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A Watched Phone …
7 singles share how they avoid obsessing about a potential new love interest and take every thought captive to Christ
April 4, 2007
Be Present
After much obsessing, the key I've found is to enjoy the present and not allow one part of your life to determine the rest of it. When I fully concentrate on the present, I'm busy enjoying the people I'm with, my hobbies, a good book, good food. I find I spend very little time missing anything. The Bible tells us to think on things that are true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, and excellent (Philippians 4:8). When we're present doing this, we can't help but be content.
Gilaine
Don't Go It Alone
It's so hard to not let your thoughts hold you captive. It's easier if the situation is blatantly sinful—you know you shouldn't. But when you're waiting on that someone to call …
My advice? First, ask for the Holy Spirit to help. I try to make sure I'm never doing anything out of sheer willpower. So ask for help from the Helper.
From there, force your mind to focus on something else. Use the opportunity to clean, exercise, visit someone who needs cheering up, or better yet, spend time in the Word. Set your mind on things above, not on the telephone!
My guy friends tell me one big turn-off is a woman who checks in with them too much. And frankly, as exciting as it is when you first discover that someone you like likes you back, it's a major trap to put your focus on that one individual. So keep the Lord as the focus of your life from the start, and you'll avoid major pitfalls later.
Danielle
Gain Perspective
First, I take a breath and try to realize this isn't life and death. I get moving and stop waiting for the shoe to drop. No mail? Still waiting for "the call"? I go work out, call a friend, take in a movie, or do something constructive. I try to replace unwanted thoughts with others I know will benefit me. And I realize people do have other things going on in their lives that may keep them away from things they'd like to do … like calling.
David
Take It to the Cross
I have obsessive-compulsive tendencies, and God revealed to me a number of months ago that he can heal me. He gave me 2 Corinthians 10:5 as kind of a theme verse: "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."
Initially, I couldn't figure out how one might take every thought captive to Christ. After praying about what that looks like, God showed me what to do. I'm a very imaginative person and tend to visualize a lot. So I mentally write down whatever I'm obsessing about, then I take that paper, mentally, to a visualized cross and I nail it there and walk away. God always steps in and takes the thought. I don't know what he does or how he does it, but it usually takes days for one of those thoughts to come back to me again.
Kristine
Just Breathe
I attach some short truth or Bible verse to my breathing—intentionally breathing deeply with a thought that will interrupt the obsessive thinking and begin to break those chains. For example, I might breathe in thinking the words "You are my beloved," and breathe out thinking, "On you my favor rests." Several repetitions can refocus me to more productive thoughts, not to mention the fact that good breathing helps relax the body.
Diane
Ask the Tough Question
I often ask myself this question when I find myself in this situation: "Do I think about Christ this much?" Do I check and see if he has something to say to me? If my answer is "no," then I spend a little more time concentrating on what God has for me. If something is occupying your mind and not leaving room for Christ to dwell there, then it's not healthy.
To change my thoughts, I read a good book and do some soul searching. More often than not, the guy isn't spending near as much time worrying about whether or not he's going to call me. So I don't make myself the prisoner of others' schedule or emotions.
Cary
Change Your Focus
Trying not to obsess about a relationship in the past often failed me because I was still making my thoughts captive to the relationship. I've learned that my very thought process was the reason why my thoughts remained on the relationship. Here's what I'd say to myself: "I need to get my mind off of this relationship. I'm gonna go [insert task here]." It sounded like a good plan to me at the time.
But what I failed to realize in trying to break away from the preoccupation with the relationship was that I was still thinking about the relationship. "I need to get my mind off of this relationship." In trying to escape from the thoughts, I instead buried myself more into them. No wonder I was all messed up!
For me to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ, Jesus must be the One who fills my thoughts. Instead of thinking about relationships with others, I need to think about my relationship with him first. It helps me to ask myself, "What would God think about this?" or "What would Jesus do in this situation?" In thinking about God first, my thoughts immediately become obedient to him. In all I do, even in the seemingly mysterious realm of love, I know that I should strive to put God first. It's not always easy, but it certainly makes things easier.
R. W.
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