Home > Today's Christian
> The Single Life
> Single Again
What Children of Divorce Really Think
And how you can help
by Angela Elwell Hunt
 1 of 4
No matter how good you think the communication is between you and your children, stepchildren, or even grandchildren, after a divorce there are some things kids just won't tell you—secrets kids desperately want you to know and understand, but probably don't feel comfortable talking about.
As a youth pastor's wife for more than sixteen years, I've had the opportunity to talk with hundreds of kids who poured out their hearts to me about the things they wanted to say but couldn't tell their divorced parents. Here are some of those secret thoughts.
I just can't tell you how alone I feel.
Children of divorce often feel isolated. After the divorce, they wear a smile around mom and dad to keep peace in the family, but inside they're miserable. To cope with their pain, they may withdraw, become angry, and fight with whomever crosses their path. Or they may clown excessively, deny reality, delve into overachievement, or conform with their peers to minimize how "different" they feel from everyone else.
Ask the child how he or she honestly feels about the divorce. Point out it's okay to feel angry or sad. And don't expect a child to feel the same way the involved adults do.
I wonder if my mom and dad ever really loved each other. Isn't love supposed to last forever?
Go through old photo albums and dig out those wedding pictures. It's important for kids of all ages to know they were wanted and enjoyed. Reassure the child there were happy times, that his or her father or mother both had strong and decent qualities the other loved.
"I don't know why my mom and dad ever got married," a teen told me. "I used to think I was adopted because there was no way they could have stopped fighting long enough to have me!"
"For good or bad, people sometimes change," I answered him. "Ask your mom about the days when they fell in love. Maybe they were too immature to get married, and maybe they did have fights, but none of that changes the fact you're here and you're special. God created you for a purpose."
Real love can last forever, but too few people take time to discover what it really involves.
I think it was my fault, because I heard Mom and Dad fighting over me.
Parents who aren't getting along will fight over the issues involved in parenting. To a child listening through the walls, it may seem every fight is his or her fault. Younger children are more likely than older kids to blame themselves for a divorce, but all children need to know most arguments about them result from problems in the marriage, not the other way around.
Browse More Today's Christian
Home | People of Faith | Stories of Hope | Today's Culture
Build Your Faith | Laughing Matters | Archives | Contact Us
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
|
Try Today's Christian Woman Free!
|
 |
|
No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only.
If you decide you want to keep Today's Christian Woman coming, honor your invoice for just $17.95 and receive five more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The trial issue is yours to keep, regardless.
Give Today's Christian Woman as a gift
Order a gift subscription!
|
|
|
|
|
|
 |
|
 |
| |
|
