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Moving Back Home
8 singles share their thoughts and experiences on moving near family
August 22, 2007
A Fresh Start
After their graduations, both of my college-age kids were contemplating interstate moves. Several of my friends had taken job transfers and left the area, and some others had dropped from the picture after my divorce. I hadn't lived in my hometown for 25 years, but the idea intrigued me. It had been tough on my siblings caring for our father before his death, and I felt helpless being so far away. The thought of living near my three siblings, their families, and my mom had a lot of appeal. So I moved back to my hometown four years ago and have never regretted it.
Shortly after I moved, my mother met a man at her church and remarried. They lead an active life, so she hasn't required the care I'd anticipated. But I've stepped into leadership roles at my church, dated an old high school flame for a while, and have built a wonderful new life. I host most of the family gatherings at my house and have enjoyed getting to know all my nieces and nephews better. This year my grown daughter moved here too so I can be close to my brand-new grandson. God is good.
-Julie
Caregiving vs. Career
I haven't done so yet, but my late 70-something parents are really hoping I'll move back to my hometown within the next couple years. I'm a never-married 45-year-old woman, and I feel a keen sense of the biblical mandate to honor my parents. Currently they're living at home and are capable of independent living, but I'd like to assist in their care should they need it in the future.
The problem is my career. I'm a professional symphony orchestra musician, and that isn't the kind of job you can easily find in any new city. There has to be an opening in the orchestra and you have to win an audition (not an easy feat). My hometown does have an orchestra, but there haven't been openings for my instrument for a while. I could be a freelance musician, but that would mean starting from scratch in establishing a network for gigs and setting up a new private teaching studio. I've been away for about 20 years, so I no longer have any contacts in the area. My other option is to completely change careers in midlife. I don't really want to do that as I love my job and have no idea what else to try at this point in life.
All to say, moving back home would involve a major sacrifice financially and relationally, as I'd leave behind my network of friends as well. But I'm praying about it and trying to rest in the fact that God knows the difficulties involved for all of us. He's in charge of the future.
-J.J.
Parents as Roommates
I moved back home after five years of college and working both out of town and out of state. I felt God nudging me, pointing out that I say I value family, but was I really living that while living 12 hours from home? So, I moved back into my parents' house two years ago. Due to financial reasons (houses are really expensive where I live), I'm still there.
I don't think this decision has affected my singleness much. I don't date, but then again I've never really dated so there's no real change there. I love the security of living with people I love and trust. It's also nice to share the cooking and cleaning and to have people around with whom I can completely be myself.
However, I love to entertain, and since I don't have my own space, I don't have people over nearly as much as I think I would if I lived in a house or an apartment either by myself or with roommates.
-Laura
Bringing Home to You
As a single mom for the past six years, I've chosen not to move from my current home in Texas back to California to be near my parents. My career, as well as my high-school-age daughters' activities, make it impractical for us to move. Instead, my parents, who are in their mid-70s, have decided to move to the Houston area. It isn't that I was drawn "back home" or that I need to spend a great deal of time around my folks, I just want to be able to help them when that time comes.
-Lynn
We Are Family
I lived by myself for seven years, and just this past January I moved back in with four of my siblings. This has been an interesting and stretching journey for me. I enjoyed living by myself, even though there were lonely times. But I don't regret this move at all.
Moving back in with family has been lots of fun and also made me realize how living by myself affected me. I became unfamiliar with close relationships. When I first moved in, I didn't know how to deal with the normal family spats. Living by myself, I simply didn't have those conflicting differences we all have when living with others.
One advantage of living by myself was that I had more freedom and time to pursue my relationship with God. Now I have to work harder at getting my alone times with God.
-Dorothy
Sacrificial Love
After college, I moved from the Midwest to the East Coast for graduate school and then work. Eventually I decided I needed to live much closer to my family because they were going through a rough period. It's been a year since I moved back, and I'm learning how much I gave up. I'm very far from the most interesting work in my field … and apparently from any single Christian men near my age. Right now the benefit of being here is the difference I can make for my family, which is extremely important to me. But I also want to enjoy other areas of life, so hopefully things will become more balanced soon.
-Rachael
The Pull of Nieces and Nephews
I officially left home at 18, moving from Detroit to Los Angeles for college. Two years later, I moved back to Detroit, worked for four years, and made my way to New York for my bachelor's degree. Six years later, I remain single without a prospect in sight. I'm in a great church here and serve as a worship leader. Although most of the church members are married, we're all around the same age so we're like one big happy family.
Here's my problem: My nieces and nephew were born around the time I moved to New York. When I had breaks from school, I went home to bond with them. Once school was over and I found myself working fulltime with little breaks in between, I grew homesick and heartsick. Being unmarried, I'm still strongly attached to my immediate family.
Since I love my church so much, I always thought I'd find a man, get married, and stay in New York. If that were to happen, I don't think I'd be so homesick. But that hasn't happened, and I can't cope with the distance any longer. I've just decided to move closer to my family.
This decision is a little bittersweet. I always felt that if I returned home, I'd be bringing my finance to meet my family, or visiting my family with my husband and children. Since I don't have children of my own, I want to spend as much time as I can with my nieces and nephew, who are 4, 5, and 6, and are some of the coolest kids I've ever met.
-Andrea
The Blessing of Two Families
I moved to Colorado after falling in love with the mountains and the area's active, healthy lifestyle. I lived there for a year and married a man I met there. Three months into our marriage, when 9-11 hit, our relationship took a downward spiral—and we never recovered. My ex-husband decided he didn't want to be married anymore, and we divorced. Once the divorce was final, I moved back to Wisconsin. I needed to be around my family. Their support and love helped heal my wounds of disappointment and despair. I've since renewed my relationships with God and my family, and I found a church with which I'm actively involved.
I still have wonderful friends in Colorado and I visit them several times a year. My former roommate became a best friend and her whole family has adopted me as an honorary member. Her mother even added me to their family tree! I wouldn't give them up for the world. I still feel the pull to move back there, but for now I feel blessed to have two wonderful families!
-Cindi
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