Home > Singles > Single Minded
Maybe It's a Little Bit About Me
by Camerin Courtney
March 1, 2006
As I was standing in the paper-goods aisle at my local grocery store last December angrily concocting a singlehood conspiracy theory, I knew things needed to change.
You see, I wanted to buy a four-pack of toilet paper. Just four. Not a dozen, not eight, just four. As a one-woman, one-bathroom household, and one a bit short on storage space at that, I just didn't need that much toilet paper. I wanted four rolls, and I couldn't find such an offering in the huge aisle of mega-packs before me.
Dang suburbia, I thought. All these huge-o families all around me with their Costco-sized paper-goods needs. Destroying the environment and making it impossible for a single woman like myself to meet my grocery shopping needs. It's an anti-single conspiracy, I tell you.
As soon as my mental tirade got to "conspiracy," I stopped. Took a deep breath. And started giggling. An elderly woman made a wide berth around me—a lone woman giggling at a 12-pack of Charmin—as she went for a roll of Brawny paper towels down the aisle.
It was the final straw. I knew I'd been a bit burnt-out lately. And overworked. And overtired. And possibly a bit crabby and proud of my bad attitude. But when I had my little moment of crazy in the toilet paper aisle, I knew I was officially in a Bad Place.
In my defense, it was the holidays. But I'd also taken on a few extra freelance assignments recently. And had gotten in a bad habit of sticking around work until a couple hours after closing time. My time away from work was largely spent with Jean Luc, my aging laptop computer, at church committee meetings, or at my weekly volunteer gig.
But somewhere in all this important adult stuff I'd lost the fun. Somewhere in prioritizing work and ministry and responsible adult chores, I'd lost the priority of me.
I chafed at this at first. Prioritize me? How very un-Christian. How many sermons and purpose-driven bits of wisdom have wisely informed us, in our ego-centric American culture, that "It's not about me."
Following this advice, and my renewed sense of wanting to do something significant with my life, I was toiling away at all these good godly pursuits-a ministry-centered job, church work, volunteer hours. Somehow it didn't seem right to leave at the end of a workday saying, "I really need to get home and park myself in front of The Gilmore Girls on TV." Or to pass up a church meeting because I really need to foster community by watching the Olympics and eating dinner at my friends Lisa and Paul's house.
I had a sneaking suspicion, however, that if I'd had a family to go home to at the end of said workday, or to play hooky from ministry events with from time to time to snatch some needed down-time, I wouldn't have batted an eye. I would have made an effort for such a noble quest as "family time." But me-time seemed somehow selfish.
However, standing there in the grocery store aisle facing the scary results of little to no me-time, I began to rethink that concept of selfishness. All strung-out and crabby, I wasn't in the best state to be a good worker, volunteer, ambassador for Christ. While I'd known this truth all along, somehow in the crush of day-to-day living and just keeping up with a frenetic schedule, I'd let my priorities shift . . . and all but disappear.
I also realized that without someone else to prioritize me (and yes, to place extra challenges and demands on my time as well), I need to do this. To make sure I'm getting enough sleep, time with God, fun, time with friends, and down-time so that I can be effective in the pursuits to which God calls me. And, in prayerful moderation, this isn't selfish or un-Christian at all.
So I started the new year with a new quest: better balance. I started by making weekend plans on Mondays and Tuesdays, sometimes even a week or two in advance (whoa!). I felt a bit society-girl at first, making social occasions such a priority, but I realized it wasn't the social occasions that were the priority but the community. I needed people time, and as one who lives alone, it doesn't come just by returning home. It takes intentionality and prioritizing.
And part of that prioritizing, I realized, was allowing the right things to rise to the top. I've renewed my prayer of "God, show me what this season of my life is about. Show me what you want me to accomplish right now, and what I need to let someone else handle." In response, I feel like he's given me some great new ideas for our site (stay tuned!).
Part of that learning to say "no" more often was walking away from this column for a couple months. Not writing about the singles experience as much and actually getting out there and living it. And in doing so I was reminded afresh what a fun gig this can be.
I made a spontaneous dash to Lisa and Paul's house to watch Olympic ice dancing one night, pursued new friendships with my hairstylist and a woman I met at a singles event, took wonderfully long Sunday afternoon naps, read page-turners into the wee hours of the night, took a day off work in the middle of the week to help a friend celebrate a milestone birthday.
I've spent a couple recent weekend nights closing down local restaurants by talking with friends old and new for hours. We've laughed, cried, challenged, commiserated, and encouraged one another. Just this past weekend, in another closing-down-the-restaurant evening with a new single friend, we were treated to a free dessert by the chef—because they had one left at the end of the day and because of course you give it to the two single women still chatting and laughing the evening hours away.
In this process of prioritizing people and striving for better balance, I've felt the crabby and the conspiracy theories melt away. I even got crazy one day and bought an eight-pack of toilet paper. With the extra company I've been inviting over, I've actually needed it.
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