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I've never been much of one for ogling movie stars, as in "Brad Pitt is sooo hot!" Just not my style.

But a few years back I would occasionally drop a "he's so hot"-type comment when at my former roommate's parents' house for dinner or a family barbecue. Why? Because I felt the odd need to reassure them that I do, in fact, like boys, and that I was their daughter's roommate . . . and nothing more.

Before you think I'm too paranoid here, let me give you the typical guest list: My former roommate's parents, her sister and brother-in-law, her brother and sister-in-law, and my old roommie and me. While anyone crashing the party might have looked at us with raised eyebrows or certain assumptions, it really made perfect sense. It's as if each family member brought their favorite "and guest" – and since my former roommate wasn't married like her siblings and wasn't dating anyone at the time, I had the privilege of joining her. In fact, the whole family lovingly treated me as one of their own.

I've had other friends with family nearby invite me along to holiday gatherings or family outings since my own family is two states away. And each time I'm oh so grateful to be included, as well as a bit nervous that my presence there is inspiring question marks and heart palpitations for my friend's family.

"So, that Brad Pitt—he's so hot."

None of the family at any of these gatherings has ever questioned my relationship to their daughter or sister, nor given me any reason to believe they suspected anything other than a genuine friendship. But really, what would they say? "Please pass the butter. And oh, by the way, are you dating my aunt?"

Admittedly, it's all been my own paranoia. But if you've been single for very long, I bet you can relate. With homosexual characters all over TV, celebrity lesbian couples pairing up right and left, and gay rights and marriage issues being reported on regularly during the evening news, the issue is certainly out there. And all of this makes us occasionally wonder who is "out" there.

For example, just last weekend I was out to dinner with my friend Claire to celebrate her birthday. As we looked around at the cool decorations in the trendy Asian restaurant we were dining at, we noticed there were many dates around us. We had a bit of fun picking out the first dates and the dating couples versus married couples, before we spied two guys sitting at a table together. It was nice to know we weren't the only non-romantic pair there. But then I wondered aloud, "Do you think they're . . . ?" And as soon as I let the words slip, I hated myself for uttering them. It should be perfectly fine for two men to eat out together in a public place without people questioning their sexual preference. I know this is a much more prevalent assumption for men, who often feel their public outings limited to dates or group gatherings. It makes me sad that this stigma probably interferes somewhat with good guy-guy friendships.

And sitting there with Claire at that Asian restaurant, I wondered if any of the couples around us were wondering the same thing about us, two semi-dressed-up 30something women chatting animatedly and splitting a dessert. I wanted to show them the gift certificate I had for the restaurant that was just enough for two meals, and then tell them it was Claire's birthday. I wanted to, once again, have a little flashing sign above my head that reads "not gay, just single."

I find the older I get, the more I feel the need to clarify my sexual preference. As time goes by and friends move or get married, group outings are fewer and farther between. One-on-one get-togethers are more the norm. Also, many folks, in older generations especially, who don't understand why some of us haven't gotten married yet are looking for a reason (admittedly, sometimes we're looking for that elusive reason, too). They also see homosexuality all over our current entertainment media and some of them put two and two together and assume we're homosexual. That's why we're still single. That's easier to get their head around than demographic trends, dating droughts, and God's sometimes-frustrating timing. Suddenly it all makes sense.

I was at a singles conference a couple years ago chatting with several conferees when one woman shared that her grandma—her grandma!—had asked her if she was gay. In front of many other family members, no less. That started a whole "you think that's bad" conversation of sexual preference accusation one-upmanship. It wasn't pretty. But it was a bit funny.

And really, humor is the best way I've discovered to handle this tricky phenomenon. Because it really is absurd to live in a culture where it's practically more accepted and understood to be gay than to be holding out for a once-in-a-lifetime mate. And I think it's only when we refuse to get angry or hurt over the assumptions and continue to go on those one-on-one outings that look suspiciously like dates that our life station will once again will be in vogue. Or at least accepted as normal.

So I've vowed to stop wondering about other same-sex twosomes I see in public. It's none of my business anyway. And I've vowed not to stop getting together with Claire and my other single female friends, and to shrug off any raised eyebrows and simply be grateful to God for these dear blessings in my life.

But if any of you figures out that flashing "not gay, just single" sign, could you e-mail me just the same?

Camerin welcomes your feedback and brainstorms at: SinglesNewsletter@ChristianityToday.com

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