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YOU KNOW THE TYPE: the woman who effortlessly sews her own window treatments, makes her own candles, or prepares gourmet meals "to die for." I call these women the "Martha Stewarts," and I actually have some friends who fall into this category. One friend put in the plumbing when she and her husband remodeled their home. Another's such an outstanding gardener, I'm convinced she makes her own dirt!
One friend of mine, Ted, married a Martha Stewart. Not only can Cindy, his wife, mother four young children, create a fabulous home, sew everybody little matching outfits, and cook like Julia Child, but she's loving, generous, fun, and pretty. In short, she used to make me sick!
I noticed that when Ted and Cindy first got married, I felt depressed whenever I left their home. That's because in the domestic arena—cooking, decorating, gardening, and crafts—I feel somewhat insecure.
But as the years have gone by, I've recognized my sadness and my tendency to use sarcasm when I was with Ted and Cindy as masks for envy.
ACCORDING TO THE dictionary, envy's defined as: "desire for something possessed by another." Envy occurs when you compare yourself with someone else, and in the comparison, feel deprived or lacking.
Unfortunately, it's an all-too-human tendency to look over our shoulder to see who gets the office with the window, who has a new sweater on, who has the most gifted children, or who gets to go to the Caribbean while we freeze in Chicago. Too many of us live in a perpetual state of discontent, whimperingly wondering, Why you and not me?
While envy is a normal—and unavoidable—emotion, that doesn't mean God treats it casually. The reality is, he's so set against it that he prohibited it: "You shall not covet your neighbor's house. You shall not covet your neighbor's wife or his manservant or maidservant, his ox or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor" (Exod. 20:17).
Most of us don't spend our energy envying other people's oxen, but we do envy their hair, car, income, personality, achievements, lifestyle—even spiritual gifts.
Although the sin of envy doesn't get as much press as adultery, murder, or stealing, its effects can be disastrous. Envy devalues our self-worth and the uniqueness of God's creation, gradually distancing us from him and others.
If you've been seeing green lately, here are some practical suggestions on how to change the way you look at things.
Call a spade a spade. Admit to your feelings, but remember, envy has many disguises—constructive criticism, self-pity, even fake praise.
How do you know if what you're really feeling is envy? Ask yourself:
- Do you get upset when acquaintances advance professionally or socially?
- Do you belittle the accomplishments, talents, or appearance of others?
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