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My Dorkiest Valentines Day Ever
February 9, 2000
"I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation." Philippians 4:12
I have a confession to make: Several years ago I gave the all-time cheesiest Valentine's Day gift to my then-boyfriend. In defense I can only say it wasn't totally my fault. Mostly, maybe. But not totally.
It all started when a coworker asked what I was going to give Rob, my current
flame. When I told her I'd bought him a pair of boxer shorts with
glow-in-the-dark hearts on them, her eyebrows shot up in disapproving arches
faster than you can say "faux pas." I tried to explain to her that Rob had
told me he collects funny boxer shorts, that I was going for funny and not
kinky, that boxers have more casual connotations for my generation, but this
good Christian woman just kept repeating, "But it's underwear!" From her
reaction I feared I was in danger of breaking the lesser-known eleventh
commandment — Thou shalt not give thy boyfriend anything resembling underwear
for any reason whatsoever — and decided to opt for a Plan B.
Unfortunately, it was already February 13 and I had an after-work commitment
that tied me up until 9:00 pm. Panic was setting in by the time I drove to
the only place open for shopping at that hour — the grocery store. I was
ashamed to be making what was no longer a thoughtful, romantic purchase at
the eleventh hour — until I realized I wasn't alone. Stuffed into the card
aisle, the candy section, and the floral department were half the men in
the greater Chicago area. Under other circumstances, this would've been a
single woman's dream-come-true!
That's where I came up with the cheesiest gift in the history of Valentine's
Day. I could almost feel Cupid wincing as I roamed from aisle to aisle gathering
my gift of red food. Strawberries, spaghetti sauce and spaghetti, cherry
Kool-Aid, strawberry Pop Tarts, picante sauce and chips, apples, even some
beef jerky for his new puppy. What bachelor doesn't need and want more food,
I reasoned — all the while knowing this was one of my dorkiest moves yet.
No wonder I'm still single, I thought as I headed for the check-out aisle.
The next day — Valentine's Day — Rob gave me a nice box of chocolates after
he stole me away from work for lunch at a nice restaurant. With a sheepish
grin I handed him the big red box containing my gift. When he tore it open
and peered in at the odd assortment of edibles he said, "Cool!" with an
enthusiastic smile. He actually liked it!
I sat there dumbfounded as he happily sank his teeth into one of the apples.
Suddenly it occurred to me that he was just as happy with the chips and salsa
as he would have been with a shirt or tie I would have spent six hours at
the mall picking out. I guess love really is a mystery.
Remembering that incident has made the past several dateless Valentine's
Days easier to take. Who needs all the stress and pressure of trying to figure
out what to buy a significant other? My friends in my singles Bible study
and I have found the perfect solution. We host an unValentine's Day party
for all of us without romantic plans on the Day of Love. And what do I ask
them all to bring? You guessed it — red food!
Blessings!
Camerin Courtney
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