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I stood hesitantly by the industrial-strength coffeepot, nervously juggling a Styrofoam cup of bland hot brew with my Bible and trying to make eye contact with potential female friends in the adult Sunday school class. Inside, I felt that intense aloneness that can grip you most in a big crowd. Most of the 50 or so class members huddled in their little groups, secure in their shared ac-tivities. However, I must have looked pathetic enough for one woman to break away and throw a morsel of conversation in my direction. "Is this your first Sunday here?" she politely inquired.
I'd been in the class for a year.
After a move to a different state, and a year in our new church, I hadn't connected with anyone. Worse yet, I wasn't even a familiar face, although I'd attended the class faithfully every Sunday. Somehow, I hadn't figured out how to build relationships in a new place—and I was losing touch with my friends back home.
Between 1999–2000 the United States Census Bureau estimates more than 43 million people—16 percent of the population—moved. Of these, almost 19 percent moved to a different state. In our mobile society, chances are good you'll move at least once.
If you move a lot, you may instinctively shy away from making new friends because you're tired of investing in relationships, then packing your bags again. And you may find old friendships falling apart in the absence of day-to-day attention. So is friendship really worth the effort?
Yes! Carol Kent, author of Six Keys to Lasting Friendships (NavPress), says it well: "How much we owe to friends! They bring out the best in us, and challenge the worst in a loving way. They get us through tough times and help us make difficult decisions. They help us relax and laugh, cry and heal, hope and dream."
When a job change moved us again a year later, I was determined to make some changes. I echoed Scarlett O'Hara in Gone with the Wind, "As God as my witness, I'll never be lonely again!" Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly what she said. But here are a few friendship lessons I've learned along the way:
Don't Judge a Potential Friend by Her ManicureShe was so together—blond hair cut to perfection, nails immaculately manicured, makeup artfully applied. I run toward no makeup, Birkenstocks, blue jeans, and ragged nails I can't stop biting. When our husbands began meeting for breakfast regularly, I told mine flatly to enjoy his friendship with Jack, but I was sure Jan and I'd never be friends.
I was wrong.
When we cautiously explored a relationship by spending two nights at a women's retreat together, we stayed up till 3A.M. laughing so hard our sides hurt the next morning. Her children are a bit older than mine, so I've gained wisdom from her about parenting. And I'm a good listening ear for her challenges with her extended family.
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