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During dinner at a trendy Spanish restaurant recently, my single girlfriends and I set a new record for ourselves: We waited a whole 30 minutes before we started asking "Linda" about the new man in her life, "Rick." They've been dating about four months, and we love bringing up the only dating relationship happening among us — as a vicarious treat for the rest of us who are waaay between dating relationships, as a way of making sure Rick is Linda-worthy (one of the most important girlfriend duties!), and to watch Linda blush and gush about this great guy.

But this time, as we passed plates of scrumptious food around the big round table, the conversation took a slightly different turn. Instead of blushing, Linda was squirming. Her answers to our questions about how things were going were vague. I began to fear Linda was experiencing doubts, or that she and Rick secretly had broken up.

These fears were put to rest when she finally uttered what was eating at her: "We've been wrestling lately with where to draw lines in our relationship." There was a moment of silence as the rest of us processed what she'd said. I think we all knew from her tone and body language exactly what she meant — she and Rick were struggling with sexual temptation.

A couple of us who have experienced similar temptations in past dating relationships offered empathy and shared stories of our own struggles. Beth talked about napping with one of her previous beaus, a shared activity that seemed innocent enough to her but turned out to be a turn-on for her then-boyfriend. That was the first — and last — time they "slept together." Cassandra talked about staying overnight with an out-of-town boyfriend. While the arrangements made sense logistically and they spent the night in separate rooms, the decision to stay together also led to some late-night goodnight kissing that went on and on and on. Having also dated someone who lived out-of-state, I could relate to Cassandra.

I also shared about the guy I dated in college, my first real boyfriend (yes, I was a bit of a late-bloomer relationally!). He and I reveled in our first-time-away-from-home freedom by making out for hours at a time in his room. But we eventually admitted to ourselves that the time we spent alone kissing was killing our communication, leading to more temptation, and damaging our reputation as committed Christians on our secular campus. When I'd leave his room and arrive back in my own dorm late at night, I couldn't explain to everyone I passed that we'd just been making out and not having sex, as many people assumed. Though it felt silly at the time, we finally set our own curfew — for the sake of our hormones as well as for the sake of the curious eyes around us.

As Linda shared her own how-far-is-too-far temptations, she still seemed embarrassed and squirmy. Wanting to reassure her, I said, "If good Christian friends like us can't talk about this, what good are we? And if we don't talk about this, who are you going to discuss it with?" More honest talk followed, and I sensed Linda relax enough to realize we didn't think less of her for struggling in this way. In fact, I greatly admired her honesty.

I suddenly remembered Ann, a good Christian friend who'd similarly opened up and shared her sexual temptation struggles with me years ago. Though then-naive me was shocked that she and her boyfriend, now husband, were wrestling in this way, I was also relieved I wasn't alone in this struggle. For some reason, I'd grown up thinking "good Christian girls" don't have hormones and that drawing lines — which usually seems to be the female's responsibility in a relationship — would be an easy thing to do. When I found myself tempted sexually and not-so- clear-headed in the heat of the moment, I remember feeling surprised, guilty, and fearful that I was an awful Christian. Hearing Ann's admission that day helped me realize I was simply a human being (complete with God-given hormones) who needed to have a serious heart-to-heart with God and my then-boyfriend about boundaries.

I also needed an accountability partner — who was staring me right in the face. Ann and I met regularly after that for lunches and coffee, asking each other difficult questions and together wrestling with the age-old issue of "how far is too far?" While we didn't necessarily find any concrete answers, what we did find was just as valuable — the guts to bring to light our desires to go farther than we knew was good for us, our missteps along the way, and our uncertainty about where to draw lines. And, most importantly, we did so in the right context — with God and trusted Christian friends.

So that day in the Spanish restaurant, we ended our sex-talk with me telling Linda how much I admired her vulnerability. I hoped I communicated to her — and the three other dear Christian friends seated with us — that it was okay to be that open in our midst. It's not easy for us singles to stay pure in this sex-saturated society, especially since the "just say no to sexual temptation" messages directed at us from the church seem to taper off soon after high school. If we're too embarrassed to discuss sex in Christian circles, then I'd venture a guess that we aren't hearing enough of God's perspective on this much-misunderstood topic. And he's the One who created it!

As we switched conversation topics and contemplated dessert, I silently pledged to take a cue from Linda and be more honest the next time I wrestle with temptation, sexual or otherwise. It's so easy for fear, pride, and guilt to keep us from sharing the messier parts of our life with each other, unfortunately robbing us of much-needed accountability and the kind of gut-level friendship God created for us within the body of Christ. It may be risky and embarrassing to be honest about our temptations and mistakes. But when it comes to sexual temptation, I've learned the stakes are too high not to.

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