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The Last Goodbye
7 singles share how they heal and move on after a breakup.
October 31, 2007
Living Large
I suffered a breakup about four months ago. One crucial part of my healing was pouring out my heart to God. I sat on the outdoor patio at Starbucks and played my guitar and read my Bible. I wrote, soaked in nature, and cried when I needed to, because holding in tears is never good. I went to the Psalms often and prayed blessings over my life from Jeremiah 33, an excellent chapter on restoration.
Another help after my breakup was having close friends who listened as well as distracted me with fun activities. My best friend and I had spontaneous outings to celebrate life and God's goodness. Three weeks after the breakup, I went on my first camping trip with her and another friend. Our trip was full of adventures that still have us laughing. I did some activities my boyfriend and I'd talked about doing together, such as going to the county fair. Being there without him was difficult, but I wasn't going to let my life stop because the relationship did.
-Jocelyne
Finding Faith
My first girlfriend broke up with me at the beginning of our sophomore year in college. We'd been together a year and a half. The breakup took a huge toll on me.
Looking back on it, I see the wisdom in Solomon's words: "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven … a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build" (Ecclesiastes 3:1, 3-4). I felt as if part of me died with that relationship's end; the previous year and a half of commitment seemed like a total loss. But after the breakup, I reconnected with friends and family in a way I'd missed while dating seriously. I became a new person, healing and growing into who I am today.
What helped me survive my breakup was knowing God's always faithful, even though I don't always understand his ways. He gave me a relationship, and he allowed me to lose it as well. God works "all things out for the good of those who love him" (Romans 8:28). I must have faith he'll bring about good, even through the pain of a breakup.
-R.W.
Being Real
I went through a divorce in 2004. During the process, I felt my duty was to continue serving with a smile, simply praying God and I'd walk through this trial together. I believed divorce was so taboo that I couldn't tell anybody about mine.
Thankfully, God led me to seasoned Christian sisters who not only sympathized with me, but also empathized with me. Every one of them had her own story of survival! I couldn't believe other strong Christian women went through an experience of such magnitude that draws judgment from so many Christians.
Meeting these women made me realize opening up to the right people is absolutely OK, because they won't gossip about me and frown on my sins. Instead, the right people will encourage, support, and pray. Their fellowship was exactly what I needed at that vulnerable time in my life. I thank God for leading me to people who, like iron, sharpened me during my divorce.
-Natasha
Moving On
After a relationship's over, I praise God for letting me know my ex-boyfriend wasn't the one for me. I ask God what I'm supposed to learn from the relationship. I write a letter of what I want to say to my ex, but I don't send it. I call a friend every time I want to call the guy.
I don't interact with him after our breakup, but instead focus on healing and moving forward. After a bad breakup, I sometimes try online dating. It helps me realize many great Christian men are out there, and it gives me hope.
-Carol
Allowing Time
When my marriage shattered, I thought my world was ending. So whenever I felt I couldn't hang on any longer, I cried out to my Heavenly Father, read his Word, and listened to Christian music. I memorized Scripture that spoke God's truth into my heart and my situation. God met me every time and carried me through the darkness.
A few close friends supported, encouraged, hugged, and listened to me. They never left my side, but took care of me when I was too weak to care for myself. Through leaning on them, I learned to ask for help. I learned I shouldn't let my pride or Satan destroy that avenue of assistance.
I gave myself permission to take time to heal, refusing to feel pressured to "get over it" too quickly. On days I felt depleted of energy, I ordered takeout or enjoyed meals from friends. With their help and God's, I slowly began to heal.
-Linda
Seeking Closure
If I've been fully invested in a relationship, I make sure once it's over to do everything I would if someone had died. I tell my family and friends what I'm experiencing; and then I seek out a compassionate person who will let me spill everything and will give me good counsel.
I don't try to rekindle the relationship, and I resist any of the other person's attempts to do the same. Moving on is good and healthy. Journaling is a must and allows me to say whatever I need to. I make sure I've found some level of closure and contentment before I begin a new relationship.
-Dodi
Helping Others
Every time I go through a breakup, I remind myself if being with that person the rest of my life was God's best, the relationship would've worked. But since it didn't, it must not have been God's best. The Creator of the universe made me in his image, and he knows better than I do what's best for me.
I also pray God will take my hurt and turn it into some kind of ministry; perhaps he'll show me fellow hurting Christians who need my love and prayers. Getting the focus off myself always helps.
-Christina
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