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Confessions of a Neurotic Single Woman
November 1, 2000
I wish my brain had an off switch. I could really use that right
now.
You see, I'm headed to Australia this week on a business trip,
where I'll be working closely with a single Christian man in my
age range. The only other thing I know about him is his name and
that the first time I'll meet him he'll be standing at my airport
gate holding a sign with my name on it.
Here's the problem: I can already picture telling our children
that's how Mommy and Daddy met. I can see us spending six months
of the year in the States and the other six months "down under."
I mean, that's the least I can do for my in-laws.
Yes, I need help. I know this. But it doesn't seem to stop these
irrational thoughts from floating through my head freely and
often.
I have to confess that this isn't the first time I've had
thoughts like these. A few weeks ago a friend of mine set up a
lunch after church specifically so I could meet one of her
husband's friends. He's a musician — so of course I could
picture us writing songs together and traveling across the
country for his performances and my new travel writing career
(scary, isn't it?).
I've tried on guys' last names before they've even arrived to
pick me up for a blind date. I've sat through first dates
listening intently as guys have told me about their families and
professions, all the while picturing what our children would look
like.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a stalker. Nor am I one of those
scary single women who has her entire wedding planned and is just
waiting for her leading man to grace the scene. And I know I'm
supposed to "take every thought captive" (2 Cor. 10:5) and think
about things that are true (Phil. 4:8). Trust me, these Scripture
verses have been my mantras on days when my mind has, well …
had a mind of its own.
But I also know I'm not alone. When I dared to share my thoughts
about Mr. Aussie Dream Man (who in my head looks like Ian Thorpe
and sounds like Mel Gibson) with a single girlfriend — hoping
for a needed dose of reality or an antidote for the shameless
musings of this hopeless romantic — she nearly fell off her
chair with sympathetic laughter. "You have those neurotic
thoughts, too? I thought it was just me!" she said before
regaling me with tales of her own runaway romantic thought life.
I suspect there are many more singles like us out there (you know
who you are!).
So just what makes otherwise well-rounded, independent single
people melt into a pile of mushy musings at the mere hint of an
interaction with an eligible (read: breathing) man or woman? I
don't know. Naivete? Immaturity? Rampant creativity? The
fickleness of the female mind? Too many Julia Roberts movies?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But lately I've been wondering if this is necessarily all bad.
Couldn't at least part of the cause be an admirable kind of hope?
I mean, what kind of person continues — in spite of dumpings,
dry spells, and skyrocketing divorce rates — to hope that
"what's behind door number three" just might be our Mr. or Ms.
Right?
Maybe it's the realization that we still get to experience
falling for our life-long love, if there is one in God's
blueprint of our life. That happens only once in life — and (at
the risk of sounding Pollyanna-like here!) we still have that to
look forward to. While there's something warm and wonderful about
a couple who've been together for decades, there's also something
breathtaking and beautiful about that original meeting and
falling in love process. And I think our God, who's the author of
all love stories, appreciates our eager anticipation of his
writing this chapter in our lives.
Of course we shouldn't run ahead or outside God's plan for our
life and we shouldn't let our thought-life get risque, but I
wonder if some of this wide-eyed wonder is what God meant when he
told us to strive for childlike faith. I'm sure he'd appreciate
that kind of eager anticipation of his master plan in ALL areas
of our life.
Perhaps that's the lesson here. Maybe instead of stuffing these
creative ramblings, we should strive for this kind of optimism
and hope in our jobs, friendships, families, and beyond.
So, in a couple days I'll board a plane bound for Sydney — armed
with 2 Corinthians 10:5 as well as a broader sense of
anticipation for what God's going to do. But don't think that
won't stop me from applying a fresh coat of lipstick before I
step off the plane and into Mr. Aussie Dream Man's life!
I'll let God take it from there.
Blessings!
Camerin Courtney
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