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We Get By with a Little Help from Our Friends
6 singles share the blessings of friendship.
July 25, 2007
Good Grief
My friend Lynda never met my husband, yet she "knew" him through me. I met her the day after he died of cancer. When I went into the pizza place she managed, she took one look at me, came around the counter, hugged me, and said, "You look like you need a friend." We were fast friends from that day on.
Two years after my husband's death, I had dinner with Lynda. That night I told her about a recurring dream I'd been having of my husband telling me he's OK. I'd experience this dream as though his death were imagined, a hoax; he was still alive. Then when I'd wake in the morning, reality would set in once again, and I'd feel as if I was grieving his loss all over again.
Lynda took my hand and said, "Oh Barb, you're missing the bigger picture. Didn't you tell me he promised to find some way of letting you know he was safely in heaven?" I'd been looking for this sign during my waking hours and was growing frustrated he had yet to find a way to send it. Grief had blinded me from seeing he'd kept his promise through my dream.
Thanks to Lynda's insight and friendship, I finally saw the sign my husband sent. From that moment on, I was able to deal with my grief much better. Through my faith and my dear friend Lynda's constant encouragement, I continued to heal.
-Barb
Birthday Blessing
Last year, I arrived at one of those birthdays I always thought I'd celebrate with a special someone. Instead, I made plans with my best friend—my mom. She sacrificed to give me my desires for the perfect day, willingly riding the train from the suburbs into Chicago even though she hates the bustle of public transportation and the city.
But when I learned of her desires for the birthday lunch spot, I hesitated. After all, I'd stood outside the Walnut Room on the 7th floor of the former Marshall Field's building numerous times and promised myself I'd only dine at that elegant restaurant when accompanied someday by an elegant man. But discussing which fork to use and where to place the butter knife while sharing butternut squash ravioli and Frango mint pie with my mom after an hour or two of browsing designer labels on the floors beneath the restaurant was far more comfortable—and girly—than any pressured date could've been. And listening to her laughter at a production of Wicked a few hours later reminded me how much I value our shared sense of humor and our countless chuckles over witty, inside jokes.
The long train ride home and then one more first-time restaurant visit to a fancy Italian spot I'd always considered as another "date-only place" reminded me how fortunate I am to enjoy being in her company for long, relaxing hours. We giggled shyly over pronouncing items on the menu, yet my mom boldly informed the intimidating server to treat the birthday girl royally.
When I returned to my apartment after our feast that evening, I met a new neighbor outside who, after learning of my birthday, asked if I'd be celebrating later that night with a guy. "No, I don't have a boyfriend," I replied. But as I told her about the special memories I'd created with my mom earlier that day, I knew they'd last far longer than any I could've formed with a potentially temporary boyfriend. And even though I have a guy in my life now, I just might spend my upcoming birthday with my very best friend again.
-Andrea
Hopeful Devotion
My friend Ginny and I met for Chinese food last month. Ginny is one of several women in my life who refresh me like a large sweet tea on a hot summer day. Like me, she had a radical salvation experience, and her fire hasn't dimmed these seven years later. Sitting with someone who "gets it" when I talk passionately about Jesus is a precious gift. And seeing her awe at a recent revelation of how God is "ravished by us" was contagious.
We talked for nearly three hours about sin, disappointment, singleness, hope, joy, longing for deeper humility and more consistently holy walks with God. Even after we paid our check and bundled up to head out into the wintry New York City night, we kept talking all the way to the subway.
That night, Ginny offered me two gifts. First, because she loves Christ passionately, Ginny pointed me to his redemptive glory, as is always her mission. And because I was in the midst of the most difficult season of sorrow and loss I've ever experienced, I needed people to keep directing my focus to Christ.
Second, because she was standing on the other side of the desert I was crawling through, Ginny offered understanding. Several years ago, she had an experience eerily similar to the painful and confusing breakup I was grieving. When I struggled to explain my experience to her, she was able to express my feelings exactly with words I hadn't yet been able to find. Ginny's ability to empathize was particularly meaningful and encouraging to me.
What happened that night was an incarnation of one of my favorite scriptures: "Be devoted to one another in (sisterly) love" (Romans 12:10). Ginny is one of several sisters in my life who are devoted to loving people with Christ's love. Not just available, not just willing, but devoted. She's vulnerable and transparent and generous in relationships, and she's eager to edify and strengthen her sisters in the Lord—including me.
-Christy
Excellent Adventures
Over the past 15 years, my friend Caroline has introduced me to many outdoor activities, such as hiking, kayaking, canoeing, and biking. Through all these activities, I experience the splendor of God through the breathtaking scenery of our beautiful British Columbia. Our friendship also took us on a trip to the British Isle one year and to Europe another. After each trip, Caroline always writes a delightful poem about all the fun incidents that happen during our travels.
Through the principle of "iron sharpening iron," Caroline and I have learned to mature in our relationship with others and with God. We work hard to be transparent when resolving conflicts. I'm grateful for this friend I can always count on for prayers, fun adventures, or last-minute outings.
-Janice
Adopted Sister
I've been friends with Jennifer since 1983. We met when she was in third grade and I was in sixth. Her parents "adopted" me as their "third child" long ago. Jennifer and I are now 35 and 32, we both teach at the elementary level, and we both married architects. Unfortunately, I'm now divorced from my architect. Toward the end of the separation from my husband, I was stupidly dating a man before, during, and after my divorce. He broke up with me four months after my divorce was final, and I was beyond devastated. Looking back, I realize my pain came from finally having to deal with the loss of my marriage. Amazingly, Jennifer never judged me through this time, even though I made plenty of unwise decisions.
The night after the breakup when my wounds were quite raw, Jennifer and I went for coffee with her sister. Jennifer was gladly "babysitting" me for the evening so I wouldn't be alone. After we got our coffee and sat down, she and her sister returned to the counter for something. I was alone for several minutes. Try as I might, I just couldn't keep my mind off my sorrows. When they finally returned to the table, I was a second away from bursting into uncontrollable tears right in the middle of the coffee shop. Jennifer took one look at me and said, "Oh! I'm so sorry! I was gone too long, wasn't I?" At that moment we went from being friends to being sisters.
-Erin
Unconditional Support
I recently went through a breakup with a non-Christian guy. Even though I knew deep down this relationship would have a hurtful ending, I still struggled to pull myself out of it. The guy was great in every way … except that he didn't share my faith in Christ. In the end, I realized no matter how good a guy is, a gap between my belief and his is too great to bridge. I couldn't share a big part of my heart with this guy because he simply couldn't understand.
I felt lost and lonely and unsure how to move on without him in my life. Thankfully, my girlfriends came to the rescue. The day after my breakup, a dear friend spent the entire day with me. Initially we tried to avoid talking about my breakup so I wouldn't cry. But eventually the topic came up, and I was so thankful my dear sister didn't just say, "See, I told you you'd wind up with a broken heart if you dated a non-Christian." Instead she reminded me that God loves me and that he has something better planned for me. Several times throughout the day I broke down in tears because of difficult memories. My friend simply put her arm around me and listened. Friends such as this one are gifts from God.
-Catherine
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