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Is church really the best place for a single Christian to find a mate? Today's Christian asked five dating and relationship experts for their opinions. Our panel includes: Christopher L. Burge, coauthor of His Rules: God's Practical Road Map for Becoming and Attracting Mr. or Mrs. Right; Dr. Henry Cloud, coauthor of Boundaries in Dating and author of How to Get a Date Worth Keeping; Hayley DiMarco, coauthor of Marriable: Taking the Desperate Out of Dating; Dr. Neil Clark Warren, founder of eHarmony.com and author of Falling in Love for All the Right Reasons; and Lauren F. Winner, author of Real Sex: The Naked Truth About Chastity.

What's the church's biggest challenge in addressing the needs of singles?

Warren: We all know getting married is not nearly as challenging as getting married well. Singles need to believe the church wants them to get married well far more than to just "get married."

DiMarco: A major hurdle is making church a place that appeals to singles. Many feel out of place, or are afraid of being regarded as desperate, searching for love in Sunday school. Others just don't feel comfortable in an environment that seems out of touch with their lifestyle.

Winner: Churches must resist the temptation to demographically segregate their congregations, sending single folks to one Sunday school class, seniors to a second, young marrieds to a third. This segmentation doesn't reflect the biblical image of the church as an interdependent body. Both single and married people are impoverished when we're not invited, in church, to become community with one another.

Anecdotal evidence suggests a lack of single Christian men. Is the church doing something wrong?

Burge: Men are tuned in to the channel WIIFM—What's In It For Me—and most feel the message they're getting at church is often irrelevant to their world. In general, the issues that challenge men, such as lust, are not as socially acceptable to talk about as those that challenge women. So the church has created an environment where men have to put on a fa&ccedit;ade.

Winner: Actually, there have been more women than men in the pews throughout almost all of American history—since the second generation of Puritans in colonial New England! In a church with a lopsided gender ratio, we have to ask some hard questions: If we recognize that there are more women than men in church, and we affirm that we should not be "unequally yoked," are we implicitly suggesting that many Christian women should intentionally practice singleness? If so, how can we be a community that practices singleness well?

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