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Paul, You Gotta Be Kidding!

An old lady takes the apostle to task

-by Martha B. Banks

Dear Brother Paul,
Even though it isn't polite to read other people's mail, I have been reading your letter to your friend Titus over and over, and I have a few questions for you about what you said about old ladies …

When you wrote that letter I'll bet you never dreamed I would be mulling it over, trying to figure out how to apply your God-given wisdom nearly two thousand years later. Matter of fact, maybe I should have started applying it sooner, but it's only recently that folks have started talking to me loudly and slowly, and only a month since Jim what's-his-name started grabbing my arm to help me down the church steps.

Some of your instructions on how I ought to behave (Titus 2:3-5) aren't any problem. I'm not a slave of wine, and I don't accuse my neighbor of stealing my purse when I forget that I left it in the car.

What gets me is the part where you say old ladies are supposed to be teaching the young women. Excuse me, Brother, but in the vernacular of the day, you gotta be kidding!

We live in the age of the baby-boomers, who were told they were the smartest kids who ever lived. Do you think for a minute that those young women would listen to anything I could tell them?

An imaginative exercise
But suppose I had a young woman all primed to hear me. You mentioned to Titus that we ought to teach the young women to love their husbands and children. What a ridiculous thing to say! Of course women love their husbands and children. Or do they? It's true that I have known women who left their husbands to fulfill themselves career-wise.

But how can an old lady teach a young woman that faithfulness is worth it? That children are to be treasured at all cost? That a close-knit family is a richer blessing than all the accolades and job promotions in the world? Yes, I could tell them that, but God would have to open their hearts to receive it.

Teach them to be discreet and self-controlled? Oh, they do need to be discreet all right! I have cringed at hearing some lovely young wife talking in the church kitchen about her marital sex life.

I have overheard blow-by-blow descriptions of the frailties of his parents or his laxity in fixing things around the house. But short of saying, "Gladys, will you please shut up!" what can an old lady say that will penetrate their heads without crushing their spirits? Again, God has to do that job, not I.

You said I should teach them how to be good homemakers. Brother Paul, you caught me red-handed. I still hide the dirty dishes in the oven when unexpected company comes to my door. And I'm supposed to tell those girls how to keep house? Forget it!

With a clear conscience I could tell them to get three good meals onto the table every day, keep the clothes washed, and make sure everybody has a good warm coat, a hat, and gloves in the winter. And don't leave things lying on the floor for somebody else to fall over.

I'm also supposed to tell them to be obedient to their own husbands. That makes good sense. I remember one man who used to hide in the cellar whenever his wife's prayer group came. He loved the Lord, but he was just sick and tired of hearing his wife say, "Debbie's husband says that you should take your rightful place as head of the family!" It was "Debbie's husband this" and "Debbie's husband that."

If I had said, "Shut up!" it wouldn't have worked. But maybe I could have encouraged her by saying, "Your husband might come to prayer meeting if you stopped talking so much about Debbie's husband." That might have worked. Even so, God would have had to move in the situation.

Your hidden agenda
That, Brother Paul, seems to take care of the topics in your "Old Ladies' Course for Young Wives." However, I was really shocked by your motive in all this. I kept thinking you were doing it for their good—to keep the family united and harmonious so everybody would be happy. But you told Titus something different: so no one could "reproach the word of God." Now just a minute. Does this mean that the way a wife acts can either help or hinder evangelism?

My father, who was a tool and die maker, used to say, "If your religion doesn't work at home, don't expect it to work anywhere else." I think that's what you were saying to Titus. Jesus prayed that we Christians would behave in such a way that the world would look at us and say without hesitation, "See how they love one another."

We "old ladies" are supposed to bear witness to the love and peace that have come our way because we followed the teachings of Jesus. We are not to berate or boss or scold. We are to "tell the old, old stories of Jesus and his love." We are to bring them into our daily conversation with gentleness and courtesy. Little words, little phrases will grow like seeds under the care of the Holy Spirit, hopefully blooming in their lives.

Dear Brother Paul, thank you for taking the time to write to Titus. I think I have a better idea of what you were trying to get across to him and to us old ladies. However, there are still a few questions I want to ask …

Can you remember the letter you wrote to the folks in Ephesus …

Your sister in Christ,
Martha Banks

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