In early 2005, ABC's The Bachelorette, a reality show that features one woman courting and eventually choosing a potential mate from a bevy of single men, included something unusual—two self-declared, 20-something virgins. One of the men was Jason Illian, a motivational speaker from Fort Worth, Texas. During the "Men Tell All" episode, the comment was made of both bachelors: "We're like the black-footed ferret. Almost an extinct species." Even featured bachelorette, Jennifer Schefft said, "I don't think it's realistic to not be with a woman at this age." But is her statement true?

Jason, now 30, spends half his professional life speaking to groups and organizations on faith-based leadership and relationships. It's fairly safe to say he knows something about the subject. Why then would he go on a national television show and tell not only Jennifer Schefft, but 20 million viewers that he's never had sex? In the "Tell All" episode he said, "The fact that I'm a virgin, that's who I am." But that's not why he originally applied to be on the show.

Jason recalls how he and some friends were watching an episode of The Bachelor (the male version of the show) in which the current contestant told a group of girls he came on the show because he was tired of repeatedly waking up with a different woman, not knowing where he was. "Tell me he did not just say that," Jason shouted at the TV. "Tell me he's not what's representative of the male species." His friends suggested he send in his own application if he thought he could do better, and the rest is history.

Since statistics show 64 percent of all television programs contain sexual content but only 15 percent mention abstinence, protection, and/or consequences, it's not surprising Jason became the focus of both network promotion and a late night talk show host's monologue. He takes it all in stride. "It's not like the first thing I do is walk into a room and say, 'I haven't had sex yet.' That's just what ABC latched on to pretty quickly. And I think it's because it's a rarity in today's world."

Indeed Jason's "confession" to saving himself for marriage may have impacted Schefft's decision to cut him, though he didn't realize it at the time. He did say in his final episode, "I don't know whether or not my choice to save myself for marriage factored in in any way, but that's part of who I am. And I wanted to put my cards on the table, so that if Jennifer didn't want to keep me, she had good reason not to."

"Jason threw me a curveball tonight when he told me he was a virgin," Schefft said in her commentary after his revelation. "I respect that, but it's not about whether he's had sex or not. That's fine. It just reflects on his belief system, and that might be a little bit too stringent for me."

Why does American society place such emphasis on sex? Dear Abby once asked her female readers: "Would you rather have intercourse or a meaningful conversation with the man you love?" Over 80 percent preferred the meaningful conversation. Given that kind of response, why has the media turned terms like "virginity" into an insult? "Maybe somewhere along the way we've gotten confused as a society about where sex fits into a relationship," Jason says. "I think a lot of times the term 'virginity' becomes equated with someone who has no other choice."

With sexual content more than tripling in the past decade, the media has proven that sex sells. But Jason believes if shows like The Bachelor and The Bachelorette actually tried to help contestants find a soul mate their ratings might spike, because most people are looking for love and relationship, not just sex. "You don't have to have sex to be sexy," he says. "You don't have to touch a woman's body to touch her heart."

According to a 2000 Mediascope.org survey, most Americans might agree with Jason. Three out of four surveyed said television encouraged irresponsible sexual behavior. And with the average teenage viewer witnessing nearly 14,000 sexual references per year, it's no wonder kids are jumping into sexual relationships at increasingly younger ages.

The media has to take some responsibility for this trend. "TV doesn't show us the consequences of sex," Jason says. "It shows two people sleeping together, but not what happens after. It's a skewed view."

For Jason, this means taking a stand for what many would consider old-fashioned convictions. For him the deepest level of physical intimacy is sex and the deepest level of emotional intimacy is marriage. "It's not just one physical moment or one great, romantic night. It's a lifelong commitment. And if people stood back and examined that, you'd be amazed at how relationships could change on a national level."

Jason, who in his free time helps inner-city kids and volunteers with the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, thinks today's pop-culture icons could have a serious impact in changing perceptions. He says, "What could it do for us as a society if a celebrity just said, 'Listen, yeah, I have all these people throwing themselves at me, but that's not what it's about'? The tide could turn."

The probability of finding love on a TV program like The Bachelorette is exceptionally low. Jason says he went more to show love than to find it. And the rest of the men respected his stand, even if they didn't agree with it. His local Christian community, however, was evenly split on their opinions of his choice. "They thought this was a very worldly thing," he explains. "Someone asked, 'How could you go on such a shameful, lustful show?' Well, it's not the healthy that need a doctor; it's the sick."

Though risky, he feels his decision to appear on the show was worth it. "You have to be wise about your choices. Don't dive into just any opportunity, but if one aligns with your belief system, then yeah, take a shot at it. You may be surprised at what type of miracles you'll see."

Rhonda Eudaly lives in Fort Worth, Texas, and writes both fiction and non-fiction. Jason Illian's first book will be published later this year. Find out more at www.jasonillian.com.

	What did you think of this story?
	Please to give us your feedback.

Read more from 'Today's Culture'

Home  |  People of Faith  |  Stories of Hope  |  Today's Culture
Build Your Faith  |  Laughing Matters  |  Archives  |  Contact Us

				Try an Issue of Today's Christian Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. Click here for International orders. If you decide you want to keep Today's Christian coming, honor your invoice for just $17.95 and receive five more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The trial issue is yours to keep, regardless. Give Today's Christian as a gift Buy 1 gift subscription, get 1 FREE!

FREE Newsletter Subscribe to the Today's Christian Newsletter    RSS Feed   RSS Help