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They have a saying in Arizona: Cowboy Up. It means never give up, do whatever it takes to get the job done.

For a cowboy like Don Pock, manager of the N Bar Ranch in western New Mexico, this was more than a saying, it was a way of life. Don had a hair-trigger temper, and was prone to humiliate his cowhands, especially after he'd taken an extended beer break. At seventeen, I was one of those cowhands. But I was a lazy, smart-mouthed kid, so I didn't last long there.

Fourteen years later, in 1990, I became the pastor of Lifegate Baptist Church in Phoenix. There among my new flock sat Don Pock and his wife, Rosemary. In fact, Lifegate was home to four generations of this family: Don and Rosemary's oldest daughter, Donna, and her husband, Gary Mallory; their daughter, Rosie, and her husband, Jim Sander, and their daughter, Ramie. My first thought was, What could've changed that old coot? Little did I know the answer was sitting right beside him.

	"I was determined to make Gary change. But you can't make a cowboy do anything. So I prayed God would change me."

During my time at Lifegate I observed how the faithful witness and persistent prayers of Rosemary, as well as her daughter, Donna, and granddaughter, Rosie, greatly impacted each of their husbands. Although my family and I moved from the area five years ago, my wife, Susan, and I flew back to Arizona recently to visit our friends. We spent a few days reminiscing about how these three generations of godly women stood by their men and loved these tough cowboys into an active faith in God.

We began our conversation around the kitchen table in Rosie and Jim's home in northern Phoenix. Donna had driven in from the ranch, about ninety minutes away. Rosemary and Don had come from Wilcox, Arizona, where they retired two years ago. I asked how their family's journey of faith started.

"I guess it began with me," Donna says.

Domino effect
In the early seventies, Donna was a young mother with three small children. She and Gary lived on a remote ranch where he herded cattle and she "herded" the kids from daylight till dark, seven days a week.

But come Saturday night, the Mallorys were part of the hard-living, hard-drinking crowd. "I was always right in the middle of the fun," she recalls, "but in my heart I knew our lifestyle was displeasing to God." Though Donna had responded to an altar call as a child, she had no sense in her soul that she belonged to Christ.

Beyond that inner turmoil, Donna wrestled with the issues of her generation. "We were told that a woman had to demand her rights in order to be happy," she said. She bit her lip. "I treated Gary so bad. I was so determined to be independent that I'd refuse to get him a glass of iced tea when he came in from a rough day of riding. I thought, He's got two good legs; he can get it himself."

She paused, fishing for words. "On one hand, I was full of guilt over our lifestyle; on the other, I was dissatisfied and selfish. But the more I pushed for my rights, the more Gary stayed away from home. I was miserable."

Donna finally began reading her Bible. A few weeks later, she confessed her sin and entrusted her life to Christ. She received a new heart and a new perspective on marriage.

At the time, Donna's parents were running a ranch clear across Arizona. When her mom, Rosemary, read a letter from Donna describing her newfound peace, she wondered how she could have that same assurance. She looked up some verses Donna had recommended, and rededicated her life to Christ. She began reading her Bible and praying regularly, seeking to share with Don what she was learning.

"I was so zealous," Rosemary remembers, "that Don resented me preaching to him. So I decided to quit talking about it, and just try to live what I was learning."

Her granddaughter, Rosie, decided to follow Christ when she was seven years old. Her mother had taught her numerous Bible stories and had prayed and sung with her and her siblings. In 1988, Rosie married Jim Sander, who worked as a maintenance supervisor on a golf course. Though Jim had received Christ as a boy, he had no interest in spiritual matters.

Three generations of women had come to share a common faith, a commitment to prayer, and a heartfelt desire to see their husbands know and grow in the Lord. They prayed, fasted, and hoped.

A cup of cold tea
When Donna and Rosemary talked to their cowboy husbands about submitting to the Lord, the men didn't get the concept. They'd never surrendered to anything in their lives.

So, like Christ washing the disciples' feet, these women began to serve their families. For Donna, this meant having that cold drink ready when Gary came in from the desert.

"I'd seen the way Mom always treated Dad," recalls Donna, "even when he wasn't that easy to live with. Instead of arguing with him, she would just smile and go along with him. She went out of her way to compliment him in front of others."

"It wasn't that hard," Rosemary explains. "I always knew Don loved me. I was just doing what it says in the Bible: 'Wives, be submissive to your husbands.'"

"That word made me crazy," Donna interrupted, eyes flashing. "I couldn't even hear the S-word without getting mad. Well, as I began understanding the nature of the Christian life, I realized that even if I could somehow get around Ephesians 5:22 and 1 Peter 3:1, I still had to deal with passages like Philippians 2, where we're told, 'In humility, consider others better than yourselves.' If Jesus had to take upon himself the nature of a servant, who was I to say, 'I won't serve my husband's needs?'"

"At first, I wanted Gary to get saved so my life would get easier, not for his well-being or eternal security," Donna admits. "I was determined to make him change. But you can't make a cowboy do anything. So I started praying God would change me."

Winning through crisis
Donna quit going to the bars with Gary and their friends. One evening, left alone with her small kids, Donna read, "Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business, and to work with your hands."

That verse from 1 Thessalonians 4:11 motivated her to pick up a block of wood and a knife. "I began carving to keep my hands and mind occupied, instead of fretting about where Gary was. As I worked, I prayed for him. When he did come home, instead of chewing on him, I was actually in a good mood. So he wanted to stay home more!"

Rosie grew to share her mother's aptitude for art, and several years ago began painting her mother's eclectic carvings of cowboys, angels, and desert animals. Today they use their thriving craft business, Two Branches (taken from John 15), to share Christ at Arizona galleries and shows.

Faithful prayer and examples of authentic Christian living warmed the hearts of their husbands. But before God could break through their stubborn wills, they each had to be confronted with circumstances beyond their control. Don's crisis came first, when he finally admitted he couldn't win a decades-long struggle with alcohol.

In late summer of 1980, Don asked his family to join him on top of Rhinoceros Peak, in the remote Bradshaw mountains of central Arizona.

"I'm tired of being a bad example for this family," Don told them. "With your help, and especially the Lord's help, I'm going to change." Donna, her sister Roseanne, and Rosie prayed for him and quoted Scriptures about the Lord's grace and mercy. They discussed salvation, how it couldn't be earned, only accepted as a gift. Don accepted Christ there and admitted his total dependence on God to beat the bottle. He's been sober ever since.

Gary's confrontation with his need for God came later. After a family reunion in 1988, Donna drove home with her mom and youngest daughter, Rachel. Gary stayed behind to party with friends.

A passing car sideswiped Donna's truck, causing her to lose control and roll several times. Rosemary and Rachel were bruised but okay. Donna's jaw was crushed, and she sustained serious neck and shoulder injuries. When Gary arrived, he felt powerless. Clutching Donna's Bible, he prayed over her with a broken spirit. As God spared Donna's life, Gary responded with a genuine commitment borne out of gratitude. After Donna's convalescence, the family began attending church for the first time, not long before I arrived as their pastor.

What the future holds
Though Rosie had seen God's grace in the lives of her father and grandfather, she was anxious to see him work in her husband's life as well. She, too, tried to force her husband to change.

"I wanted Jim to pray out loud at meals—even though he didn't like to," Rosie recalls. "I thought he watched too much TV, so I griped. I nagged him about going to church with me, because I was tired of sitting in church alone. But I had a selfish motive, and Jim sensed that."

Finally, she said she learned to pray for both his heart and hers. She also prayed that Jim would grow spiritually with the help of other men.

God answered that prayer. Attending a Promise Keepers rally with men from church had a significant impact on him. His emerging faith was also tested by a crisis. Jim and Rosie's son, Newton, was born in 1995. When he was seven months old, doctors discovered a rare heart deformity. Risky surgery was the baby's only chance for survival.

"I was really shaken," Rosie recalled. "And Jim was a boost to my faith while we waited. He prayed with confidence, and Newt came out of surgery in great shape. That crisis showed me just how much Jim had changed."

In almost a whisper she continued, "It's what I wanted most—a husband who loves the Lord first. I couldn't force or control Jim. Only God has the ability to really change people or situations."

As these women listed numerous family members and friends who had come to know Christ in the past twenty or so years, I joked aloud, "Who's left to pray for?"

Without hesitation, all three said in unison, "The kids."

Rosemary looked at her great-grandchildren running around the yard. "Us oldtimers have had a lot of catching up to do. But these little ones have their whole lives ahead of them. With the head start they're getting, there's no telling what God will do through this family in the future."

Donna said, "God is faithful to his Word. He tells us in 1 Corinthians 13 exactly what real love looks like in practice."

Condensed from Today's Christian Woman (September/October 1997), © 1997 Edward Rowell.

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