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I humbly admit I was one of the people who admitted to accessing Internet porn—and I'm a woman. As a whole, we (Christians) seem to think pornography is a men's issue, but women fight this too. God knows I have.

I got saved after losing my virginity and being involved in several sexual relationships. Even after getting saved, I found myself "back in the sheets." It took a lot of honesty with God, fasting, and a real desire to turn away from this destructive behavior. I had to go to my Father with my desire not for filth and immorality, but for a godly relationship.

After I began to pray for change in this area, the immorality of this world began to make me sick. More and more, as I see how the Enemy can pervert a simple commercial for rice or yogurt for goodness sake, I understand how important guarding my sexual purity really is.

I found that being honest about my desire for a husband is the first step. Then I went to the Bible: to Genesis to look at how and why God created man and woman in the first place, and to Ephesians 5 to look at God's will for marriage. Doing this study and keeping these principles constantly in my mind helps me deal with the day-to-day temptations we contend with in our society. Sometimes I go days without watching television. For a period of time, I even gave up my Internet service at home. I did these things to purge my mind of wrong messages about sex.

I hope these suggestions can help someone else. Most importantly, I pray other Christian women won't be afraid to come forward and deal with this issue.
Name withheld

I'm surprised that the number who acknowledged accessing Internet porn was only 40 percent. I don't want to sound negative, but I thought it would be higher. Studies have shown that as many as 70 percent of Christian men view pornography. I hope the results of this poll reflect a decline in this destructive and terrible behavior.

As a recovering porn addict myself, I've found a number of things to be helpful in overcoming and resisting this relentless and pervasive temptation.

1) Pray and read Scripture. This isn't meant to be a pat answer. It's hard to engage in sinful behavior when you're aware of God's presence in your life through prayer and the Word. Dr. Tony Evans suggests inviting Jesus along in your struggle since he's there anyway.

2) Be ruthlessly honest about your behavior. It's so easy to justify with excuses such as being tired or lonely, or by saying, "I'm not as bad as the next guy or gal."

3) Be vulnerable. I wasn't able to gain victory in this struggle until I was honest with some of my Christian brothers. And I gave several of them permission to ask me about this area of my life at any time. This took a lot of trust, but there was a benefit too—I also asked for and received permission to call these men any time day or night when I was struggling and needed support.

4) Flee temptation as the apostle Paul directed Timothy. Personally, I don't have Internet service in my home since I live alone and it would be easy for me to seek out pornography without anyone knowing. If you must have or choose to have Internet service in your home or private office, sign up for a service such as Covenant Eyes (covenanteyes.com), which tracks your online activity and sends it to accountability partners you designate. This is more effective than a filter because you have to answer to a brother or sister in Christ for your actions. And unlike a filter, it won't have undesirable effects on your Internet service.

5) Ask yourself, "What could I do instead of engaging in this behavior?" Personally, I do 20 push-ups every time I'm tempted to lustful behavior. The best way to get rid of a bad habit is to replace it with a good one. I also ask God if there's something I need to do about my loneliness and lack of intimacy, and then I take action if necessary.

I hope these ideas are helpful.
Jeff

Insight For Living Ministries offers a service called NetAccountability, designed to deter you from viewing pornographic materials online. The software keeps record of any pornographic sites you've visited and shares this information with a trusted accountability partner you've selected. There is a small monthly fee for this service, but it's well worth it for building up your personal character and integrity.
R

I'm a pastor, worship leader, and divorced father of four. Sexuality is a common conversation and a current concern in my home because three of my kids are teens.

Six years ago, after buying my first computer, I gave into temptation and spent approximately six months exploring the pornographic side of the Internet. Only by the grace of our loving Savior was I able to recognize that if I didn't stop, I would become helplessly addicted. From that day until now, with God's help, I've been able to resist all temptations to view pornography.

The first and most important help in resisting temptation is, of course, God's Word. Roman's 12:2 puts it best: "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." For me, resisting temptation is a matter of sheer obedience to the daily leading of the Holy Spirit, and an increasing knowledge of what displeases God.

Recently I've felt a release of the pressure to "control" or deny my sexuality. Rather than trying to ignore that part of my identity, I've been learning how to accept that I miss sex. I've come to realize that the desire for physical intimacy isn't a burden, but is instead a source of strength and energy, as well as a point of connection with my children's perspectives of emerging sexuality.

We have open, godly conversations about their feelings and urges. Honest communication about our thoughts and experiences, held up against God's Word and covered with prayer, has helped me regain the joy of being a man and given me another point of contact with my children.

I hope to get married again someday. But in the meantime, God wants me to direct those energies into serving him in ministry and through healthy family ties and friendships.
Jim

I'm a 30-year-old woman who's never been married. I thought it was my "right" to be happy sexually, even if the Lord never gave me a husband. This led to a long, deep battle with masturbation and Internet pornography.

Last fall, I broke down after a sermon on sexual purity at my church. While those involved responded well, it was as though they thought my struggle wasn't unusual, and no one asked me about it again.

Shortly thereafter, I started an Internet course at settingcaptivesfree.com. It wasn't the easiest thing I've ever done. The course involved a 60-day Bible study as well as speaking with and being accountable to a mentor daily. I also was encouraged to install Internet-filtering software on my computer.

This might be a good resource for others who also secretly struggle with Internet porn.
Lonnie

In An Affair of the Mind, author Laurie Hall writes that for men, pornography tends to be an "anesthetic for isolation." I've found that to be pretty wise. I believe all men have a bent towards sexual temptation, but the times I'm most tempted are when I feel most alone.

I think this is a struggle for single Christian men as they get older and good Christian friends are harder to find. As usual, Satan holds out a quick, easy fix—such as Internet pornography—for a deeper problem and, as always, it leaves you more empty and more in need than before. But I think this brings to light a need for the church to work hard at reaching out to singles, and for single men to be involved in others' lives instead of going it alone.

Once I was at a bachelor party with a big crowd from work. Most of the guys were pretty normal men in their 20's and 30's. After a while, someone started showing some pornographic movies. I hadn't expected that from this crowd, but I was faced with a choice. I could flee or just go along.

I chose to stay, but instead of just going along, I started a card game in another room. I knew of a couple other believers there, and they jumped at the chance to get away. It was pretty funny—within 30 minutes, that little room was packed and only one or two guys remained watching the movies. I think most of the guys appreciated having an alternate choice.
Dave

When I was at a single adult ministry conference in San Diego last year, I heard about a great Christian website that's dedicated to ministering to people who struggle with Internet pornography addiction. Their Web address is: www.xxxchurch.com (or www.x3church.com).
Name withheld

I'm a divorced woman with three teenage daughters. I was a pastor's wife for ten years before my husband had an affair. He'd been addicted to porn since he was 12 and struggled with it for many years. Because of my experiences, I'm much more sensitive to the issue of pornography and sexual temptation.

It seems sexual temptation often is overlooked as a female problem. However, I think racy romance novels can be just as damaging to women as men looking at centerfolds. Just after my divorce, when I was struggling with the lack of romantic intimacy in my life, I found temporary relief reading romance novels. It left me feeling guilty though, because the sexual content of the books was between unmarried people. I could rationalize that at least I was only fantasizing and not acting upon my sexual desires. But I found that reading these novels only added to my discontent and longings.

I found it helpful to admit my struggle to my Sunday school class and to ask them to hold me accountable. I think we have to be honest with ourselves and others, recognize our weak areas, and FLEE when we're tempted. I find that as I stay in God's Word, throw myself into my family, career, and the ministry God gives me, and wait on God's good gifts, I'm so much happier.

I long to be married again, and I remind God once in a while of my longings, but I want to trust him to bring that person to my life in his timing. And as I wait, I strive to become the godly woman God wants me to be. I hope and pray the man I may end up with is making good choices and living a pure life, too.
Becky

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