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My husband and I tried for years before finally conceiving, and my greatest regret after traveling that long road is not living life fully during the waiting years. Often, I was absorbed with medical procedures, my emotional pain, and, quite frankly, anger with God. I had a near ternimal case of self-pity. Looking back, I wish I'd learned to have more contentment in my circumstances.

Here are some thing to consider as you deal with infertility in your life:

1. Remember your first love.
You married because you wanted to spend the rest of your lives together, not to produce a child. Your spouse is the most special person in your life. Keep your romance alive. Make love, instead of trying to make a baby.

2. Reject lies.
Satan is a master of deceit, and infertility is fertile ground for his lies. He whispers, "You're defective," "If God really loved you, he wouldn't allow this," and "It's not fair." Reject those lies and claim the truth of Scripture: "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). And this: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14).

3. Resist negative emotions.
Envy, self-pity, and anger go hand-in-hand with infertility, robbing you of joy. Find someone who's been through the battle of infertility and can encourage you, not join your pity party. Or talk to a professional counselor. (To find an online and/or local support group, try www.hannah.org, a Christian organization dedicated to those who struggle with infertility.)

4. Rejoice despite circumstances.
It's difficult to find anything to be happy about when you're hurting, but it's important to find ways to celebrate. Find something that brings you joy—such as cooking, gardening, tennis, or hiking. Take weekend getaways. Spend time with nieces and nephews. Focus on something besides your situation.

5. Write it down.
Journaling is a great way to "talk" about your fears, frustrations, and heartaches without taking others on the journey with you. Constantly talking about infertility with others can have a negative effect on your relationships, so pour out your heart in the pages of a journal. Talk to others about their lives instead of just yours.

6. Consider adoption.
The world is full of children who need loving parents, and there are many ways to adopt. Research the options—private, state agencies, international—and pray about the possibility. A few good online places to start include: www.christianadoption.com, www.adoption.com, www.cwa.org.

7. Minister while you wait.
Nothing gets your mind off yourself faster than seeing the needs of others. Volunteer to help in a soup kitchen, start a Bible study in a nursing home, help with a hospice program, counsel at a crisis pregnancy center. Also be open to providing words of encouragement for other infertile couples. Focus beyond the "me zone."

8. Accept God's control.
Ultimately, despite all the physicians and procedures, God is in control. Romans 8:28 reminds us: "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him."

Candy Arrington is a writer based in Spartansburg, South Carolina. This article was reprinted from Marriage Partnership (Fall 2003). Used by permission.

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