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It was christmas eve, and I was still reeling from the finality of my divorce two weeks earlier after twenty-three years of marriage. As my teenage daughter, Lisa, and I settled into a rented apartment, I was determined to salvage some kind of meaningful celebration from the rubble of the previous year.
Christmas had always been big at our house. Lots of decorations. Two fully decorated trees. Lisa and I usually spent several Saturdays before the holidays decorating our home and baking dozens of fancy cookies for our annual open house. Christmas Eve was reserved for our own family celebration, and Christmas Day we often spent with relatives.
Obviously this would be a very different Christmas. There was no tree. Finances were tight. There would be no open house, so it was hard to get excited about baking cookies.
I strung Christmas lights around the house plants, turned on Christmas music, brought out the eggnog, and read aloud the Christmas story. Then we opened our few gifts. By seven o'clock, we were done. The whole evening lay ahead of us.
I suggested Lisa and I go to a movie so at least we would be with other people. The theater was only a block away. A short walk later, we settled into the plush seats to watch some forgettable movie, only to realize we were the only two people in the entire theater. Sitting in that dark, empty place on Christmas Eve—even with Lisa—was the loneliest moment of my life.
No one plans to be lonely. But one day you find yourself in a marriage unable to connect with your spouse, in a new city isolated from all that's familiar, or surrounded by people in a church sanctuary while you feel as though you're the only person on the planet. And you're surprised at how much it hurts.
The psalmist David knew what it felt like to be alone and afraid. In Psalm 25:16-17, he cried out to God, "Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart have multiplied; free me from my anguish." The psalms that follow show how giving his heartache to God didn't necessarily change David's circumstances, but it did bring him comfort.
While comfort from God can help us through the dark moments, most of us still wonder why we're lonely. The truth is, sometimes loneliness is simply the byproduct of changing life circumstances. For example, my best friend, Beth, moved a couple hours away to a much smaller town for a new job. She's always had close friends but now lack of proximity makes it hard to maintain old ties. Her loneliness hit home late one night when her year-old son, Preston, developed a severe allergic reaction to poppy seed coffeecake. As a single parent with no friends nearby to call for help, she sped to the hospital—alone—in a panic.
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