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Single Parenting Survival Tips
Check out these insights from our special single parenting guest columnist, Mary Jacobson
November 28, 2001
Being a single parent is stressful, intense, and frustrating, yet is also one of the most rewarding things I've ever done. Over the past five years of parenting my four kids alone, I've discovered a few strategies for survival, which I hope others will find useful too.
First, I have to maintain my relationship with my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who's the true source of my strength. This means I'm in church on Sunday and at a women's Bible study during the week. I also try to have my own personal devotion time daily, and we have family devotions at the dinner table most evenings.
I've also learned that to take care of my family, I have to take care of myself. Since I started going to a gym to work out, I've found my stress has leveled off. I only get there about twice a week, but I can tell when I haven't been for a while because I get progressively more irritable! We're all much better off when mom gets her exercise. This also has helped my self-esteem as I look better and therefore feel better about myself. I try to stay healthy in other ways too, by eating right and seeing my doctor regularly.
Another way my kids and I have found to survive this giant called "single parenting" is sharing fun times together. One of my kids' favorite things is when I say, "I think it's a popcorn and milkshake kind of night." Cheers erupt! If any neighbor kids are over, they think it's pretty cool too. And hey, one night of eating less than the best nutritionally isn't going to harm us! This may not seem like much fun to you, but for a single mom who's really tired from working all day, and can't figure out what to feed the troops, it's fun for us! And it doesn't break the budget either.
I also have regular "date" times with my kids. I have Tuesdays off from work, so I take one of my four kids out after school to do something special with just the two of us. This has become really important to my kids, even though we don't usually do anything particularly special. My 8 year old and I often just go to 7-11 for a Slurpee (his favorite), my daughter loves to get an Oreo cookie shake at Jack in the Box, and my 12-year-old son's favorite is a Frosty from Wendy's. Sometimes if I have a little extra money, we go to the local Christian bookstore for a new CD or to the drug store for some makeup. A trip to the library is always fun too. It isn't the activity (or food!) that's important, it's that one-on-one time with my children. This really has helped keep the lines of communication open between my teenager and me, because sitting across the table from each other with no one else around to distract us makes us talk together.
Another way I've found to have fun this year, and therefore survive single parenting better, is making other single Christian friends. I've had so much fun this year with this awesome group of guys and gals. We went camping, river rafting, biking, and dancing. We have potlucks and watched the Mariners in the playoffs! We e-mail, talk on the phone, and get together informally about once a month. Sometimes our group is large, other times it's small. Many of us don't have a singles group in our own small churches, so we go to this larger gathering of singles from several counties in western Washington. We receive newsletters monthly which tell about social events. And there's a large Christian singles conference every November which helps us focus on growing in Christ and being content in our singleness.
To sum it up, surviving the stress of single parenting involves focusing on Christ, taking care of myself, and making time for fun with friends and with my terrific kids!
Mary Jacobson
Washington
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