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Is church really the best place for a single Christian to find a mate? Today's Christian asked five dating and relationship experts for their opinions. Our panel includes: Christopher L. Burge, coauthor of His Rules: God's Practical Road Map for Becoming and Attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right; Dr. Henry Cloud, coauthor of Boundaries in Dating and author of How to Get a Date Worth Keeping; Hayley DiMarco, coauthor of Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating; Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony.com and author of Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons; and Lauren F. Winner, author of Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity.

What's the church's biggest challenge in addressing the needs of singles?
Warren: We all know getting married is not nearly as challenging as getting married well. Singles need to believe the church wants them to get married well far more than to just "get married."

DiMarco: A major hurdle is making church a place that appeals to singles. Many feel out of place, or are afraid of being regarded as desperate, searching for love in Sunday school. Others just don't feel comfortable in an environment that seems out of touch with their lifestyle.

Winner: Churches must resist the temptation to demographically segregate their congregations, sending single folks to one Sunday school class, seniors to a second, young marrieds to a third. This segmentation doesn't reflect the biblical image of the church as an interdependent body. Both single and married people are impoverished when we're not invited, in church, to become community with one another.

Anecdotal evidence suggests a lack of single Christian men. Is the church doing something wrong?
Burge: Men are tuned in to the channel WIIFM—What's In It For Me—and most feel the message they're getting at church is often irrelevant to their world. In general, the issues that challenge men, such as lust, are not as socially acceptable to talk about as those that challenge women. So the church has created an environment where men have to put on a façade.

Winner: Actually, there have been more women than men in the pews throughout almost all of American history—since the second generation of Puritans in colonial New England! In a church with a lopsided gender ratio, we have to ask some hard questions: If we recognize that there are more women than men in church, and we affirm that we should not be "unequally yoked," are we implicitly suggesting that many Christian women should intentionally practice singleness? If so, how can we be a community that practices singleness well?

What advice would you give to single women in the church who simply are not finding available men?
Cloud: Look for dynamics you may not even be aware of that keep you from meeting people. You may be more closed off than you think, giving "don't approach me" vibes. Or you may be too passive about taking responsibility for your dating life. Do you go to the same places and meet no one, over and over? You have to go to the places where dates actually come from, including joining a dating service. Don't give up after a few failed attempts, but keep trying like you would in any other area of life.

DiMarco: Yes, you may need to look elsewhere. Embrace the possibility that your locale and career might have become a stumbling block in finding a mate. If the Internet isn't your thing, try taking on a new hobby where men abound—rock climbing, softball, or the like.

Burge: But don't succumb to the temptation of making an idol out of finding a man. It's easy to join the choir or to volunteer for some other ministry just to see if you can meet men. Make sure your motives stay pure. Use this unique time to work on yourself, addressing any unresolved issues in your life.

What would you tell single men?
Winner: Single men are so "in demand" that they can get away with murder. There is a real temptation for men to be cads, and to approach dating and romance—even friendship—with a decidedly ungodly attitude. So the main challenge for men is to love their neighbors as themselves.

Cloud: Find some testosterone! Be more initiating and get moving, even if that means getting rejected. Don't get stuck in some fantasy of a supermodel with no insides. Get real and ask out a lot of women, even those who are not your "type," and you will learn how to relate to a real woman and not a fantasy.

DiMarco: Start taking risks. Women really do want to be asked out—you aren't being a creep if you're pursuing women in the church.

What if a woman has given up on finding a man in the church and is considering dating a non-Christian?
Warren: If your faith is at the core of your being, you badly need someone who shares it. Hoping that dating an unbeliever will all work out well is unbelievably risky. If a potential marriage partner says he's thinking seriously about his faith, great. Let him think it through, but don't marry him until he's solidly [growing in his faith] for at least a year. Otherwise, you're setting yourself up for heartache.

Burge: A man who is not a believer typically doesn't submit to God's definition of love. He has to manufacture his own, which could lead to infidelity and other problems. You're playing Russian roulette when you date a non-Christian.

DiMarco: Missionary dating is a great lie of the ages. "I may be the only Jesus he ever kisses" is not good evangelism.

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