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Let Us Prey
Vultures, wolves, Christian women and other aggressive animals
by Jason B. Illian
December 14, 2005
Not long ago, I went dancing with some buddies of mine. As I was tearing up the dance floor with moves discarded from an old Michael Jackson video, I noticed my dance partner smiling at me. We'd just met that night, but after chatting about church and our mutual love for writing, I figured she'd be a fun and relatively safe date for the evening. As we were dancing, she smiled and tried to tell me something. Of course, the bass was so loud my intestines were rattling and it was impossible to hear her. The fact that she was about eight inches shorter than me didn't help either. After a few failed attempts to communicate, she gave me the universal hand signal for "come a little closer." As I bent down to hear what she was saying, she lunged and latched onto my lips like a malfunctioning Hoover. Shocked and a little scared, I pulled away and stumbled off the dance floor like a newborn giraffe.
One of my friends who'd been watching from a distance asked what happened. After explaining the twilight zone experience with Leech Woman, he asked why I didn't pull away quicker. I responded, "Because she had my lower lip between her teeth."
Now, I'll admit this is an extreme example of an aggressive Christian woman, but there are other documented examples out there. In the last month alone, I've spoken to about half a dozen godly men who have been dumbfounded by the bluntness and aggression of our female counterparts. Rhett, a successful and handsome businessman in his late 20s, told me that after taking a girl on ONE date, she calls him about ten times a day. Josh, a medical student and Bible study leader, told a rather funny story about ducking out of church each week through a different exit to avoid a girl who wouldn't accept just friendship. And then there was Michael. Poor Michael. He tried to pursue a sweet Christian girl whom he met at a party. But when he called to ask her out on a date, her roommate pulled the old switcheroo on him. Imagine his surprise when he reached her front door only to find her roommate all prettied up for a night on the town! Yes, it's that time of the year. With the holidays right around the corner, there's Christmas music and desperation in the air.
Ladies, before you start sending me anthrax wrapped in the latest issue of Sports Illustrated, please understand I'm not blaming you. In fact, the majority of Christian women are doing a wonderful job of being approachable and noticeable without being predatory. But like most things, the misguided minority can give the whole female gender a bad reputation. If you dig down to the root of the problem, the reason many women feel the need to hunt down a date like they're on an African safari is because men have become so passive. Instead of roaming around the dating jungle like a lion, many men are simply sitting in the stagnant pond of romance like a bloated water buffalo. We shouldn't be surprised that we're now caught between the crosshairs of some love-hungry tribal women.
The type of aggressiveness we're experiencing among Christian women today ranks right up there with Olympic wrestling. And it's certainly a new phenomenon. Many of these women are no doubt influenced by our current entertainment media, which often portrays women as sexually aggressive and starved for affection. On the hit series Sex and the City, Carrie and her girls started episode one by talking about how they're tired of trying to be the perfect mate. They decide it's better to just start having sex like the stereotypical male—casual, platonic, and meaningless. The series Desperate Housewives sends a similar message—if you're alone and frustrated, take matters into your own hands and satisfy your bodily desires (even if that means bedding your gardener). But women becoming as sexually aggressive as their stereotypical male counterparts isn't gender equality; its madness. Now we don't have one gender going about things wrong—we have both genders pursuing relationships and sex all wrong.
This passive-aggressive, on-the-hunt mentality has even crept into the Christian culture, a group who ought to know better. Both genders already place too much emphasis on finding a spouse, but now each side also has to be on guard against surprise attacks. Women have to be extra careful about becoming too aggressive because they're even more likely than men to be consumed by a romantic relationship. The Word reveals a fundamental and profound truth about women—women desire to be desired. In Genesis 3:16 God states, "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." Interestingly, the Hebrew word for "desire" in Genesis 3:16 is the same one used in Genesis 4:7—"Sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." This specific word is used only three times in the entire Bible. This seems to imply that a woman's desire, like that of a lion, will defeat her, subdue her, and exploit her if it extends beyond God's original design.
Women weren't designed to be overly aggressive. Outgoing, fun-loving, enthusiastic, and mysterious—yes. Aggressive, predatory, and overbearing—no. Having the desire for a boyfriend or husband isn't a sin, but some women act on these desires in unhealthy ways. They take their desires to an extreme, and it consumes their every thought and action. From a male perspective, what makes this even scarier is that we often enjoy the sexual aggression—even though we shouldn't. Most men are very sexual creatures, even more so than our female counterparts. When a woman displays strong sexual urges, our spark turns into an uncontrollable flame. Although we shouldn't be mastered by our lusts, men can feed off a woman's seductive play and take the physical relationship where it ought not go. Men struggle with sexual boundaries, and if a woman tries to push them, many men will collapse under the pressure.
Fortunately, most women aren't preying on their partners like a female locust. But some Christian women are. If you want to check your motives, see if you have the traits of any of these types of predators:
The Barbie Doll Girl—This Christian woman is beautiful on the outside and hallow on the inside. She lures the unsuspecting man in with revealing clothing, lots of skin, and sexual favors. Often found roaming around bars and sporting events, she's been known to strike quickly.
Robert was a visual creature, and Lauren caught his eye when she just "happened" to be washing her car in her Daisy Dukes. They've been dating five months; she just found out she's pregnant.
The CEO's Wife—This Christian woman often pursues successful and cash-heavy believers. Because she thinks she deserves a certain "standard of living,"—i.e. a Mercedes, a vacation home, and enough clothes for a Third World country—this woman goes after the man who can provide for her. Often spotted at country clubs and prosperity gospel churches, she's attracted to vogue and luxurious items.
Ben thought he found the woman he could share his whole life with when he married Michelle at age 26. Unfortunately, all he got to share was half of his estate. He's divorced and turns 32 next month.
The Suga Mama—This Christian woman uses her own talents and success to draw in a man. She buys him nice gifts and provides for him, attempting to win his affection through material things. She desires for a man to lead, but creates such a cushy environment that every man she dates becomes living room furniture.
Randy was an aspiring musician when he first met Ashley in L.A. in 2001. Ashley is from a well-to-do family in Orange County. He was preparing to launch his first CD in 2001. He still hasn't done it.
There's a word of warning for both genders in God's Word. Sexual sin is crouching at our doors and it desires to have us. As men, if we don't don the full armor of God every day, we'll fall victim to the wayward woman who uses her God-given figure for seductive purposes. As women, if you don't focus your desires on Christ alone, they may overcome you and leave you defenseless against your own heart. "Let us pray" should never become "let us prey."
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