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Called to Singleness
7 singles share about their sense of purpose here and now
March 8, 2006
Finding Worth in the Wait
Not too long ago I ended a rather rollercoaster relationship and was filled with this inexplicable calm. Usually I would take that feeling and use it to find a new date, but this time I didn't. I thought maybe since everyone was telling me to stop looking and just wait, they might be right. So that's what I've done.
That wait is paying off. Especially because I'm using that wait to help some family members who were victims of Hurricane Katrina to build a new life. I also work in my church Awana club and spend my Wednesday nights in the company of five to eight year olds. I spend a lot of time each evening in Bible study and prayer. I've been able to take time out to go to school to become a teacher. And I'm thinking about going on a mission project.
If I wasn't single right now, I don't think I'd have time for all of these things. My singleness is a blessing for me right now. I hope it doesn't last forever, but I don't focus on that. I focus on living my life now. Once I started doing that instead of constantly looking and praying for Mr. Right, my life became a lot more focused, blessed, and joyful.
Chris
Mom Moments
I'm a single parent who's been divorced for 12 years. I haven't dated during these years. It's been hard and lonely sometimes, but I feel God has called me to remain single while my children are growing up. I have four children ranging in age from 13 to 19. In the back of my mind I've always thought I couldn't get married again while the children are growing up. I've seen too much pain in blended families and don't want to put my children through this. They've been through enough already.
So I think God has called me to this season of singleness—at least until my youngest child reaches adulthood. The best part about this season is that during this time, I answered God's call to be his child—and all of my children have, too.
Terri
Reaching Out, Digging Deep
I feel I'm single for now because I chose to follow God's leading to serve in Africa. I've been here for eight years and will be here until God leads differently. I knew missions was where God was calling me since I was in junior high, and my studies at college and the things I did were with this goal in mind. No, I didn't imagine I'd serve as a single missionary, but that's what's happened. From what I could see at the time, the few relationships I did have would have led to a compromise of what I felt God was calling me to do.
I'm now almost 38 and see friends with kids growing up or close to college age and miss that that's never been a part of my life. However, I have "adopted" the MK's (missionary kids) as my nieces and nephews. Does this fulfill my need for community and companionship? Sometimes yes, and many times no. I've just been through a tough year, when there have been many lonely times even in the midst of throngs of people who know and care for me. Does this mean God's bringing this season to an end? I don't know. Since God knows the desires of my heart and knit me together, I've prayed that if it's his will for me to be single, that he would continue to be my strength and companion.
During the recent few months, God has been teaching me a greater dependence on him and has been reminding me that there's more than just being a Christian, reading your Bible, and having daily devotions—there's a meaningful relationship with God. I'm starting to learn what that truly means.
DeLyna
Helping Kids of Divorce
I was married 17 years before it crashed and burned 4 years ago. I'm not bitter toward the concept of marriage. In retrospect, I can remember the fun times of the marriage and will pursue the right woman when she walks across my path. In the meantime, I've been working on a list of goals for this season of my life and have come closer to attaining an M.A. degree to help children who must weather the storm of divorce.
Jeff
Living Life to the Full
I've definitely been called to be single, perhaps only for a season. I used to feel desperate and lonely, but God gently corrected these erroneous feelings. For quite some time now I've felt peace about my single status; God's actually taught me to embrace it.
Many months before a much-awaited trip to Israel, I felt God challenging me to live life to the full. On my birthday, a dear friend gave me a Star of David charm with a Hebrew word in it no one could decipher. In Israel I discovered it's the expression "Live!" So, I finally got the message that this life season is for living in passionate adventure with Jesus Christ. By the Sea of Galilee, God revealed his desire to be my constant sojourn companion.
It's now clear that whether this life journey takes a turn toward family, if that's God's will, it's imperative that I enjoy this time with him in a fun, extreme adventure in faith. And I'm having a blast! Leaving the past behind and looking forward to his promises has allowed me to train for a triathlon, give birth to the concept of a book, re-evaluate my career, minister to younger single women, and simply enjoy fellowship.
Analiza
Teen Time
I work full time for a youth outreach organization with many "at-risk" teens. I'm in a great program that includes extensive training and mentoring. I was surprised when I felt God call me to this small town. What was he thinking? A town of 3,000 people?! I've been ministering here for five years now, and they've been the most challenging years of my life.
As a single person, I've been free to focus on pouring my life into lost teens who desperately need the Lord. Sure, I have married friends who also work in the ministry. But personally, I enjoy the advantage of being available to the kids and having them hang out and stay in my apartment without intruding on anyone else. I've also had the time to take seminary classes and intensely pursue my personal walk with the Lord. I lead a team of volunteer youth workers and I have loved investing in their lives.
I know I wouldn't be able to do as much if I were committed to a family. I wouldn't be as available as I am now to my teenage friends. I'm not sure how long God has called me to this single season, but I look back at the last five years and wholeheartedly believe it's been worth it! God has used and transformed my life in amazing ways.
Jen
Whole in One
I feel called to be single for a season. I'm 32 years old and have never been married. Being single has never been a big issue for me; I have a full life with my family, friends, ministry, and job. I'm complete and whole in God.
I'm content most of the time in my singleness, but it would be a lie to say I don't struggle some days. There are times when I long for the companionship of someone special, but God reminds me I'm very special to him. There are days I cry, wondering, What's wrong with me?, but God reminds me I'm perfect in his sight since I'm washed in the blood of the Lamb. There are days I wish I could return home from work and say, "Honey, I'm home," but God reminds he'll never leave or forsake me. There I days when I wonder if I'm the only virgin over 30 and why I'm still waiting, but God reminds me my body is his temple and that sex is only for marriage.
It's difficult to describe how I know I'm meant to be single for this season, but like many of God's promptings, I just know it deep in my spirit. I feel God has earmarked this season for me to teach overseas. While married couples can teach overseas, it's easier for a single person to move. I'm still working my first overseas post, and I know God has another post for me.
Without family or close friends around, I'm learning more everyday how God is my everything, my best friend, my Lord. I read once that God will bring you a spouse when he feels it will bring him more glory, because marriage is a way of glorifying God. On the flip side, if my life is glorifying God the most it can in my single state, marriage would only hinder God's purpose for my life. While that's difficult to accept at times, I believe God knows what's best for me. I love him more than any other and only want to please him.
April
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