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If a woman is interested in you, what do you prefer she do? Ask you out? Flirt and drop hints of her interest? Wait for you to perhaps develop interest in her and act on it yourself?

The problem with dating is that no one likes going out on a limb, only to learn their feelings aren't reciprocated. We guys are "lucky" enough to be saddled with this responsibility, though I'm not above the idea of a woman being forward and suggesting the idea of going out.

It's important to remember that dating is a two-way street, just like building any relationship. We need to be responsive to those we're interested in, even in small ways. I once knew a young woman who I'd invite to various parties and outings in effort to get to know her better; I like to get a feel for a woman's personality in a broader setting before going out in a more private setting. In this case, for whatever reason, she always turned down those invitations, even though she knew plenty of people attending these events. Turns out that she had feelings for me and later complained to me that I was clueless about it. Well, sorry, but it helps to communicate these things—what am I to think when you're always reclusive!

So while I tend to believe the man should ask the woman out, men try to gauge whether or not the woman is likely to say "yes." Women need to be mindful of this and drop little hints—and no, it's not necessary to go so far as flirting (not for me, anyway). For example, if I'm interested in a woman, I may try to e-mail her or find some other opportunity to strike up a conversation. If it goes well, I'll keep looking for ways to get to know her and converse before finally asking her out. If she's interested, then she needs to consider reciprocating somehow: initiate a conversation of her own, respond to a group invitation, or give some indication that she enjoys spending time with me. Otherwise, well, I've been told before that I need to "take a hint" when someone is non-responsive. If there's no response to my efforts to build a relationship, then I can only assume she's not interested, and so I move on.
-Russ, 35, never married

I'm not at all opposed to a woman asking me out. While I do understand that it's traditionally the guy's role to do the initiating, I see no reason women should have to sit passively by and wait if they're interested in someone. Women should be allowed to initiate and take action if they're so inclined.

Unfortunately, the traditional gender roles tend to make many guys unresponsive to this and some women hesitant or unwilling (not being a woman, I'm only guessing here) to ask a guy out.

But I think waiting for the other party to develop interest in you can be as damaging for women as for men. It can be a good strategy, but other times it only serves to allow you to develop deeper feelings for the person when he or she is going to say "no" regardless of how long you wait. Sometimes it's better to know right off the bat rather than set yourself up for future pain. That's been my experience, at least.

I think we tend to make things too hard for ourselves. Regardless of whether or not a woman wants to ask me out or wait and see if I take the initiative first, it would be nice to have some clue of her interest. It doesn't need to be as overt as flirting (although that sure doesn't hurt). It's as easy as being especially engaged in what I have to say, singling me out, showing an interest in me and my interests. It's a lot easier for a guy to ask a woman out if she shows some hint of interest.

By saying that I am not opposed to a woman asking me out, I'm not trying to shirk my traditional role. I'm fine with taking the initiative. But if a woman's interested in me and I appear oblivious or seem to be moving too slow, I'd have no problem with her asking me out. Why not?
-David, 25, never married

My thinking on the matter is that if a woman is interested, she should make herself available. Be friendly, talkative, and give things time. If that doesn't work, she is by all means free to suggest getting together for coffee.
-J.C.A., 47, divorced

The most effective way for a woman to indicate her interest in me is to invite me to a group function or activity. I'm fairly traditional in my views on dating, so the quickest way to make me run the other way is for a woman to ask me out or strongly indicate her interest in me. I prefer to date women with whom I've become acquainted through work, church, or other social groups. It isn't until I assess the friendship potential through those venues that I'm able to assess the one-on-one dating potential.

When I was in college, I met a very smart and attractive young lady at a ministry weekend retreat. However, she made it clear from our initial contact that weekend that she was interested in me, which immediately tempered my interest in her. She continued to decrease my interest in her by seeking to sit at my table in the college cafeteria the following week, offering to cook for me, and dropping not-so-subtle hints that she would like for me to ask her out. I never did.

In contrast, I met another young lady through a college club, who, though less talented and physically attractive than the first girl, allowed our acquaintance to develop through our club activities before asking me to join her at a social activity with the college sports team of which she was a part. Spending time with her in the group setting of her teammates created in me an interest to get to know her better and the desire to do one-on-one activities with her. I dated her for nearly two years.
-Kent, 37, never married

After taking a few weeks to learn about a Christian woman who captured my attention, I approached with the hopes of developing a relationship. Her enthusiasm and ability to communicate enticed me to lengthen the encounter. It became clear she'd done her homework and understood that I take my walk with the Lord seriously. Unfortunately, she hadn't learned about my life-long passion for movies as an art form.

Shifting the conversation from spiritual to social issues one day, I asked her opinion on the recent release of a controversial film. She immediately declared that she never goes to movies or any other place that Jesus wouldn't go. She quickly added that since I was a godly man, she knew I wouldn't set foot in a movie theater. Before I could address her comment, she asked about the calling God placed on my life. Feeling a bit awkward, I shared how God called me as a child to make films that touch the heart and encourage the hurting.

While some might consider her blasting movies in front of a filmmaker a blunder, I found I was only disappointed by her lack of desire to learn about how God, movies, and I were tied together. I prefer a woman who verifies her assumptions through questions before making presumptuous comments, and who desires to learn about me directly from me.
-CJ, 48, divorced

I don't think I'd necessarily like to be asked out point blank, but I'm not particularly bold myself. As I get older and gain more experience, I have to admit that asking a woman out doesn't get any easier. It's always helpful to men, I think, if women show some sort of interest. That may mean initiating more conversations and contact, joking around, mentioning that we should get together with a group of friends, or other subtle flirting. Yes, I guess some would consider that too non-traditional, but I welcome it. I think that gives men the little push, that little extra portion of confidence they sometimes need to move forward.
-Cory, 30, never married

Short answer—no, I wouldn't have an issue with a woman asking me out. Though, as we guys know, there should be no expectation of success for such boldness. Typically, I've initiated and pursued; if the woman is interested, she makes her feelings clear sooner or later. If she's not interested, the guy needs to make a decision—continue to pursue or move on.

Bottom line: When there's desire and chemistry in both people, there will be a connection. For both guys and gals, it's essential to treat each other with honor and respect, as befits Christians.
-Steve, 50, never married

Before I answer the question, I'd like to make an observation. The women I know thrive on verbal affirmation/feedback about their relationships. I like affirmation too, but talking about the status of a relationship seems to come naturally for the girls I know. So, when I ask a girl out, the relationship begins with a clear and undeniable expression that I'm interested and attracted and I leave no room for doubt in the girl's mind. This also works to combat the common "guys these days are passive" complaints. With that background, if a girl is interested in me, I feel more comfortable if she lets me ask her out.

So how does a girl who's interested in me show it? The simple answer is singling me out. I find a girl attractive who's confident enough in who she is to care about others. For example, let's say I'm at a party. I deliberately seek out a few people to talk to at large social gatherings because I have an introverted personality. So, when a girl goes out of her way to talk to me, it's a huge signal that she's interested. I also pay close attention to body language. A girl who makes a lot of eye contact with me, or shares a warm smile with me from across the room shows that she cares enough for me to find me in the crowd. If a girl is more extroverted, she could introduce me to the group with whom she's spending time.
-Jonathan, 23, never married

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