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Release a Handful of Anger
A simple exercise calms the spirit

by John Trent

When a group of 6-year-olds were asked by their teacher, "What's the most important truth you've learned so far?" one priceless response came from a girl who wrote, "When your dad makes your mom mad, never let her brush your hair!"

It's an important insight. Since Adam and Eve, unrighteous anger has had a gravity all its own. Anger, like guilt or shame, seeks someone else to spill out onto.

We see the first example in Genesis 3:12-13, when the Lord confronts Adam with his sin. Instead of accepting responsibility for himself, Adam shifts the blame. "This woman you put here made me eat it," he protests, and Eve in turn counters, "The serpent deceived me, and I ate."

Shifting shame, anger, and frustration may have started in the garden, but the tendency is alive and well today. It's easy to have a bad day at the office, or even on the golf course, and pass our frustration on to our families.

Take Jim for example. He had been a police officer for six years. Typically, he'd arrive home after his shift with a frustration level near 100 percent and a patience level near zero.

Jim and his wife had an active 3-year-old. His young son didn't know why his father was so angry when he walked in the door. All he knew was that the first time he saw his father each day, Dad was sullen and withdrawn. Jim's anger and distance was quickly becoming a pattern that was ruining his family.

To Jim's credit, he started meeting with a small group of men at his church. One ex-soldier asked to talk to him after Jim shared his struggles with anger. He challenged Jim to do something he'd done himself as a young father.

"Jim, don't walk in the door until you've stopped your car for however long it takes to do a 'palms down, palms up.' It's the best thing I know to get out the bad air, and bring in the good."

Palms down, palms up
Instead of arriving home angry, Jim began stopping at a small baseball field near his house for a few moments. Sitting in his parked car, Jim, as his friend had instructed, placed his palms down on his thighs. With "palms down," he was to close his eyes and pray through his day. He was to tell the Lord all the anger-producing situations that had been a part of his shift. If someone had yelled at him (or worse), he'd confess any anger he'd felt in response. If a shift supervisor had reneged on a promised day off, it was out with the bad as he prayed through his frustrations.

After praying about that day's negative events and confessing his own sin, it was time for "palms up." That's when he'd turn his hands over and spend a few minutes praising God. Jim was to ask Jesus to fill him with his love and character—to give him patience and understanding when he walked in the door to see his family.

The results were dramatic. Soon his son went from standing back while his father stomped into the house to running to Daddy's car. His wife went from worrying if things could get any worse to praising God for how much her husband had grown.

If you're frustrated during your day and tempted to respond in anger, be proactive in putting palms down and palms up. It'll help you bring God's best home to your family.

Copyright © 2000 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian magazine (formerly Christian Reader).
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