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My ideal small group would have included three good friends: Lynn, Margaret, and Susan. But I figured it could never happen. They were all busy people. We saw each other in church on Sunday and exchanged e-mail through the week, but the last thing any of us needed was another weekly meeting to attend.

The four of us operated in different spheres with little overlap. Lynn was a young mother of three in a world of playgroups and preschools. Margaret, 50, was an administrator at a local college, single, with a master's degree. Susan, 28, led an active parachurch ministry on campus, so her hours aligned with those of college students.

Seeing no convenient time or place for us to meet, I nearly abandoned my dream of forming a group. Then early one morning I turned on my computer to retrieve my e-mail. My inbox contained three messages: one from Lynn, one from Susan, one from Margaret.

At that moment, I saw a possible solution. Our meeting place had been right in front of me all along. Why not form an e-mail small group?

Our First Try

I sent each of them invitations via e-mail:

"I have an idea for a small group and am inviting you to participate in a four-week pilot attempt. This is just like any other small group except you don't need to buy a book, add another meeting to your schedule, do homework, or leave your computer to come to my house, a church building, or anywhere else to meet. This is an e-mail small group."

Immediately I received three enthusiastic acceptances, plus a suggestion for one more woman to invite, making the total for the pilot attempt five women, including me.

Each week, I introduced a topic for discussion. Everyone was asked to respond to the topic question during the course of the week, addressing their responses to all members of the group. Before long, participants began commenting on each other's responses and a discussion ensued, just as though we were in a traditional small group.

At the end of four weeks, not wanting to base my judgment on my feelings alone, I sent a survey (via e-mail, of course) to the group members. I was looking for "bugs" in the system, glitches that needed to be worked on. Instead I received testimonials:

"I was feeling so disconnected until this group came along."

"I've gotten closer to these women in four weeks than I've gotten to anyone in the church in three years."

"The wisdom and sharing in this group has been such an encouragement these past few weeks."

"Why didn't somebody think of this sooner?"

And there was at least one observable outcome that thrilled me even more. These women, though previously acquainted, now began seeking each other out. They had moved past superficial, Sunday-morning greetings. Our faceless group resulted in higher quality face time!

We weren't the only ones who benefited from a tighter bond. Our church family did, too. One woman who had been on the fringes of the church enjoyed our brief session so much that she wanted her husband to have a small group experience, too. They opened their home for a traditional small group.

News of our experimental group spread and other people asked to be included. I began a longer session, 12 weeks this time, with an expanded list of participants.

This time, I added a face-to-face meeting midway through the 12 weeks. I picked a Friday evening and invited everyone in the group over for dinner. Despite the fact that there were a few people who had never met before, the evening seemed like "old home week." We talked, laughed, and shared concerns … for four hours. This group was bonding beautifully!

Shareware

An e-group offers the same benefits as a traditional group. In some ways, it's even better: no need to coordinate schedules, members participate at a time most convenient to them, and nobody misses a meeting because of illness, vacation, or lack of a baby-sitter.

Here's how to start an e-mail small group:

• Gather the participants. Try to get at least four people. These should be people who not only have e-mail capability, but also regularly read it and respond. People who never check the messages you send them are not good candidates for an e-group.
  
  
• Designate a moderator. The moderator initiates discussion, stimulates insightful threads of discussion, and redirects tangential conversations.
  
  
• Initiate discussion. Post a short devotional thought, quote, or anecdote followed by a question to get the discussion going. Address the initial thought to everyone in the group.
  
  
• Direct replies to be addressed to the entire group. When participants send replies to the whole group, it duplicates the atmosphere of a traditional small group in which all present hear the response. It also helps to avoid confusion and the danger of factions.
  
  

My list of invitees for future sessions now includes two young women sent out as missionaries from our church. One is in the U.S., the other is stationed in Italy. They've both indicated a need to stay connected with what's happening back home and with other Christian women for guidance and encouragement.

E-groups offer benefits to busy people, physically limited people, computer-savvy teens, and to reserved people who find the idea of a traditional small group too threatening but are comfortable and conversant on the computer.

E-group Etiquette

Four tips to keep your e-group from crashing:

1. Respect privacy. What's shared in a small group should stay within the group. No member should forward a message or cut-and-paste what someone in the group has written to someone outside the group without the expressed permission of the person who wrote it.
   
   
2. Label the subject lines. Subject lines of the e-mails should give a hint of the topic and the time frame, for example: "Psalm 1/Sept 1–7" or "Baptism/June 15–21." Replies will automatically contain the same subject line, making it easier for members to follow a thread of discussion.
   
   
3. Limit group size. An e-group should be limited to five or six participants. In-depth discussion and relational interaction in a large group is not only difficult, it overstuffs participants' in-boxes!
   
   
4. Exercise leadership. Ideally, members will encourage each other to stay on the subject. But someone needs the authority to redirect when the ideal breaks down. Invite people to move off-topic discussions to private correspondence.
   
   

—© LEADERSHIP journal