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How to Be Equally Yoked
Does that intriguing person you just met share your faith? 7 singles share how to find out.
September 27, 2006
Time Will Tell
I think you discover where a person is in his faith walk by simply getting to know him. If someone wears Christian paraphernalia, displays a fish symbol, or even carries a Bible, it doesn't necessarily mean this is a man or woman of practicing faith.
Time tells a lot. I've met Christian men who aren't mature in their faith. Because I desire someone who's spiritually mature, I'm just friends with these guys. I believe "unequally yoked" relationships happen within the body of Christ as well.
However, when we meet someone of the opposite sex, we shouldn't just think, Is he a potential mate? This person has a soul, and our initial goal should be to show this person God's love. We can do this by being a friend and, as the Holy Spirit instructs, introducing them to Christ if they don't already know him. If they already know him, great! Then we can get to know the person better and see if we're spiritually compatible.
So get to know the person, and only time and communication will show you who he or she truly is.
- Carmen
The Fun Factor
I've found the easiest way to know where a guy is spiritually is to ask about his interests. One way is to ask, "So what do you like to do when you're not working? "In answering that question, people provide a glimpse of what extra-curricular activities they pursue, like the kind of music, movies, and books they enjoy. This can lead to a conversation about when they engage in these activities, and often their church attendance or lack thereof will turn up as you talk. Once you know that vital piece of information, it's easier to ask directly about their walk with God.
- Dee
Use Your Surroundings
When you want to find out if a person you've just met is a Christian or not, ask a few simple questions relating to where you are. For example, if you're in a bookstore, pay attention to what kind of books the person is looking at or buying. Asking about the topic of the book is a great icebreaker, and a great way to explore the person's interests.
Then ask about the person's other interests, which usually prompts the person to eventually ask you about yours. This is when you mention a couple of your interests, along with your church involvement.
Watch how the person responds when you mention church. You may get, "Oh, that's nice," or "Which church do you go to?" I find it easy to ask someone, "So, which church do you go to." I don't typically come out and ask, "Are you a Christian?" or "Do you know Jesus?" because some people find that a bit aggressive.
- Stephen
The Direct Approach
I tough it out and ask immediately. If a dating prospect is going to run, let him run early. No matter what happens, it's important to be careful. My dad attended church with my mom until they got married, then he bailed on the "religious" thing. Watch carefully to make sure a person isn't going along for the ride until he gets what he wants. People who don't share our faith don't understand the concept of not being unequally yoked. But as a lifetime spectator of the results, I know it's not worth it. The damage to the children is catastrophic.
- Lisa
Pay Attention
Before I go out with a guy, I try to observe him in several group activities. I organize them myself. For example, I'll plan an all-day kayaking trip, a group outing to a football game, or a potluck at a friend's house. What a great way to get to know someone and decide if I want to spend time alone on a date with him in the future.
If a man invites me out for a Saturday night, I can "feel him out" by saying I want to get to bed early so I can get up for church the next day. Then I simply listen. Also my church attendance, choir rehearsal, Bible study are all weekly commitments, so they come up in conversation pretty naturally. When they do, again I listen carefully to the response.
One guy man I'm interested in right now hasn't said a word about God, Jesus, or church. The red flags are climbing the pole already. My heart can start to care for a man before I know it, and I'm starting to get close to someone who may be nice, but isn't a potential "equal yoke." How many times do I have to do that before I start walking my talk and staying out of those relationships?
- Rena
Weekend Warrior
I have a couple guy friends whose first question to a stranger is "Who is Jesus to you?" People often responded with "church-speak"—telling them what they wanted to hear in hopes of quickly changing the subject. I prefer a less direct and less unsettling approach.
The easiest way I've found to discover where a person is spiritually is to ask him how he likes to spend his weekends. He may volunteer that he attends church on Sunday, and if so, I ask where and how involved he is. The conversation can flow pretty easily from there into what the Lord has done in each of our lives.
If a dating prospect doesn't talk about going to church on Sundays, don't assume he doesn't. Sometimes he thinks you're asking strictly about rest and relaxation on the weekend. Most people will return the question, and you can bring up church. At that point, you may get a "oh yeah, me too!" and you can go from there.
- Danielle
The Important Things in Life
Sometimes my faith is evident by the book I'm carrying with me—and sometimes guys ask about it. In talking about the book, it's often clear if the guy is a practicing Christian or not.
I try to ask more than just yes/no questions so I get a more detailed, sincere response. On a date, I ask a guy about the most important things in his life. If he doesn't mention Jesus and family, I mentally cross him off as a dating potential. I also ask if he's ever done volunteer work and if he attends church.
I watch out for guys who answer my question with another question. A person should be able to say what he believes without knowing first what I believe. When he answers every question with,"The same as you," it's like a big neon sign that says "deceitful and manipulative."
- Wilma
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