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Young Love
By Camerin Courtney
January 9, 2002
On the third day of my Christmas vacation home, my sister and brother-in-law gave to me a blind double date with one of my brother-in-law's coworkers. He wasn't in a pear tree, thank goodness, but in a sweater and khaki pants. And since I'd flown into town and didn't have my own wheels with me, I was in a car I'd borrowed from my parents, a fact that made me feel all of 16 again.
I obviously wasn't the only one who felt that odd throwback to my younger days because as I left my parents' house that night my mom giggled a bit and with a twinkle in her eyes, asked, "When can we expect you home tonight?" As I laughed back and hopped in her car to drive to my sister and brother-in-law's house, the thought struck me, I'm getting too old for this.
This fact only seemed to be driven home when our foursome was seated for dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. Looking around, I realized we were surrounded by a few tables of teenage couples, no doubt on dates too. I noticed one young gushy couple nearby and thought about how much my approach to dating has changed in the years since my first date—the homecoming dance during my sophomore year in high school.
Gone are the days when I'd start prepping for an evening date at about noon. I remember once spending the better part of a day in a face mask, painting my fingernails and toenails, and changing outfits about four times. After all that prep work, my date du jour took me to see Gettysburg at the dollar theater. And we went dutch! Surely it's been numerous experiences of that sort of work-to-payoff ratio that's cut my prep time considerably over the years. This time my pre-date preparation involved brushing my teeth and applying fresh coats of deodorant, hair spray, and mascara (not to be confused with each other!). Probably my best prep this time was my prayer in the car on the way to my sister and brother-in-law's house that I'd be myself and that I'd see my date as God would have me see him.
I'm sure it's such prayers, as well as a bit of maturing over the years, that have helped me now base my possible interest in a second date on factors a tad deeper than whether or not the guy makes my toes curl—not so unlike that gushy couple back at the restaurant or me in my earlier dating era. Now I consider whether or not the guy would make a good father, a strong spiritual leader and companion, a reliable provider, a sturdy shoulder in tough times, a fun playmate, a compatible co-host for gatherings in our home, and a reasonable balance to my strengths and weaknesses. I know this all makes for a really tall order, but I know the goal isn't perfection and, after all, this is a 'til-death-do-us-part prospect we're talking about here.
As I was driving home after our dinner out and game of Scattergories at my sister and brother-in-law's house, I found myself scrutinizing all these factors in the guy my brother-in-law had hand-picked for me—not so unlike a boss considering a potential new employee. And once again the thought hit me, I'm getting too old for this. I thought about that gushy couple back at the restaurant and wondered if a little gushyness was all bad. I know I've lost some of that wide-eyed-wonder and butterflies-in-the-stomach potential after some disappointment, hurtful interactions, and unwise decisions based solely on feelings over the years. But perhaps in trying to be older and wiser and to protect my previously bruised heart I've taken the most important ingredient out of matters of the heart: my heart!
I know you shouldn't base a life-long mate selection on curling toes, a racing heart, or butterflies, but I was beginning to wonder if I could even still anticipate getting these tell-tale fluttery feelings. When I recalled a recent phone call with Susan, a work contact, I realized I already had my answer. Susan and I've become friends in the midst of our work conversations and dealings over the years. In between our discussions about potential projects and other work issues, we've shared many conversations about our common singleness struggles and successes. In this most recent conversation, this 40-year-old woman shared the happy news that she's getting married for the first time next spring. As I joyfully listened to the details about this great turn of events, I loved Susan's comment about her fluttery feelings, "It doesn't matter if you're 16, 32, or 40, you still get butterflies!" Good to know!
As with so many things in life, I'm beginning to realize that romantic endeavors require a precarious balance of maturity and childlike wonder. I have a feeling that all head and no heart, my "grown-up" approach to romance, will lead to just as many unwise relationship decisions as all heart and no head, my approach in my younger days. Somehow we've got to allow for the mysteries of romance that even the writers of the Bible acknowledge and marvel at (Proverbs 30:18-19).
So the next time I'm prepping for a date—however near or far in the future that may be—I'll remember to add one more thing to my short routine. After applying fresh coats of mascara, deodorant, and hair spray, I'll try to pry off a few of the protective coats of insulation I've applied to my heart over the years. Don't get me wrong, I'm still keeping it protected. I'm just trying to allow my heart some room to be moved—and maybe even to flutter a bit.
Camerin welcomes your feedback and brainstorms at:
SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
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