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Flower Power …

and other marriage advice that is truer today than it was in the Sixties

by Sandy Sheppard

My husband and I celebrated our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary this year, documented by a request on the local "oldies" radio station for an old favorite of ours—"I Love How You Love Me." The deejay dedicated the song "to Rick and Sandy Sheppard, married twenty-five years today. They have never had a fight!"

The truth is that we've had plenty of arguments, and I can't guarantee we won't have plenty more during our next twenty-five years together. But over a quarter century, we have learned a thing or two about life and love.

Looking back, I realized some of the catch phrases of our formative years in the Sixties caused our parents' generation a great deal of concern. But thirty years later I find within them nuggets of marital truth.

Make love, not war.
Today's couples are busy—with work, church, children, and all the demands of life, which can crowd out time together. Intimacy, whether it's a quick back-rub, a snuggle on the couch, or a night of passion, needs to be scheduled into every day.

You can get anything you want at Alice's Restaurant.
Continue to date your mate. Go out for lunch or dessert together (without children) once a week. Talk about something other than the kids. It will revitalize your marriage.

Give peace a chance.
Pick your fights carefully. Are the dirty socks that regularly fall just short of the laundry hamper really worth an armed conflict? Only you can make that decision. Maybe conceding the battle will win the war in the long run.

Flower power!
Never underestimate the importance of a heart-felt apology, with or without flowers. If you were a real jerk, admit it. Extraordinary things can happen.

Ban the bomb.
The second your spouse walks in the door from work is not the best time to drop the bombshell about the check that bounced or the collectible that ended up in the dog's mouth. Save the bad news for later.

Burn your draft card.
Sometimes it's best to set aside your expectations that dinner will always be on the table at 6 o'clock sharp or that the leak under the kitchen sink will be fixed promptly. Marriage is not the draft system. It's made up of willing volunteers.

Free love.
Don't withold love from your spouse. Give it freely, served up with plenty of hugs, kisses, and compliments. Acting in loving ways, even when you don't feel very loving at the moment, can do amazing things to your heart—and your spouse's.

Using such Sixties advice could earn you the distinction of having your favorite deejay announce that you and your spouse have been married for twenty-five years without a single fight. Even if it is stretching the truth a little!

And if you've figured out a benefit from "Louie, Louie," let me know.

Henceforth there will be such a oneness between us that when one weeps the other will taste the salt.
—Author unknown

Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it.
—Song of Solomon 8:7

The reason a dog has so many friends is because he wags his tail instead of his tongue.
—Author unknown

Copyright © 1997 by the author or Christianity Today International/Today's Christian magazine (formerly Christian Reader).
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