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Wait to catch up with your own news. Often a death becomes an impetus for a friend who is long overdue with a letter to write. Focus your thoughts on the grieving person, avoiding the temptation of "catching them up" with your life. A lot may have happened to you-a job change, new grandchildren, dreams realized-but include this personal news in a separate letter. When you say, "I care, but life goes on … " it tends to lessen the impact of your comfort.

Write out the verse, not just the reference. If a Bible verse is worth giving, it's worth writing out. For myself, even though my intentions were good, I didn't look up each verse jotted down. What I said I was going to do later never happened. Before you include a verse, check out different Bible versions. Maybe a certain translation expresses most clearly what you are trying to say.

One caution: verses like Philippians 4:4 and Romans 8:28 should be used sensitively. These are wonderful truths from God but in some cases (like my sister's murder) hearing "Rejoice … always" or "All things work together for good," was pretty difficult to take. At the time, this was a horrible thing, not a good thing to us.

So many years later, I still miss Margie. But I remember one verse-John 13:7-noted by a friend: "You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand."

Your card can be God's balm to grieving friends. On that long afternoon those years ago, I was not only touched by those letters, I was held by God's hands on earth.

A Christian Reader original article.

Copyright © 2004 Christianity Today. Click for reprint information.

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