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If you were to venture into the bowels of my closet, you would find the following evidence of weddings past: five long dresses (in shades of cranberry, sky blue—not periwinkle, cobalt, lilac, and navy); four pairs of strappy shoes; five albums jammed with wedding photos; and, depending on how closely you're looking, maybe even a smattering of bobby pins. And you'd know the truth: I've been a bridesmaid.

Full closet or no, standing up in someone's wedding is a huge honor. It means someone counts me in their top five (or seven or nine). It means someone trusts me enough to have me stand as a witness to the promises she and her almost-husband are making. And not least of all, it means someone loves me enough to risk having me trip down the aisle so I can be part of their big day.

But despite the honor of this role, the bridesmaid package also comes with its own set of challenges—especially if your own groom hasn't shown up yet. With wedding season around the corner, I've been thinking about a few of the things I wish I'd known before I signed up for bridesmaidhood.

1. A bridesmaid's primary responsibility is moral support.
The first time a friend asked me to stand up in her wedding, I assumed my biggest concerns would be getting my dress altered and not locking my knees during the ceremony. What I didn't realize was how much support my friend would need—both before and during the big day.

When my friend Sarah was planning her wedding, she'd recently moved across the country, far from friends and family. On top of that, she was in a new and stressful job that allowed her little time to make plans. I flew out with the idea that I'd help with some of the logistics. And while I did log some hours on the phone as Sarah's personal "Stephretary" (as she and her fiancé dubbed me), I quickly realized that even more pressing for the bride than the 1,001 details are the emotional stressors that come with the wedding package.

So as much as you can, be available. Offer your support—whether that means listening well, running interference with opinionated Aunt Helen, taking advantage of goofy photo ops, or carving out time to pray with your friend.

2. It's okay to talk to your friend about how you're doing.
Our culture (wedding magazines and theknot.com included) seems to propagate the idea that the world revolves around the bride and her tiara. And while it's important to recognize this is a big season of her life, that doesn't diminish the fact this is still a mutual relationship.

When my friend and roommate Linnea got engaged, it felt like a loss to me on several levels. And as the wedding approached, the prospect of having our college friends in town with husbands in tow—and with no date of my own for the wedding—wasn't helping matters any. I kept all those thoughts to myself, however, assuming that's what a good bridesmaid was supposed to do. Until one Saturday afternoon, when I had a first-class Maid-of-Honor Meltdown. Linnea and I were sorting through the kitchen stuff, trying to remember whose pans were whose—and without warning, my waterproof mascara was being put on trial. The way I saw it, I was losing a walking buddy, someone to pray with at night, and help with the rent, and here she was getting a husband, a new house, and a complete registry of gifts.

As mortifying as my little meltdown was, though, that day was a turning point in our friendship. Airing that stuff helped her understand what I was going through—and to my surprise, I discovered her wedding would mean certain losses for her, too. All to say: I highly recommend communication. And if you can talk about things along the way and avoid a teary kitchen-sorting session later, all the better.

3. Being a bridesmaid is a sacrifice.
No matter how elaborate your friend's wedding will be, the bridesmaid's job description will probably come with a hefty price tag. Financially speaking, all those little expenses add up, and even when you're happy to do it for your friend, the credit card bill still can be painful. Some of these costs can't be avoided—they just have to be chalked up to the because-I-love-you category of the budget. But it's not a bad idea to consider at the outset how much you want to spend altogether on this wedding shebang. That way you can plan accordingly when it comes to the more negotiable items. You might consider giving a handmade or personalized gift—something with sentimental rather than registry value. After all, there are still dress alteration expenses to be considered.

And while we're on the topic, we might as well acknowledge that despite a bride's best attempts, your dress itself will likely represent a sacrifice on your part—and not just financially. It's wise to abandon all expectations of acquiring that elusive dress you'll actually wear again, a dress you'll look beautiful in or—let's be serious—even one that doesn't make you feel fat. Regardless, be generous to the bride: After all, she's trying to accommodate all shapes and sizes and fashion tastes. (Besides, if the dresses are a royal flop, she'll have to explain to future generations why she chose the teal-and-sequin combo.)

4. Yes, this whole Ms.-to-Mrs. thing is going to change your friendship, but your friend will still need you.
When my housemate of three years got married, I thought I was prepared—after all, her fiancé John ate dinner at our house on a regular basis, and I even went to the movies with them occasionally without feeling too much like a third wheel. But when they returned from their honeymoon, I discovered that a new dynamic was necessary. We still talked and saw each other frequently, but we had to plan ahead more and communicate expectations more explicitly. Perhaps most significantly, all three of us needed to support the healthy emotional shift—that her husband was her default support person now.

All that said, however, John will never fill the role of a girlfriend in their relationship. There are some things—like our penchant for wearing outlandish thrift-store finds and our talks about life and God over microwave s'mores—that can't be changed by her wedding band or my sparkly silver shoes.

5. When you stand up in the wedding, you're committing to silent vows of your own.
As a bridesmaid, you'll be indelibly linked to your friend, to this wedding, and to the marriage. This isn't just about the honor of being among the bride's closest friends (although that's part of it). Essentially, you're making a commitment to God and to this couple that you'll do whatever you can to support their marriage. This means praying for their relationship and helping your friend see the best in her husband, even when it would be easier to gossip. It means celebrating with the couple and affirming the growth you see, even when you don't feel like it. It means asking questions and holding them to their vows, even when it's awkward. It means, in short, that you, too, will be fighting for their marriage.

I was talking to a friend recently about her engagement and wedding (hers was the one with the cobalt dresses). It's been several years since, but she hasn't forgotten my bridesmaid duties. Here, in part, is her e-mail:

Thank you for being willing to shell out money on a dress and an overpriced hair appointment and multiple shower gifts. But on a deeper level, those sacrifices meant more than that to me. They were tangible ways you supported me when I was going through the crazy Wedding Machine. It really showed me how much you love me.

When it comes down to it, I guess that's why we do it. Not for the new shade of dress to add to the closet, and certainly not for the chance to participate in another bouquet toss. It's for the sake of that friend who needs you now more than ever.

And if all else fails, you can always sell that dress on eBay.

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