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I had no idea that grieving involved so many "firsts." There was my first night alone; the first meal alone; the first time I attended church alone; my first anniversary alone. And just when I didn't think things could get worse, I find myself facing the holidays alone—without my beloved husband, Gerry. This year, I would give anything if I could boycott the holidays.
—Barbara, widowed eight months earlier

For many people, the holidays are a traditional time of happiness and festivity. However, for those who are grieving the loss of a loved one, the holidays are a time of mixed emotions. There can be pleasure, but there is also much pain, because the season magnifies the sense of loss.

There are no quick fixes to getting rid of the hurt. Thankfully, God does use the loving support of our friends and family and the passage of time to heal our broken hearts. But here are 10 ways to manage in the meantime.

Remind yourself, there is no right or wrong way to spend the holiday. Have a family meeting to discuss the best way to deal with the holiday. Some people opt to completely alter the way they celebrate. One woman says: "As my children were grown and living in different parts of the country, I made plans to do something completely different by booking a cruise vacation over Thanksgiving. I know you can't run away from grief and it was hard for me, but not nearly as difficult as it would have been to remain home alone without my husband."

Other families choose to maintain holiday traditions. "Even though we had an empty chair after Dad died, we all wanted to do the same things in the same way we had always done," recalls Jonathan, a 19-year-old whose father died from cancer four months before the holiday. "Our family sat down one evening and discussed how we would do Christmas. It was unanimous that the familiar would be the most comfortable. So, with both tears and smiles, we put up the tree, decorated the house inside and out, attended church on Christmas Eve and, on Christmas Day, had our traditional holiday family meal."

The apostle James offers this advice when we are hurting: "Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray … Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up" (James 5:13-15). That passage makes clear that there are times when going it alone is going nowhere. Reach out to your faith community. Be in the presence of others as they worship and sing praise to God. Ask them to pray with you and for you. Adapt the scripture from James to your situation, reading it this way: "Is any one of you grieving? He or she should call the elders of the church to pray …"

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