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Dear Dr. Langberg,
My eighteen-year-old daughter's dating a man who isn't a Christian. I want to guide her, but I don't want to nag her as it might push her closer to him. Any advice?
You're wise to approach your daughter carefully. A young girl in love doesn't listen very well to advice, so choose your timing and words well.
If possible, arrange a mutually convenient time for a special mother/daughter get-together, such as an evening out. Once it's scheduled, start preparing for it with prayer. God is clear in his Word about marriage to an unbeliever, but you need his wisdom to know the best way to communicate this truth to your particular daughter. Also pray about what you can share with her about marriage in general. How might you encourage her walk with God beyond this specific issue? Do you need to speak to your daughter about any parenting mistakes you might have made?
Not only do you need God's guidance about what to say, but you'll need to spend time interceding for your daughter. She stands on the brink of womanhood and probably thinks she knows a great deal. Pray she'll be open to the Holy Spirit. Enlist a couple of friends who'll also commit to pray for her and your time together.
Finally, go and have fun with your daughter. Make your time together as nice as possible. Don't let your only focus be on telling her you're concerned she's disobeying God. So often when we're concerned about something regarding our children, we simply react out of fear and come in like a bulldozer. Show her clearly what God's Word says about marriage to an unbeliever, but use this time to strengthen your relationship. She'll be more likely to receive the truth from you.
Be bold about the truth-but wrap it up in love. Pray with her if she'll permit you to do so. Then continue to faithfully intercede for your daughter for the rest of your life. There's no more powerful force than the prayers of a loving parent in the life of an adult child.
I'm engaged to be married to a Christian man who has been divorced. This will be a first marriage for me. However, I'm concerned about marrying him because he still has frequent contact with his ex-wife and two children from his first marriage (she has custody). I'm concerned I'll feel frustrated over the time spent with them when we start having children. Should I break up with him?
Your fiance's previous marriage-and the children that resulted from it-will always be part of his and your present. If he's an involved, responsible father, he'll have contact with his former wife because they must parent their children together. I dare say you wouldn't want him as the father of your children if he weren't an involved parent, so you need to encourage him in that role, whether it be with his present children or those you may have together. He's responsible before God to parent his children well. To interfere with that is to hinder him from obeying God.
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