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Zombie Gargoyles and the Girl of My Dreams
by guest columnist Todd Hertz
January 21, 2004
I knew I was watching too many movies when I started dreaming about killer robots, vampires, and something I described in my Dream Log as "zombie gargoyles."
While these dreams can be frightening—and yet really cool and exciting—I've actually been more shaken up by a recent dream about a simple piece of paper. I don't remember much about the dream, but it made me think a lot about being single and how I view my future wife.
In the dream, I was handed a folded sheet of notebook paper. My sense was that the paper had important instructions on it. I opened it, and it read: "Isaiah 42:20." Amazingly, when I woke the next morning, I still remembered the verse. So I looked it up, and it read: "You have seen many things, but have paid no attention; your ears are open, but you hear nothing."
Whoa. What was that all about?
Okay, so was the dream actually God talking to me in some way? Honestly, I really don't know. But what I do know is that having a verse like that in my dream freaked me out. And it got me thinking. Regardless of whether or not it was some kind of message from on high, I figured it couldn't hurt to see if there was something in this verse I could take to heart.
Over the next few weeks, I read more of the verses around 42:20 to put it into context. The four or five verses before it read, "I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them … But those who trust in idols, who say to images, 'You are our Gods,' will be turned back in utter shame." These verses are written to Israel, but I couldn't help but think about how they might apply to my life.
Was there something I placed higher than God or worshipped despite what I know to be Truth?
Well, it didn't take me long to realize there is—someone I haven't even met. You see, I frequently think and daydream about my future spouse. That alone is of course normal. I think daydreaming and imagining is how we prepare for the future and maybe even figure out what we want. But when I'm really honest with myself, I realize my trust and belief in this person sometimes crosses over into worship. In some ways, my trust in God to do whatever he wants in my life is usurped by a love, trust, and fascination with a mythical person I simply know as "the one."
I think it's perfectly normal to want a family and to look forward to marriage. But my weird dream helped me realize that the quest to find "the one" can creep into idolization. It has for me at least. I've talked to her through a journal of letters for my future spouse, almost as much as I'd talk to God. I say I trust God and his will, but really I've already decided for myself I will be married. The only question is who she'll be. In fact, I think I already somehow love her and hold her up on a pedestal. As much as I believe in God, I've often believed in Her.
Not long after realizing all this, I heard a speaker talk about living completely for God, making him our ultimate focus, and letting everything else fall in line. And now, that's how I strive to live—focusing on the One, not my "one."
There's no easy answer to this. I'm not sure I've even made much progress but I would like to think that being aware of this tendency is a big step. I've prayed about it. I've tried to limit how much I think about it and have increased the time I spend with God. One way I've seen this affect me already is that I've ceased being quite so "on the lookout," noticing every available woman and wondering if she's "the one."
And the good news is that since I'm focused on other things, I can go back to dreaming about more important stuff … like robots fighting zombie gargoyles!
Todd welcomes your feedback and brainstorms at: SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com
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