Of all the difficult issues affecting the Christian singles scene, one rises to the top: Where are the men? That's the question Camerin Courtney and Todd Hertz explore in their insightful article "O Brothers, Where Art Thou?" When featured in last week's ChristianityToday.com Connection Newsletter, the article received a number of responses from Christian brothers—and sisters—who have recognized the absence of men and offer reasons or solutions for the problem. Here are some of their replies.

Finally, the Great Christian Man Shortage is an issue that "rises to the top"! It's been a big problem for years, and I'm astounded at how little attention it's received in the Christian media, particularly in terms of how it affects single women.

—Jennifer

I think one of the main reasons men aren't drawn into church is that we preach a self-centered gospel. God's plan for discipling the nations is rarely talked about in church. Most teaching from the pulpit is about our own personal lives, our personal walks, and our personal needs. We need to get over ourselves and get on with the program of advancing God's kingdom in creation. That aim not only appeals to men, but it's what God created us for.

Men are doers. I'm not talking about giving men projects to do around the church. I'm talking about engaging men's minds in strategy, vision, and planning.

—Mark

My first reaction to the article: "Oh, great! Now I'm supposed to pray for men to come into the church without any 'selfish motivation'?" It was selfish motivation that led me to read the entire article in the first place!

—Missy

I found it puzzling that prayer was one of the only solutions offered for the women to help correct the problem of missing men in the church. Perhaps Christian women should think of taking it upon themselves to go out and "make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19). Is it possible that the Holy Spirit is calling the Christian women of this world to evangelize their fellow man?

—Mark

I believe godly, strong men need to rise up in the body of Christ and encourage single Christian men to come to church and get involved. It's not a woman's job to do that. Because in general, if I'm evangelizing a man, he's likely to come to church just because he wants to date me, not because he wants to pursue God.

—Pamela

Single men who call themselves Christians are probably not what the Word of God would describe as "men of God." I think the two main reasons for this are ignorance and immaturity: ignorance of what the Word of God calls us to be, and immaturity in wanting to follow the culture instead of accepting our responsibility to God. However, I believe the same could be said about many Christian women today. I find myself asking, "Where are all the real Christian women?"

—Tim

Sorry to burst your bubble, but the reason there aren't any single men in the church is that they're out looking for sex. Until the sexual mores change in our culture and men "have" to get married to get sex, things really aren't going to change much.

—Kristi

One thing I think the article did not address is the idea of reaping and sowing, and how this generation—now about 40 years post-sexual revolution—is dealing with the consequences of choices made by generations past. Much has been destroyed by the change in sexual mores that began in the 1960s, and the choices of each generation have had a cumulative effect on the next. Sin harms everyone, including the innocent.

—Lisa

Perhaps part of the problem of men missing in the church is that much of Christianity is presented in a way that doesn't challenge men to be active participants. Often Jesus is presented more as a divine boyfriend than as a God to whom men can relate. Also, in many places, the church doesn't address the struggles men face in a frank and realistic way but instead presents an image of the ideal Christian whom many men find hard to emulate. Men want to see authentic male Christians.

—Colin

I believe the absence of men in the church is related to the lack of adults taking seriously the need to truly disciple younger generations. This is a much bigger issue for men than it is for women. There's a significant need for Christian men to invest in the lives of boys. If we want to see a growing number of men excited and energized about church and church involvement, we must begin with the boys in our churches.

—Don

I believe what keeps men away from church is the judgment that is pasted on them. Jesus said, "Come as you are," but once men walk through the door, the message is: "You have to be a certain way." As a youth pastor for several years, I've encountered men who are judged in every arena of their lives. The last place they want to be on their day off is a place of judgment.

Why is it that when this issue is addressed, it is the men who need to change something?

—Rick

If we want men involved in the church and the Christian life, we need to offer them what they need and try to find in bars, at basketball games, and hunting—fellowship with other men. Churches need to invest time and energy to create a fun, open, social environment where men can hang loose, take off their masks, and experience the kind of Christian fellowship they'll tell other men about.

—Dan

The church's approach to grouping people as singles may keep men—and even women—away. When I participate in a church ministry or group, I want the purpose of the group, not my singleness, to be why I'm there. When groups or activities are designated "just for singles," it seems to us singles that we're being corralled together so we can deal with our apparent deficiency of being single.

Certainly no man wants to feel he has a "problem" that needs to be addressed in a group setting. I can only imagine that for a man, "singles group" seems like an underhanded, contrived way of forcing him into a setting where his "problem" is visible and can be remedied if he only will choose from all these eligible single women.

—Amy

I'm not meeting all these single women! I think there are many men like me: men who love the Lord and have chosen to serve God rather than mammon. Yet I have noticed women want that rare man who successfully does both. Jesus says that is an impossibility. When you count available, single men, please do not eliminate those men who make less than six figures!

—Arnold

There's simply nothing more attractive to me than a man sold out to Jesus spending his days discipling, evangelizing, and ministering to other men. Long ago, I stopped attending singles events and classes at church because I saw single Christian men growing fat and happy there. If men were out in the world evangelizing and discipling lost men in their workplace, neighborhood, gym, volunteer activities, and golf course, the lack of single Christian men in church wouldn't be a problem.

—JDF

	What did you think of this story?
	Please to give us your feedback.

Read more from 'Today's Culture'

Home  |  People of Faith  |  Stories of Hope  |  Today's Culture
Build Your Faith  |  Laughing Matters  |  Archives  |  Contact Us

				Try an Issue of Today's Christian Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. Click here for International orders. If you decide you want to keep Today's Christian coming, honor your invoice for just $17.95 and receive five more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The trial issue is yours to keep, regardless. Give Today's Christian as a gift Buy 1 gift subscription, get 1 FREE!

FREE Newsletter Subscribe to the Today's Christian Newsletter    RSS Feed   RSS Help