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The Microwave Years
By Camerin Courtney
May 29, 2002
I don't know about you, but there are certain times and places I feel especially single. Weddings, for example. Sitting by myself at church on a Sunday morning. Traveling alone for work or to go visit my family. And shopping for groceries.
That last one may sound a bit weird to you, but when I first started shopping for my own groceries, I had a neurotic complex that reared its quirky head whenever I'd make a food run to my local grocery store. Wandering the aisles, pushing my cart with a measly collection of pasta, frozen veggies, instant oatmeal, and low-fat lunch meat, I'd feel downright intimidated by those women with three meandering kids in tow navigating the aisles with a heaping cart of family-sized lasagna noodles, tuna, and baco-bits (oh my!). I could almost see the thought float through their minds as they'd pass me with my one box of Kleenex and just-add-water fare: "Amateur!"
I remember trying to spread out the frozen foods in my cart so no one could take just one peek in and suspect that I'm single. That is, until I made a rather obvious but nonetheless freeing discovery: I AM single. (Of course, I also realized eventually that most of those moms were too busy keeping Junior out of the Cinnamon Toasties display to even notice my existence and would've given their firstborn to be able to buy simply one box of dainty, decorative tissues instead of the econo-pack.)
My collection of convenience foods isn't the only lifestyle issue that used to make me feel a bit sheepish. There's also the fact that my friends know not to call me before 10:00am on Saturday mornings — that is, if they want me any way but grumpy and groggy. And that I often can be found in my pj's by 6:00pm. And that my oven and dining room table are collecting dust while my TV and microwave get a daily workout. All of these things and more used to make me feel a bit like the poster child for the slacker generation, until I received a great bit of advice: Think seasonally.
In this single season, I work all day in an office by myself then return home to an empty apartment. I don't want to be holed up in my kitchen slaving away over a fancy-schmancy meal (that I'll be eating for the next week and a half, by the way), I want to nuke, eat, and go out to my church committee meeting, to the English-as-a-Second-Language class I volunteer with, or to meet a friend for coffee. Realizing that the day may come when I have to daily accommodate the finicky tastes of children and the doctor-suggested food restrictions of a husband, a day when I will have regretted terribly not nuking solo suppers to my heart's content, was one of the most freeing things for me.
Now don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting we use singleness as an excuse to be lazy loners who make Martha Stewart shudder. It's important to look at where the energy we might otherwise be expending on domestic pursuits is going, if we choose to eschew a few of them in this single season. For many of us who live alone, we need this extra flexibility to build in needed people time.
What I am suggesting is that it's okay to live fully in these single years, no matter how many they be, and work all the perks from this life season. For me this includes feasting fast on Lean Cuisines, spending the greater part of some days in my pjs (some of it lounging, some of it cleaning my apartment or doing freelance work), and receiving a call from a single sister at 10:05pm telling me to flip on "Friends" because the episode with Ross and the leather pants is on.
To be fair, I have single friends who are quite domestically gifted and who are early risers seven days a week (bless their hearts!). The difference is that they want to do these things and are in a season of life when engaging in these things is natural and a joy. And there are other things they pass on to make room for these activities. I myself was a cooking fool when I first moved to the area eight years ago and had all kinds of time on my hands until I made new friends. That, I now realize, was my New Girl in Town season, a time rich in reading, taking long walks, and cooking a new recipe each week. It's been fun to watch my parents come into their own in their Empty Nest season. Oddly enough, cooking is once again on the back burner as they add on to their house and spend quality time together gardening.
My friend Kathryn and I were musing the other day about how differently she and her married-with-four-kids sister were spending Memorial Day this past weekend. Her sister was up and watching her kids in a local parade by 10:00am, while Kathryn and I were on the phone around noon, each still in our pjs, accepting a last-minute barbeque invite from another single friend in the area. What a contrast, and what a great study in living seasonally.
I've watched other single friends craft this time of their life into Serve God Overseas season, Dive Into My Church's Youth Ministry season, Be the Coolest Aunt on the Planet season, and Create a Singles Ministry at My Church season. (Personally, I suspect the time they saved by microwaving their dinners allowed these people to accomplish so much!)
I've heard someone call the parenting-an-elementary-aged-child season The Soccer Years. One of my single friends spied one of her friends, a Soccer Years mom, eating alone at a restaurant lately, contentedly reading a book and savoring her meal. This frazzled mom told my friend she just needed to get out of the house and away from the kids for a bit. Likewise, my friend who's the mom of one-year-old twin girls called me just last night asking if I wanted to meet for coffee, saying she just needed a break after singlehandedly caring for her daughters over the three-day weekend while her husband was out of town. No doubt, these busy moms would tell us to savor all the flexibility and freedom of this single season while we can. (And to enjoy having our homes tidy for longer than ten minutes at a time!) Whether or not a spouse and/or kids are in the future, we never know which season God will lead us to next. And I sure don't want to look back and wistfully wish I'd milked the blessings of the past season a bit more. I think learning to live well and without apology wherever God has us will serve us well in our current season, and in all the seasons to come.
So, here I am in The Microwave Years. The Pajamas Years. The Sleeping in on Saturdays Years. The Helping Launch a Gen-X Ministry at My Church Years. The Meet Spontaneously with Frazzled Mom Friends When They Need Some Grown-up Conversation Years. The Write About All My Neurotic Singleness Quirks to Hopefully Bless Other Singles Years. The Just God and Me Years. I can't wait to see where he's going to take me next. One thing I think I can bank on, the food's bound to be better!
Camerin welcomes your feedback and brainstorms at:
SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
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