway to help re-energize and refresh
myself. I also suggest visiting a church in your destination city to
experience how others worship God on Sunday morning.
I also have taken larger vacations for which I save money for several years.
On these trips, I take time to try some new activities I have always wanted
to do. It's good to spend a day or two enjoying the natural wonders in your
chosen location and to take along your Bible or a book you have been meaning
to read to enjoy out in nature. Eat nothing but your favorite foods all week
long and treat yourself to a massage or whatever you enjoy. Take time to
meet and talk to new people on the plane, in the restaurants, or during the
activities you take part in. You can often learn a lot about life and other
parts of the world from these interesting conversations, and the opportunity
for witnessing also often comes up.
Most importantly, spend time doing what relaxes you and what you enjoy. This
is a time for you to be renewed and to spend time getting to know yourself
and God without the distractions of home. Enjoy!
Kevin Dyck
Saskatoon, SK
Singles Ministry Solutions
October 30, 2002
I've discovered two things that have caused the singles group at my church to grow:
1. We didn't label ourselves as College/Career or Singles but instead called our class Crosspoint. We all are at crosspoints in our life, and we all should be pointing others to the Cross. It also makes it easier for those thinking about joining a class to come since they don't have to fit in a certain category.
2. We decided the focus of our class would be reaching out to the community. Since the first Sunday we made that decision and set up a plan of action, God has blessed us with new people. It's amazing to see that when we set our eyes on serving the Lord and not just using our class as a get together for singles, he blesses us.
Mike, Colorado
Sow Into the Younger Generation
October 16, 2002
My church has many single mothers, and I find great joy in helping them with their children. Many of them have more than one child and sometimes need a break. So I have slumber parties and plan fun events to take kids to. Being a part of the youth ministry has taught me so much about parenting; I just know I'm going to raise awesome children. Having so many little eyes on me keeps me accountable. Believe me, young people watch to see if you walk your talk. Be a mentor. It will change your life!
Catrina N. Williams, Virginia
Start Something!
October 2, 2002
I'm 39 years old and have never been married. When I became a Christian, there was nowhere in my area for Christian singles to go to meet new friends. Like a lot of singles, I attended a small church with hardly any singles in the congregation. Before I gave my life to Christ, I could meet all kinds of singles in the bars; then I became a Christian and sat home every weekend and suffered many lonely holidays. Finally, God prompted me to start a ministry for Christian singles, a large monthly gathering that's grown to impact my area in a big way. I'd have loved to have a place such as Singlelight to attend when I became a Christian. Through this ministry God reminds me daily that he hasn't forgotten about me — he just wanted to use this single time of my life to be a blessing to others.
Dan Garris, North Carolina
Get Involved on Sunday Morning
September 18, 2002
I used to have an awful time in church on Sunday mornings because I'd look around and see what seemed like all happy families and couples. I felt painfully alone sitting there by myself, so I joined the choir. I have no musical training at all, but I'm having fun and am now too busy to focus on being single. It doesn't have to be the choir, I think getting involved in anything that includes participation in the service would help. Likewise, we have a singles group that meets at our church, but as the only single parent in the bunch, I didn't fit in. I find I'm happier when I participate in a group where the focus isn't on being single.
Kerry Mitkus, North Carolina
Single-Again Resources
September 4, 2002
A great book to help those going through the death of a marriage is Growing Through Divorce by Jim Smoke. Another fantastic resource is Fresh Start's Divorce Recovery Workbook. It's even better if you can attend one of their Friday-night-through-Saturday seminars. The 13-week Divorce Care seminars will give you support whether you're separated or divorced. I hope these tips will help some of you newly separated or newly divorced singles out there. My heart is with each of you, as well as my prayers that God will help you heal, just as he continues to heal me.
Lin Desch
Two Great Reads
August 21, 2002
Besides talking to God, I've found help in two wonderful books. The first is for both men and women. The book is The Mystery of Marriage by Mike Mason. The other book is for the women. It's If Men Are Like Buses, Then How do I Catch One? by Michelle McKinney Hammond. With a title like that you'd think it's a pick-up guide, but it's not. Both of these authors offer insight and complete honesty.
Nicole LaFountain
Guys' Night In
August 7, 2002
Yes! There is an equivalent to "Girls' Night In." Christian guys get together for a bar-be-que in someone's backyard and enjoy a nice steak dinner with all the trimmings. We then sit around talking about our jobs and try to figure out women. Then, someone suggests we all go over to so-in-so's house to see his high-performance classic car, where we drool and share stories about the model car we used to have growing up. We make some motor noises in unison together, then we all go back for an outdoor bonfire where we sing some songs and roast marshmallows on a stick. (Women do this sort of thing, don't they?)
Dave
Girls' Night In
July 24, 2002
Last weekend, I had six of my single girlfriends over for a slumber party. We had a ball! It was a potluck, and I also asked them to bring along their favorite beauty supplies. I have a whirlpool tub and offered sign-ups for 20-30 minutes of bathing bliss. We watched videos, did our nails, hot waxed our hands, talked nonstop, and laughed and laughed! Only two of the women had planned to sleep over, but the others ended up staying until 2:30 in the morning and wishing they'd planned to stay! I think I'm going to make this a quarterly event. Most of the women who came that night are single moms, and this gave them a nice break. Hey, gather a few of your friends together and do the same!
MLP, California
Wait for God's Best
July 10, 2002
My word of encouragement for single Christians is to wait for God's best by faith. Remember, good is often the enemy of the best. God honors our faith in him by meeting our needs, and he does this best when we focus on him instead of the situation. He's not intimidated by our circumstances. If God wants us to be married, he'll orchestrate the encounter. We have nothing to fear except getting in his way and trying to write our life script rather than following his. God gives us the choice between his plans and ours. In the midst of her circumstances, Ruth couldn't possibly have foreseen that a man such as Boaz would be her prince (Ruth 4). We don't want to look back one day and regret that we made our life mate choice simply because we longed for the security of a relationship. God will give us his best if we wait for it. He is faithful.
Leave No Room for Pity
June 26, 2002
I decided to become an elementary school reading mentor when I became weary of my own self-pity from broken relationships, job stress, and uterine cancer. I was tired of the brokenness and grief from knowing I'd never have a child even if I did marry. So I figured helping a child in the public school system as a reading mentor might help me as well. I grew to care greatly for my young mentoree, Erin, a fifth grade girl. She was smart, she just needed someone to encourage her and to take an interest in her work. We created a scrapbook depicting some of the books we read. We also took photos of Erin and some of her accomplishments throughout the year for the scrapbook. By the end of the school year, the little scrapbook seemed more like a storybook featuring Erin as the main character. She accomplished a project that wouldn't have been possible had it not been for our time together. With minimal effort to help a child, I was filled with such gratitude and happiness—leaving less room for my unwanted self-pity.
Pam Litschke, Oklahoma
Focus Outward
June 12, 2002
My advice is this: Rise above the temptation to become self-absorbed by touching the lives of others with your love. As single adults, I think we can slip into despair by becoming overly focused on our own needs or desires. For example, we might develop an attitude, saying, "I want to find a partner who fits MY needs … someone who's compatible with ME … someone who gives ME joy … someone who understands ME … someone who finds ME attractive, etc." Or we can generate our own sorrow by dwelling on what our lives lack: a date, a sexual partner in marriage, emotional intimacy, someone with whom we can share financial expenses, etc. Again, we can become self-absorbed if we dwell on needs that aren't currently being met. I think the far better alternative is to focus on ways we can bless others with our loving kindness. Send out birthday cards or notes of encouragement. Offer to lead a service project in your church or community. Volunteer to tutor children. Cook dinner for a neighbor who's ill. Spend time chatting with a coworker who needs a listening ear. Care for a friend by offering to pray with him or her for ten minutes. I've found that when I look for ways to bless others, my own life is blessed with joy, love, and a sense of purpose. It's a more positive approach, one that rarely leads me to feel lonely and even more rarely allows me to feel despair over my current single status.
anonymous
A Matter of Perspective
May 29, 2002
The thing that's helped me most in regards to my singleness was when I started focusing on the things I have rather than on the things I don't have. The Lord has given me a great family, health, and opportunities to travel, both for pleasure and to help serve Christian ministries. He's given me a job I love as a teacher and the opportunity to go to graduate school to further that career. I love children, and yes, I miss not having my own kids. But I've come to realize there are so many children in this world who have no one and who need the love and care I have to give. Believe me, I've had difficult times as a single. But at this point in my life and in my Christian journey, I'm happier and more content than I ever have been. So my advice is to concentrate on the good things God's put in your life. It's all a matter of perspective—and choosing to be thankful for what we have.
Janet Perkins
Divorce-Recovery Resources
May 15, 2002
As a single-again woman, I've read tons of self-help-type resources. There are two I've found most helpful. The first, Formerly a Wife, deals with the feelings of rejection and loss you experience when your marriage ends. It also helps readers realize there's light at the end of the tunnel and that God really does work bad situations in our lives into some sort of good. The second, The Divorce Recovery Workbook, helps those of us who are single-again work through our emotions. When our marriage ends, we experience the entire roller coaster of emotions, sometimes all in just one day. The book also helped me realize what I'd done to contribute to the failure of my marriage and what I could do to resolve those issues and become a whole person. This workbook helped me see exactly what I desire in a relationship and taught me how to avoid settling simply for whoever's available right now. I hope others will find these two books helpful in their search for wholeness and recovery from a failed marriage.
Cindy Wright, Texas
Treat Yourself Right
May 1, 2002
I like to use Sunday afternoons and evenings as my special pamper time. I'm an esthetician (someone who does facials) so I pamper people and make them feel special all week long. I, too, like to be pampered and made to feel special, but as a single person I don't have that special someone to rub my feet after a long day or to bring me flowers just because. So, I do it all myself. I buy fresh flowers every week, usually on Saturdays so I can enjoy them all week long. On Sunday evenings I like to make myself a special dinner (as though I was having company), and I usually enjoy my meal with a fun movie. Before the night is over, I enjoy a bubble bath (hot in the winter and a cool in the summer). Often I give myself a facial or a hair pack while reading my Bible or another good book. All of this special treatment helps me feel good about myself and gets me all relaxed and ready for a new week.
Karen Layton, California
Fighting the Sunday-Evening Blues
April 17, 2002
As a single Christian, I have a personal relationship with Jesus that fulfills my desires for companionship 6 1/2 days a week. However, on Sunday nights, after being with Christian friends all day, I go home to my dark, quiet home once again. On that night I crave human company most of all. I've shared this with my two children and my mother, and often they'll call just to touch base with me. The other thing I do is record my favorite TV show, "Touched by an Angel," and watch it that night. When very late night contact is necessary, I have a friend in South Africa who's just starting her day around midnight my time. So if I can't sleep, she's there to chat or to pray with me.
anonymous
Entering Right Relationships
April 3, 2002
I found an article online this morning called "Picking Safe People" by Dr. Henry Cloud. I was so impressed by it, I thought other singles out there might like to peruse it and glean some insights. Here's the link: http://cloudtownsend.com/Articles/pick_safe.htm.
David Livergood
The Sounds of Singleness
March 20, 2002
As a single guy, I really appreciate the latest album from The Normals , entitled A Place Where You Belong. The general theme is our longing to be home, spiritually and physically, with our friends, family, and heavenly Father. I've found songs such as "I'll Be Home Soon," "On My Own," and "Epilogue" to be powerful and encouraging whenever I'm coping with loneliness. But the real highlights for us single adults are "Less Than Love," which reminds us to accept the consequences of our relationships and never settle for less than what God has planned for us, and "Grace," a stunning anthem that calls for Christian men to seek purity in their relationships with women (the song gives me chills at times!). The overall sound of A Place Where You Belong is contemplative, progressive pop that appeals to fans of Travis, Peter Gabriel, Sting, and the soaring anthems of U2. If you like thought-provoking lyrics, creative sounds, catchy melodies, and encouraging messages for singles, I highly recommend this album.
Russ Breimeier, Illinois
Thinking Seasonally
March 6, 2002
My pastor gave an interesting message last year that had nothing to do with singleness, but it still hit home for me as a single person. The topic was "Understanding Your Season," and he told us how farmers understand that there's a time for sowing seed and a time for reaping a harvest. In order for there to be a good crop, a farmer will sow the right kind of seed, in the right conditions, during the correct season. He/she will not go dig up that seed nor look for the harvest until it's harvesting time. Likewise in life, there is a season for everything—marriage, job, school, relocation, death, etc.
I realized the same is true for our singleness—there is a season. As one friend of mine put it, "Why be anxious about marriage here in 2002 when it may be in God's plan for you to get married in 2005?!" God's ways and his timing are always best. Like a farmer, he knows the right conditions and correct time for each season. Relax, and as the Bible says, be anxious for nothing!
Stacy Porter, Virginia
Recommended Reading
February 20, 2002
I've read Luci Swindoll's book Wide My World, Narrow My Bed numerous times over the years. It's great to pick up when I need a renewed perspective on singleness, because it brings me back to a place of celebrating this phase of my life and making it all it can be. Lucy's capitalized on all the pros of singleness, and she looks at life with a tremendous sense of humor. I highly recommend this book to people who need a shot of encouragement to make their single life as full as it possibly can be!
Jane Schell, Wisconsin
Dining Alone In Style
January 23, 2002
I was on a business trip, staying in a hotel with no room service for dinner, when I discovered the drive-up take-out service offered at Macaroni Grill. You call ahead, place your order, go to the restaurant, park in one of the few take-out spots near the front door, then a waiter brings you a bag (packed with your dinner, bread and oil, a big piece of the butcher paper they usually put on the table, a couple crayons, and a menu for future reference) and your bill. Lot's of restaurant chains now offer this service. It's a great way to treat yourself to a great meal when you're not in the mood to cook, can't find anyone free to do dinner with you, and for whatever reason, aren't up for dining out alone.
Camerin Courtney
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