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Strength in Numbers
5 singles share about their accountability partnerships.
November 9, 2005
Tough Questions
God didn't intend us to go this journey alone; every Christian needs accountability in his or her life. I've been blessed to be in an accountability group with four to six other single women for more than five years.
We meet once or twice a month and also touch base with each other by phone, e-mail, and at church. Trust is a must, and it's built with time and honest, vulnerable sharing. Nothing that's shared in the group is shared with anyone else for any reason. When we get together, we ask each other a list of questions:
1. Have you had a daily quiet time with God?
2. Have you been "above board" (honest) in all your money matters, both
personal and otherwise?
3. Have you been exposed to illicit sexual material?
4. Have you been with a member of the opposite sex in a way that would be
considered unwise?
5. Have you made a commitment to someone that you failed to follow through
on?
6. Have you taken advantage of someone or have you allowed someone to take
advantage of you?
7. Have you spent quality time with your biological and church family?
8. Have you lied about any of the above questions?
9. Do you have an issue you need to share that wasn't covered by the above
questions?
Then we share prayer requests and pray for one other. During the course of the meeting, there's usually at least one person who's wrestling with something specific—and we all speak to her from personal experiences and God's Word. We offer advice and suggestions but never try to control the person.
I've learned an important point through this group: An accountability relationship need not be with a best buddy. In fact, the other female accountability groups in our church that seem to struggle are with those who expect it to be a social gathering or group of best friends. But a best friend won't always give you the best advice! We all need people strong enough in the Lord and objective enough to speak the truth in love to us.
My group has helped me grow spiritually, stay focused on God, identify sin in my life, and then they've been there for me and prayed me through some difficult times. I thank God for my accountability sisters in the Lord.
Tammy
The Six Wise Men (and women)
I have a fantastic group of "wise counsel" with whom I've surrounded myself. I've had a pattern in my life of being with abusive men; I grew up with one, and these expectations carried over to my adult life. I was 23 before I knew not all men hit women.
After my last breakup, my eyes were finally opened, especially after pretty much everyone I knew came forward after the fact to tell me they didn't like my boyfriend and how he treated me. Unfortunately, no one but the couple we'd been seeing for premarital counseling said anything while I was dating him. This counseling couple kept taking me aside and asking, "Why are you dating him?"
So they were first on my list of my new accountability team. I know they'll tell me what I don't want to hear—even though I hope and pray I'll be willing to hear it. Actually, I hope and pray I'm wise enough now not to repeat that pattern of bad boyfriend choices. I also went back to several of those who hadn't come forward until after the fact and asked them why they hadn't told me how they felt. They said they were afraid I wouldn't listen and that it would destroy our friendship. They all know now that I want to hear their honest opinions about anyone I date.
So now I have at least six people whom I know will tell me what I don't want to hear about my dating and life choices. These are people whose walk with the Lord I admire, who now understand the meaning of "faithful are the wounds of a friend" (Proverbs 27:6).
Danielle
My Singles Sponsor
My accountability partner and I affectionately refer to each other as our "sponsor." We met at a singles conference in May of 2002. She lives about three hours away from me, and I see her as often as I can. In one of our initial phone chats, in which we were talking about some of our singleness struggles, I jokingly told her, "I feel like we're a couple of alcoholics trying to be each other's AA sponsor." Ever since then, whenever we've had joys, sorrows, or tough topics we need to confront, we put on the "sponsor" hat and talk about the issues.
In the past three weeks I've been particularly happy to have her as my sponsor. I've been struggling with trying to restore a relationship with a boyfriend who broke my trust in a huge way. One night my sponsor essentially called me out, saying that I needed to stick by the healthy boundaries I'd set in my life. It was in her calling me out that I found the strength to do what needed to be done—walk away from this relationship.
She was also there—crying with me—when I called about 30 minutes after I broke up with my boyfriend, still at the "scene of the crime," too bleary-eyed from crying to drive home. She told me I was her hero because I'd taken care of myself and had the courage and respect for this guy to break up in person instead of by phone.
My sponsor is there even tonight, only a phone call away, as I'm beginning to cycle through the anger stage of grief and recovery. It's my heart's prayer that everyone would have someone like this in their lives. It makes all the difference in being able to live life in a healthy way.
Sharon
All in the Family
I'm grateful the Lord has been faithful to provide me with godly friends who seek out my good, even when I'm fearful to be vulnerable and accountable. I've experienced God's grace and power in my relationship with my accountability partner. She confronted me with gentleness and love, and her prayers and concern helped me get through my struggles with lust. We fight our battles with God together. In this process, submission and trust are key.
Through this relationship, I've realized the importance of honoring and submitting to those God places above and with us on life's journey. Without these fellow members of God's family, overcoming temptation is often nearly impossible. As it says in Ecclesiastes 4:12, "A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."
Name withheld
The Breakfast Club
I meet with a girlfriend once a week over coffee or breakfast. We've been friends for more than five years, but it's only the last year that we've been on a journey of accountability together. We're both single and keep a close eye on each other's dating life. We ask the tough questions and keep each other accountable to what we share. And, most important, we pray for each other daily.
It's the hardest relationship I've ever been in, and we've struggled at times. It's never easy being honest all the time, especially with vulnerable, intimate topics. But even if we give each other some space for a while, we always come back appreciating the fact we have each other.
Name withheld
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