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For Tony, divorce was a far lesser evil than monogamy. He couldn't have a "broad" telling him what to do, especially one that wasn't even Italian.

We kept in touch for a few years after separating.  In retrospect, I think it was just so he could keep an eye on me.  He most likely suspected that the FBI might come calling—and they did.  Though I didn't know anything to tell them, Tony adhered to the old adage: Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

After the divorce I continued to stumble through life, growing wearier and wearier, making a concerted effort to kill the person I hated inside of me with whatever chemicals I could get my hands on. Although I had, in my childhood, known Jesus, I felt we'd turned our backs on each other long ago.

Five years after my divorce, I met someone very special—my present husband, Joe Cueto. Despite the countless mistakes I'd made, I knew instantly he was the man God always had intended for me to marry. But while he satisfied the deep need for genuine love I'd always sought from a man, a void still remained deep inside me.

Then, in January 1991, my mother invited me to go on a church retreat.  That entire weekend I felt as though God was welcoming me with the tender embrace of an adoring Father.  Every meal served was my favorite dish. Even Mother teasingly remarked, "Well, it seems like God is trying to make this extra special for you." One night there was a healing service, and Christ mended a throbbing toe I'd injured. Even more amazing, however, He healed my wounded spirit. When I joyfully accepted His offer to come into my life, I knew I was finally home!

Step by step, through painful rehabilitation, Jesus delivered me from all my addictions. Slowly I came to understand that the deep psychological wounds of my childhood had caused me to become numb. The methods I used to shield myself from the pain—drugs, alcohol, and even my life with Tony—had only increased it.  But God loved and didn't forget that hurt little girl; He saved me from myself.  Though I deserve to be His slave forever, He made me His Princess.

When God first compelled me to share my story, some well-meaning loved ones—knowing the Mob's reputation for guarding its privacy—asked if I feared for my life.  The answer is a resounding no. I was dead before, but God graciously, miraculously, brought me back to life. Now I know I need never fear death again.

Barbara Cueto is a worship leader at Coronado Baptist Church and lives in New Mexico with her husband and two teenage sons. For more information on Barbara's book, From Mafia Princess to God's Princess, go to www.BarbaraCuetoMinistries.com.

Copyright © 2007 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian magazine. Click here for reprint information.

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