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Courtesy of Prison Fellowship

Hatred, once professed, is difficult to overcome. Sitting in a prison cell because of a past act of hate, I consider myself an unfortunate expert on the subject. As a teenager, I was a gay basher. I took pleasure in striking out at homosexual men. This was, by definition, a hate crime.

I came to prison in 1988 for the robbery and murder of Ken Eaton, a gay schoolteacher. There used to be an area in Des Moines, Iowa, known as the Gay Loop, where gay men and women gathered to meet and socialize. My friend James Green and I drove there on occasion to steal from these people or pick fights with them, because of their sexuality.

It was at the Gay Loop, while hunting for alcohol, that we came in contact with Ken Eaton. We went to his home to steal his liquor. Green, for reasons only he knows, stabbed Eaton with a knife from his kitchen. It was after our arrest that I first heard the expression "gay basher." Accused of hating gay people, I testified in my trial that I did in fact hate them. That is what I believed at the time.

Pacing the floor of my cramped prison cell four years later, I felt the rush of anger burn my face as I read a letter from my younger brother Dale. "Gary, I want you to know I'm gay," he wrote. "I know I will never hear from you again because I'm gay, and I hate you for that. What if you ran into me at the Gay Loop?" he questioned. "Would you have beat me up and robbed me, too?"

	The world does not need hate-filled church services or websites or protest rallies. We need people who will stand for God's truth and point others toward right living.

I cannot remember if I was angrier that he was gay or that he was attacking me for my past. It took several years, but Dale and I did manage to work through our various conflicts. Through letters, phone calls, and his occasional visits to prison, I realized how ignorant I had been.

Dale died of aids on June 30, 2000. I learned a great deal from him before he died. Not wanting to lose the love of my brother compelled me to open my mind. He helped me grow emotionally. I developed a compassion for the gay community and remorse for the harm I brought to them. These feelings grew stronger when I became a Christian.

Jailhouse transformation
Entering prison at the age of 18 was difficult. I spent the first few years in and out of solitary confinement due to my insolence with the guards and flagrant disregard for authority. This rage, I know now, stemmed from the pain I had developed as a result of being raised by an alcoholic father and co-dependent mother.

In prison, I lost all ability to feel anything positive. I became an emotional wasteland of bitterness and anger.

After hitting what seemed to be rock bottom, I began an arduous journey to turn away from the pain that had dominated my life. Yet, all through my climb out of the darkness, I could never reach the light I was seeking.

Then on July 19, 2002, my 33rd birthday, I gave my life to Jesus Christ at an InnerChange Freedom Initiative (ifi) revival. Started by Prison Fellowship, ifi is a 24-hour-a-day, faith-based program that promotes personal transformation. Inmates spend 18 months learning about God through Bible teaching and biblically based treatment programs in order to live a life free from addictions and crime.

Luther Glanton, a former victim of my gay bashing, wound up being sentenced to the same prison where I am incarcerated. Once here, he entered the ifi program. I was given an opportunity to reconcile with Luther, and he forgave me for preying upon him in the past. I offered to do anything I could to make it up to him. All he wanted was for me to go to a revival service with him. I went, and that night I gave my life to Jesus Christ.

I came into Christianity with a heart for the gay community and repentance for my sins against them. I then came to realize homosexuality is strictly forbidden in Scripture. The Bible labels homosexuality as sinful behavior. Luther shared with me how, with the help of the ifi staff and the power of the Holy Spirit, he had overcome his past life.

To this day, homosexuality remains beyond my comprehension. As a Christian, I believe that homosexuality is unnatural and sinful. At the same time, my brother was convinced his desires were natural. Though torn by the biblical and worldly perspectives of homosexuality, I am convinced hate is not an appropriate response to this issue.

What the church needs now
Today I see many people using the Bible as a weapon of hate against the gay community. Their actions make them gay bashers. Their hatred becomes so strong that they don't even want gay people to receive God's mercy.

Hatred and bitterness are like weeds with long roots that grow in the heart and corrupt all of life. When blinded by hatred, you only compound the problem through your ignorance. Near the end of 2002, I met a man claiming to be a Christian who came to the prison to visit me. He was a retired doctor and very conservative. He began to attack the victim of my crime. In his opinion, Green and I were somehow justified for preying upon Ken Eaton due to his sexuality. I asked him never to return or write to me again. His cruel opinions were damaging to my growth as a Christian and a person.

People who profess a Christian belief yet respond to worldly situations out of hatred not only hurt their communities, but they damage the unity of believers. My younger sister Amy, living in Seattle, went to a Christian church seeking to know Jesus Christ. She eventually grew frustrated because the church focused so often and so negatively on gays. She not only left that church, she left the faith as a whole out of her love for our brother. How many other souls have been lost because of the hateful messages perpetrated by these distorted churches?

The world does not need hate-filled church services or websites or protest rallies. We need people who will stand for God's truth and point others toward right living. We must choose to be concerned about people's well-being and treat them with respect, whether or not we agree with their lifestyle.

Christians especially can have an impact that goes far beyond our communities. We have no excuse for not loving. Christian love is a decision to act in the best interest of others, despite their backgrounds. We have a God-given mission to lead all people to know Jesus Christ. Many in the church understand this mission. Unfortunately, people see the gay-bashing churches of the world and think that is what being a Christian is all about.

Bitterness against someone for any reason is an evil cancer, and if left unchecked it will eventually destroy you. I know of what I speak. As much as I have changed and grown, I will always struggle to rise above the hatred that I formerly inflicted on others.

Love and hate, like light and darkness, cannot dwell together. The Bible says God is love (1 John 4:8). Therefore, He cannot dwell in a heart full of hate. I thank Jesus for replacing the hate of my past with the love of His future. I now pray for those I once despised. I want them to know the saving grace God has for all people.

Adapted from Pointblank-DM (June 25, 2003). Used by permission.

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