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Every month, millions of women in the U.S. face infertility. While they've done all the right things to conceive, when their period arrives, once again they find themselves on that emotional roller-coaster ride of high hopes and dashed expectations. Another month of empty dreams, another month with an empty crib.
Infertility is defined by the medical community as the inability to conceive within one year of unprotected intercourse (6 months for women over 35), or the inability to carry a child to live birth. The most frequent causes of infertility include blocked fallopian tubes; poor or absent ovulation, especially in women over 35; endometriosis; and for men, problems such as low sperm count and impeded sperm motility.
According to Jennifer Saake, founder and director of Hannah's Prayer, a nonprofit Internet- and newsletter-based infertility support group, "Women need to remember that infertility is a medical problem. Too often we're told, 'If you'd only relax, or go on vacation, you'd get pregnant'! Or we even secretly fear that infertility is God's way of punishing us for some unknown sin. In my own struggle with infertility, I ended up praying and reading my Bible, hoping I'd earn a child. I became angry with God when I did everything according to the 'rules' and didn't conceive. It wasn't until I realized that I was making having a child my idol that I was able to find peace with my situation.
"God understands," adds Jennifer, "how desperately I need the healthy release of tears when my period starts unexpectedly, or I receive negative test results. The key is not to allow bitterness to blind me to God's compassion in the midst of these trials."
And through the course of those burdens, glimpses of that compassion and healing can come shining through. Among these glimpses is Kathryn Olson's story. Kathryn, 39, has struggled with infertility for 3 years. Her story is a poignant reminder not only of the pain, grief, and stress infertile women experience, but also of the faith, hope, and encouragement.
—The Editors
It happened in the cereal aisle of my local supermarket. I ran into my third mother-and-baby pair of the morning, and grief blindsided me. Feeling as if I'd been punched in the gut, I dissolved into tears, hoping no one would notice.
I'd headed out early that Monday morning to pick up a few groceries, hoping to get a jump on the midday crowds. Several young moms apparently had the same idea, and we smiled at each other as we passed in the aisles. Except I wasn't a young mom. I was a thirtysomething mom-wannabe. And after seeing my third beautiful child—this one a toddler, contentedly munching on a fresh bagel, safely snuggled in his mom's grocery cart—I could no longer hold back the tears.
I'd lost my only child in an early miscarriage more than a year and a half before. Time and God's grace had gone a long way toward healing my heart. But that morning reminded me again that the loss of a child, even a preborn child, is something a mom never really gets over. But I've learned some important lessons on how to survive infertility:
Be gentle with yourself.It's easy to feel that taking care of yourself is selfish, but sometimes we need a break from people and situations that hurt.
You may need to avoid baby showers for a while, or plan a special time for yourself and your husband on Mother's Day. I'm not suggesting you withdraw from life. But on certain occasions—holidays or celebrations that are especially hard for you—cut yourself some slack.
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