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What I (Still) Like About Being Single
10 singles over 30 share their favorite perks of the solo journey
October 25, 2006
Freedom—and France!
I'm writing this little paragraph about the advantages of singleness while sitting in a 600-year-old gatehouse on the property of a chateau in France. A few months ago I was invited to join some missionaries in France who needed help for a few months. I was already in a transition period in my life, so I jumped at the opportunity to travel and do something ministry-related at the same time. So, are there advantages to being single? Heck, yes! My married friends have a hard time getting away for an evening, much less traveling to another country for an extended time.
While I've recently gone through a paradigm shift in thinking about my singleness (mostly correlated with the transition to a new decade), I still recognize that singleness offers flexibility and opportunities marriage doesn't often afford. I'm thankful for the relationships I'm able to maintain, the traveling I can do, the ministries I've been a part of, and the freedom to cut/color my hair anyway I like. I hope to maximize the advantages of this season of my life, and when the next season comes (if it comes), then I'll look to maximize the advantages that come with marriage.
Michelle, 31
A Truth Revealed
Until I was 35 I'd never lived alone, not even for a week. Through no action of my own, I found myself single again, and for the first time it seemed I was all alone in the world. Yet in the stillness of my apartment I discovered a truth I'd always heard but never fully experienced—the truth that I'm never alone, that God will never leave or forsake us. Five years later, I'm a leader in my church—not through my own abilities, but by Christ's power. It's not that I don't desire to be married again, I just don't need to be, for I'm single—which, according to Webster's Dictionary, means consisting of a separate and unique whole.
Allen, 40
A Place in the Family
As a single person, I'm free to pursue Christ undistracted much of the time—especially in comparison to those who have children. Lately Jesus has been teaching me that he wants to love me enough that I feel and live as if I'm cared for by a husband, loved by a friend, and provided for by a father. Jesus has become so clearly who I'm depending on. That's been a major lesson for me—to learn that Jesus really wants to love us fully, fill us fully, use us fully, and that we have enough when we are in open and intimate communion with him.
I've also learned more about seeing my needs in perspective. Many in the world outside of America have so little, and Christian single women in other cultures are often shunned, ignored, or seen as cursed by their god. When I keep that in perspective, I'm more grateful for all I have. When I feel lonely, I realize I have a big family through the body of Christ. God sets the lonely in families, and I've been fortunate to have about five families welcome me in as I help around the house, love their children, join in the fun at holiday gatherings, and pray for them. I've found family in the body of Christ.
Janice, 52
Second Calling
I'm turning 40 soon, and the best thing about being single is having the opportunity to make a big change for the second half of my life without having to factor anyone else into the plan.I'm enjoying just thinking up ideas—perhaps going back to school, doing a multi-month (or multi-year!) overseas missions trip, changing my career, adopting a child, traveling around the world. There's no spouse, no children, no in-laws, no debt, no obligations holding me back. Anything is possible!
Robin, 39
Living By God's Surprises
I recently celebrated my 35th birthday at an outdoor restaurant in Santiago, Dominican Republic, surrounded by my new coworkers, who are fellow missionaries in this amazing place. I was married for six years and had dated the guy for six years before we got married. After we'd been married for a year, I felt called to teach English as a missionary. My ex-husband let me think it might happen "someday," but made it clear he'd have to feel called, too. However, he didn't—not then, and especially not five years later when he moved out saying he didn't believe he was the "marrying type" anymore and needed his freedom (which actually meant he had a much younger girlfriend). I was devastated. I knew we had some problems in our marriage, but I was willing to do anything to make it work. When he left, all my hopes and dreams seemed to turn to ashes before my eyes. My whole life had been consumed by him and our marriage; without them, I felt completely lost and alone.
Three years later, I can clearly see how God took those broken pieces of my life and put them back together to create something more beautiful and full than I ever dreamed possible. Through a dear friend I met in my Divorce Recovery class and another who'd done several short-term trips to the DR, God led me to a group called G.O. Ministries, which works in the Dominican Republic and Haiti, reaching out to the poorest of the poor with Christ's love. No two days here are exactly the same, except for the beautiful faces of the children with whom I work and the love and joy they unashamedly express to others. Not a day goes by that I'm not given a warm, loving hug by a child or an adult who's genuinely glad to see me. The more I've been able to express God's love to them, the more I've had that same love expressed back to me 100-fold.
What do I like about being single? I like that God has shown me what he can do with my life if I just let him. In all my hopes for the future, I never dreamed of the DR—but God did, and now I can't imagine my life anywhere else. I'm excited for the future in a way I never was when I was married. I longed for children then, and now hundreds greet me with beautiful smiles each day. I longed for love and affection then, and now I'm overwhelmed by it daily.I wake up each day excited to see what God has in store for me, and I go to bed each night thanking him for all he's done.
Catherine, 35
Spiritual Spontaneity
I enjoy the simplicity of life lived with only a small white puppy asmy companion. Being able to do exactly what I want when I want to do it can bring joy beyond words. For instance, I can stay in bed and read my Bible while listening to Christian music all day if the notion strikes me. The same goes for spending a day in prayer and fasting, which I've often done. Or I can go to a nearby park and soak up rays all day walking the trails. Then there are the days when I love to head out on an impulsivedrive into east Texas to see the invigorating fall colors, or into central Texas in the spring to see the enormous fields of wild bluebonnets in splendid bloom. The artist in me can't resist being inundated in all that vibrantcolor—and being single allows me this freedom.
-Colin
Impacting the Next Generation
Most days I love being single. I serve the Lord by working for a church. Quite often I'm out every night and on weekends. This would be impossible if I were married. I love being free to come and go as the Lord opens doors. When someone asks if I can do something, I check my own calendar and don't have to ask anyone if I can go. When someone calls in the middle of the night with a crisis, I can go to them or simply talk on the phone and I know I'm not disturbing anyone. I love that freedom.
I love being an example for teenage girls. I'm always reminding them to define themselves by how God sees them, and not by their relationship with boys. They're realizing that, no matter who's in your life, you can live your life for God and be happy. I want them to have the right perspective of who they are in Christ, and not in this world. That's precious to me!
Debbie, 36
Freedom of Movement
The best thing about being single is the ability for freedom of movement. I'm just now discovering how valuable this is. If I want to go camping or kayaking or whatever, it only takes as long as packing the car. If there's a ministry opportunity, I can engage at a moment's notice. If I want to move across country (which I'm contemplating), it has less impact than on those who are married.
Michael, 54
The Sounds of Silence
The best thing about being single and over 30 is recognizing the importance of solitude. Lately, I've been hanging around a lot of married couples, some of whom have children, and I find that time alone for them is a rarity. I need my alone time to get rejuvenated and just be in God's presence. As I get older, I treasure my me-time more as I recognize that if I were married, my time wouldn't always be my own. I get so busy and lost in work that time alone allows me to reconnect with God—and with myself. Solitude enables me to remember who I am and why I'm here.
Nicky, 32
A Peaceful Home
As a divorced single, I love being able to walk into my house with my daughter and not have any "surprises" waiting for us—just a peaceful house and a dog who's glad to see us. It's wonderful not to have to worry if I'm going to be screamed at when I walk in the door, or tohave to walk on eggshells so the screaming doesn't start. It's great knowing we can decide whatwe want to eat, what activities we want to do, and what friends we want to have. So what Ilike most about being single is the peace Inow enjoy.
Angela, 42
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