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Q. I know the Bible says to honor your parents, but what if they are abusive, neglectful, willfully absent, or indifferent? How do those of us who have been constantly mistreated by our parents handle this passage of Scripture?

   —Hillari Hunter, via e-mail

A. The Scripture you're referring to is one of the Ten Commandments: "Honor your father and mother, that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you" (Ex. 20:12; Eph. 6:1-3). When you're a child, honoring your parents is as simple as obeying them. Whether you like their rules or not, whether you agree with them or not, whether you want to or not—you obey. But as an adult, you are no longer obligated to live by your parents' rules. You don't have to submit to their authority. Honoring your parents then means treating them with kindness and respect.

It can be a challenge at times for anyone whose parents were less than perfect. (Let's face it, none of them are.) But what if your parents really—and I mean really—don't deserve it?

Jesus said, "Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you … Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful" (Luke 6:27-36). Sometimes our enemies are the members of our own families. God calls us to love them anyway. Forgive them, whether they ask us to or not. Treat them with respect, regardless of whether or not they deserve it. In doing so, we're choosing to imitate our heavenly Father, instead of our earthly parents.

Christin Ditchfield is the host of the syndicated radio program Take It To Heart, and the author of A Family Guide to Narnia: Biblical Truths in C. S. Lewis's The Chronicles of Narnia (Crossway).

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